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Michelle Conde

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Everything posted by Michelle Conde

  1. I agree with you, and only find it surprising when I have had feminists try to tell me that I must be a feminist, too, because I am for equal rights and opportunities for both genders.
  2. Interesting. Honestly, it didn’t even occur to me that you meant people could have no stance on abortion whatsoever. I don’t think I have ever known an adult in this country to evince no feelings on the morality of this issue when it came up. And especially not someone who was actively involved in other human rights issues. My oversight, I guess.
  3. She didn’t claim you said feminists can’t be against abortion for themselves, she claimed you said people who are against abortion access for women can’t be feminists. And you did. You said feminists could be against abortion for themselves, but not against abortion for others/in general.
  4. I also have a sister who has tried to tell me I have to be a feminist if I believe in equal gender rights and opportunities. If that were what the modern feminist movement were primarily advocating for in our country, I would be—but there is no way I’m associating myself with a political movement whose members have been the most rude and disparaging of my life choices of anyone I’ve ever met, which endorses social and political views I don’t share, and which has rejected my views on the most basic question of morality we face today.
  5. A few years ago when we thought we might be moving back to San Diego I was looking into signing my kids up with a charter there, and at first I was excited to see that they provided more than twice the funds my kids were getting from our charter here—until I started looking at extracurriculars there, and found it would cover close to the same or a little less there than ours does here. All the kids’ activities just cost so much more there. Our charter here in Oregon does some fun, non-educational activities like pizza parties and trips to water parks that are organized by the regional managers, and families can choose to use school funds to participate in these. But activities that families plan individually must be specifically educational. I know our Educational Specialist with the school feels bad that we don’t get to participate in these activities, as we live too far away, but I don’t. We are so blessed to be able to access some of the public education funding to allow our kids to learn things I otherwise couldn’t teach them on my own. And we are happy that the balance of the public funds that would be allowed to my kids if they were in public school are going to help a small, previously struggling public school district thrive. It’s a win-win situation. I don’t understand the pushback against public funding covering educational activities that aren’t available in public schools. Isn’t the whole push for school choice that is fueling the explosion of charter schools and homeschooling based on the idea that there might be better ways to allocate resources to provide the best education possible than what is available in normal public schools? If you can apply the same resources to get either a traditional P.E. class, or a high-interest physical activity that builds strength and skill over time, how is it a better option to provide the basic P.E? And if you can apply fewer public resources by leveraging your own time and efforts to get more high quality, high interest educational opportunities for your kid, all the better! No one in public school has lost anything for having someone else use their time to apply public funds more effectively than a ps can. I am, however, not comfortable with the idea of public education funds paying for Disneyland tickets. Maybe a specific educational class located on the grounds, but not a trip to the theme park.
  6. But they do, they just call them “donations” (at least where my family lives). As in, “We need everyone to give a $100 donation for supplies for art class.” or “Everyone running in cross country needs to donate $250.” Students who don’t pay aren’t kicked out of the class or extracurricular, but the things that the “donations” cover won’t happen—no supplies so they’re just doing pencil drawings all term, or no uniforms and meets. Which means they’re not going to be passing AP Studio Art or competing in cross country without those “donations”. (They do ask for enough to cover a few students with financial need.)
  7. What a good idea! He does work closely with the police officers, but I don’t know if they have a similar setup here. It’s not that he is opposed to counseling, but he is busy, and he is having a better week this week. I think the next time it is weighing him down, I will bring it up and see if it’s time then.
  8. Thanks, all. Just a little update: Dh is still absolutely unwilling to consider taking the promotion in our old town, over his concern for my SAD. He agrees that this career is not going to work long-term anymore. After talking through all the different options, he has decided that he wants to tough it out in this job for the next 2 to 3 years while actively pursuing his writing in that time in an effort to turn that into an income source. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but in the meantime he will be working on something that he enjoys and that gives him a reprieve from the darker stuff he deals with, I will be trying to manage our finances so as to get us ready for a change, and by then he will have logged ten years on the pension program, which will give us 1/3 or 2/5 of the benefits if he stayed in. Not as solid of steps as I might have liked, but something.
  9. Yes, they’re elected, so attorneys from within the county generally get the job, but not always.
  10. I should look in to that. I’m not sure where the closest law school is. Both are in the same state, but the old job was in typical PNW weather, and now we live in the little inland slice of drier, less temperate climate on the other side of the state.
  11. Thanks, these are helpful. It’s good to know that switching to private law is pretty common. All of these seem like good options. The practical classes would be right up his alley if he were to go into teaching. The article linked up thread sounded like dh would have absolutely no chance of becoming a law professor, as he has not been working towards that in publishing and cultivating contacts since he was still a student, and attended a good-but-not-top-tier law school because it offered him a half scholarship. Honestly, it explained a lot about why dh’s law professors in school were such boring and uninspiring teachers, if they are generally hired for prestige and connections and not for actual teaching ability. It looks like clinical professor jobs are also advertised in the AALS placement bulletin from Lawyer&Mom’s link.
  12. Oh, sorry. It was late, and I missunderstood. That is something it’s possible to watch for, but we live in the Pacific Northwest, so there are only a few sunnier counties in our state.
  13. Yes, that’s how we got here. But it’s the same type of work wherever we go, and he hasn’t been willing to tell a boss he doesn’t want to take these cases any more.
  14. I wonder how one goes about doing this? Food for thought. A good reminder. Thanks for the article!
  15. Sure. I like small town life, and dh doesn’t mind it. Even when we lived in a small county, though, there were enough of these cases that he had at least one and usually several of them going most of the time. . Yes, it really is the reason. If he left though, they would hire another experienced attorney to take his place. (DDA3 or ADA). The way the office pay scale is structured, they get enough funding for one DDA3 or ADA experience-level hire, two or three DDA2s, and several DDA1s, aside from the county DA. So he has more experience than the other attorneys, but if he left they would be able to replace him with another more experienced attorney. He has gone into trial ill before, because he was worried the other attorneys weren’t up to a difficult trial even with his detailed notes, or because he knew a frightened child whose confidence he’d spent months building up probably wouldn’t be able to go through with testifying if a stranger was there instead of him.. He has thrown up in court because he went to trial sick. He was fuming on our recent trip when he heard that another attorney had dismissed a case he had done all the prep work for and left detailed instructions on, because the other attorney didn’t think he could get the conviction.
  16. Thank you very much! Do you know if it makes a difference where you got your education and experience for where law professors teach? Would it be easier to get a job teaching in the state where he is a member of the bar?
  17. He was a journalist once, but all his writing now is fiction. I do think it would be a great fit for him to be a law school professor teaching criminal law, and he could do a lot of good that way, too. I wonder what is required to get that job? Dh’s old boss will be retiring mid-term when he hits retirement age. Maybe if I framed it as taking the job as a trial just until the next election year to see if my SAD could be managed, he would be more willing to consider it.
  18. I can see trying some new things to manage my SAD, but the big trouble is convincing dh. I will try suggesting counseling to him, that’s a good idea. He is indeed devastated when he loses a trial. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s very rough when it does.
  19. Going into corporate law, intellectual property, or estate planning law could be possibilities. It would be starting over from the bottom, on things he hasn’t studied in ten years, but I think it would be worth it, if I could convince him. We actually have family in Southern California with extra room and an open invitation, so I could potentially spend every February there.
  20. That is his big concern. There would also be some stress with trying to manage an office in a perpetually underfunded county, but I think he would still jump at the chance for the promotion if it weren’t for his concern for me. I did use vit D, St. John’s Wort, and SAD lights to deal with it when we used to live there, but it still seemed to get harder to manage each winter. He carries every one of those kids with him in his heart. And there are so many! At his work, he is the calm and steady rock for victims and their families, but I see it coming out at other times: throwing up in the morning before a trial from nerves, insomnia, stomach and headaches all the time, breaking down crying when he sees the little girl in foster care at our church smile.
  21. My dh is a public prosecutor who specializes in sex crimes and minor victims. He has been doing this for eight years and is really, really good at it. And it is eating him up emotionally. I am worried about him. I have suggested he ask his boss to give him a variety of cases instead of all of these ones, but he won’t do it—he says he couldn’t take the guilt if a defendant got off to hurt more kids because a less experienced attorney took one of his cases and lost. All his experience is in criminal law, which means doing what he does as a prosecutor, or going to the other side and defending criminals, which would not be much help. I don’t know if switching to private law is even an option—maybe if he was going for the kind of job you get straight out of school. He worked as a legal clerk for a private law firm pre-bar and hated it (“All I do is argue over other people’s money and help people who used to love each other try to ruin one another’s lives.”) but it wasn’t soul-eating like this. We still have $25,000 of law school debt left. Being a public employee, he makes far less than his private law counterparts, but with the promise of a great pension program if he works in this field for 30 years (or 25 if a possible bill goes through in our state). That was always our plan, but I am becoming convinced that another 22 years, or 17, is untenable. Some ideas: He taught a class at the community college last term, and enjoyed it. However, he actually made less than minimum wage with preparation and grading time. It would be somewhat better with repeating classes and less prep, but still very low. I assume teaching at a university might pay better. How does one become a professor? Would getting some more experience teaching at the local cc help to go that direction? He is also a really excellent writer, and I believe he could succeed as a professional author if he could finish a book and get in with a publisher—but the deeper under stress he goes with work, the less he writes. If we had a large enough savings to live on for a while, I could try to convince him to quit and try writing for a set period of time, but we have always thrown most of our assets at paying off debt—and I doubt I could get him to go for that. He is very risk averse. The most likely option, in my view, would be to go back to our old town. His old boss is retiring soon, and dh would almost certainly get his job if we went back. When I asked, he said that if he were the D.A., he would be able to let these cases go as he isn’t able to now, because the DA has to do office management and politics as well as prosecuting and it would be his job to train up someone who could give them his full attention. It would also be a great career move for him. He is dead set against going back, because I struggled with severe seasonal affective disorder there. But maybe with being able to afford a brighter, more open home and a couple trips to warmer climates during the winters, it wouldn’t be as bad? He is worried about my mental health, and I’m worried he’s trading his mental health for mine.
  22. No, of course not. The landlord and renter enter in to a private, consensual agreement. Why should the government interfere with the arrangements they decided on? If a renter really wants to have pets, they shouldn't have entered into that agreement. If enough renters seek pet-friendly rentals and are willing to pay extra for it, more landlords will eventually offer pet rentals.
  23. Yes, I grew up in an area that is strongly opposite myself on the political spectrum, as well as having lived in areas like that for 5 1/2 years of my adulthood. You will wind up paying for things via your taxes that you disagree with, but that will probably happen to some degree everywhere. Mostly it's not such a big deal in individual interactions with people, as you can always look for the common ground and the good in others whether you disagree or not, generally agree to disagree as needed, and excuse yourself from relationships with the few people who refuse to allow that mutual respect. The big exception to this was public school. There kids don't have the option to excuse themselves from a situation, and (at least where I lived) there are some teachers who feel free to use their position to push their own political views, deride students who publicly disagree, and even in one instance lower grades. On the up side, kids who go through the public school system and come out the other side still holding views differing from the norm will have really deeply explored what they believe and why by that time.
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