Ds and his fiancé asked Dh to officiate their wedding. He’s happy to do it but we know nothing. I’ve googled some and it looks like there are several options but I thought I’d ask here first to hopefully avoid any mishaps. So, does anyone here have any experience with this at all?

Dc laughing together Dh laughing at my jokes Babies, any babies, laughing Horse whinny (grew up with horses & all their sounds take me back and make me happy) Rain Birds City noise at night - I know it’s weird but we’ve been away too long and I miss it all

Youngest pacing (ASD and it’s their stim) Cat meowing wanting a late night treat Heater kicking on

Then I’m obviously not sharing for your benefit (not said rudely, just facts). There are others who have said differently. I also feel like a broken record because you keep quoting me when we seem to agree that some need treatment prior to adulthood and that we also need better therapy. I honestly don’t think there’s anything left to say between us on this topic at the moment.

Many states are trying though. So, you’ll listen to my arguments when they start passing the laws? I have little doubt it’s coming. This study was the largest one done so far of transgender adults in the US. It shouldn’t be ignored just as the OP’s original article shouldn’t be ignored. We definitely need to proceed with caution. Caution at labeling all of these kids as trans and caution at labeling none of these kids as trans. Many will need treatments prior to adulthood and they should get it.

I don’t see any of us here not addressing it. Seriously, many of us have said we see areas to improve. My issue is, and will always be, the idea that no minor should have access to these treatments. We exhausted all possibilities and my son needed more. We’re not the only ones. My sharing that study was to share how there are positives to treatment in adolescence. And there are positives. Right now it seems laws are very all or nothing so I feel a need to keep pointing out those positives.

You should read it for yourself because it actually didn’t do that.

It also most definitely didn’t spin the binge drinking in those adults as a positive and stated how it actually raises awareness for an increased need for substance abuse counseling in those transgender individuals.

It actually says, “In addition, participants who began hormones in early or late adolescence had lower odds of past-month binge drinking and lifetime illicit drug use than those who began hormones in adulthood.” And, “But the researchers found that those who started hormone treatment in adulthood were more likely to engage in binge drinking and use of illicit substances than those who never accessed the treatment.” The binge drinking was among those who didn’t start until adulthood. The study was about better mental health in those who received treatment in adolescence and not having to wait until adulthood. ETA: I can see where there are things to do differently that could help but it’s ridiculous for others not to see that treatment in some of these youth is necessary. For some, early treatment will make a huge difference.

Not really wanting to start this up again but wanted to leave this here for anyone interested. It came out yesterday. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.news-medical.net/amp/news/20220112/Starting-hormone-treatment-in-adolescence-linked-to-better-mental-health-in-transgender-people.aspx Also linking from PLOS ONE with more info. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0261039

I went on medication for several months after my dad and brother died (many years ago). I knew what the cause of my depression was and knew it would get better but the medication was super helpful. My youngest started anxiety meds recently. The pandemic just made the anxiety they were already dealing with worse so we opted for medication and therapy for the time being. It’s definitely helping.

I think youngest and I have it but aren’t actually diagnosed. For me, it’s the worst when cooking. Prepping food kills my hands. Last night I was making meatballs and it took forever because I kept stopping trying to mix everything up because the pain in my hands was so bad. I even set the meat out prior hoping it wouldn’t be so cold. I have Dh wash produce now because it hurts too much. I have to wear socks and shoes downstairs all the time because there is no carpet. I’m also unable to take many walks with Dh outside in the winter anymore. Typing this all out makes me think I should talk more with my doctor to see if there’s something I can do. It’s not fun.

If no one cares about it, I think it’s fine to sell. I was given my grandmother’s wedding ring when she died and I recently passed that down to Ds when he proposed to his girlfriend. Since I gave that ring to Ds, youngest knows they get my wedding ring when I’m gone.

Dh usually donates often because his blood type is always wanted, but I’ve been asked not to even try anymore. My veins are terrible and just quit giving even with a normal blood draw. This was a good reminder though as Dh hasn’t gone in quite a while due to Covid so it makes sense it’s needed. I’ll let him know.

I’m so sorry. My mom had her third fusion surgery during the middle of all this. Hers, too, was postponed a while in the beginning of this Covid mess and I felt awful for her. Hope he’s able to get it done soon!

I’m honestly rather shocked none of the five of us caught it on our trip to Chicago. I had made peace with us getting it but all are still healthy almost two weeks later. We ate out several times and dinners were long because we had drinks. We visited the aquarium and it was packed, and we sat a few times unmasked in the snack area. I just find it so strange. Even though we somehow avoided it, we have stopped being indoors anywhere unmasked for the time being. We still go places masked, though. I’m someone who is fine with annual boosters but won’t be lining up for a new one in March. I will be due next October and plan to do so then along with the flu vaccine.

Easy access to good mental health care needs to happen, not just for these kids but across the board. Our experience was completely different and I think of our therapist as family almost at this point. None of would have gotten through those years without her. ETA: Also, our socially transitioning experience happened very slowly. It wasn’t all at once. After ds was hospitalized and came out, our therapist eased us into using a different name and pronoun just at home. That continued for months (through the end of one school year and all of the summer). There was a very noticeable difference with Ds during those months and that’s when he quit all anxiety/depression meds. When his Junior year started, he socially transitioned at school/with friends and then the rest of our families were last. And our therapist let us know every emotion we were feeling was normal. I spent several sessions with her crying just trying to utter the words, “my son”. She never pushed or said I was wrong to struggle like some here have mentioned. I really do wish everyone had access to better mental health care.

It’s not even just medicalizing, though. Aren’t you one who has spoken out against even socially transitioning? That’s part of what I mean by this all or nothing talk. That’s all my son did until he was 18. It wasn’t planned that way, but he didn’t come out to us until 16 and he did two years of therapy before moving to hormones. Being able to socially transition is what kept him sane and in school (he graduates this May as a double major with a 4.0!). There needs to be options for these kids and there will continue to be pushback if all we hear is you believe nothing but therapy should be available to them until they’re adults.

Many states are now trying to actually make it happen, though. It’s happening because of voices like those here on this board who think kids should have no intervention until adulthood. My state introduced a bill this month to make it happen so it is a legitimate concern. Seems like there will probably be pushback from all sides until the all or nothing talk stops (and I do understand that type of talk is from both sides).

I honestly don’t know how many ways I can say I see both sides and agree we need better therapy in the beginning. I’m not going to agree that minors shouldn’t receive treatment beyond therapy just because they are a minor. That seems cruel and very wrong to me and why I said in my very first post that non trans kids are not more valuable than trans kids. Some don’t seem to care about what will happen to trans kids without treatment because all they care about are those non trans kids who slip through the cracks. I do care about them all and do think adjustments need to be made to how therapy can be done for these youth, but I do feel medical options need to stay in place for those who need it. ETA: I’ve also been reading through this doctor’s interviews, articles, and social media and I don’t think she’s saying no treatment for minors either. So, I’m really confused. Most posting here, on either side of the issue, seem to agree with her about better therapy and in take procedures. That would be the caution suggested. She’s not saying no medical treatment for minors who are determined to need it.

Part of the parsing out is how many are actually sudden onset dysphoria patients. Parents can’t be be the only voice we listen to there because I would have said my own Ds was sudden onset, but I know now I was wrong. We’ve rewatched home videos, I’m looking at photos, and I’m talking to people and it shows me I didn’t see things clearly. I know I’m not the only parent in this situation. I saw what I expected and wanted to see. Things can definitely be improved in regards to allowing medical professionals to do their jobs. That doesn’t mean minors shouldn’t receive medical treatment and interventions when necessary. It would be cruel to withhold treatment to many of these kids. I also want more kids to be able to receive the kind of treatment we received. We’re all parenting very different individuals and there is absolutely no one right way to do it.

You didn’t do anything wrong. I think some of the side discussions were a good thing. Some led to interesting discussions with one of my kiddos tonight, so that’s always fun. 😁

Nm

Emotions took over for a moment. Deleted. Sorry.

Threads on this board take all kinds of twists and turns. I actually felt like this had been one of the more productive ones since some of us, on opposite sides, have found places of mutual agreement. The twists and turns of this conversation have even stayed rather civil this time, which I think has been helpful to some.