LOLOL I've been thinking I definitely should've started this whole kid thing earlier. 😂

I'll take a look at We Thinkers, thanks. Oh yes, I definitely give warnings and let her know what's happening. Each day we discuss what's going on that day and week. (actually, this conversation happens several times a day. We do have a calendar she can look at, but it helps her more to talk about it.)

Hmmm, no, I'll have to search for that, thanks!

I need blunt sometimes. 🙂 Yes, I'm also teaching my son, 6. He's not on the spectrum; they're biologically half siblings. He may have some adhd going on, but not like her. There are some things I need to turn my attention to with him as well, but wanted to tackle getting dx for her first. He had an eval with the same SLP as she did. He was dx'd with dyslexia and dysgraphia, but no language issues. He's in Barton Level 2 now. Just last week, my husband (spectrum) suggested that we change some things so that she can do some work in her room (which is not cluttered or over stimulating) instead of at the kitchen table. He said that when he was young he loved having his room to do school in (his house growing up was quite cluttered) because it was quiet, peaceful, and HIS. I plan to try it, although in general she prefers to be with people. But she may decide she prefers to do some alone (actually, with her bird, she'd probably love that).

This. Thank you. This is part of what I've been trying to wrap my mind around this afternoon.

Quoting because I can't like. All good, but especially the bolded

I'll have to check the report, but I don't think it was only narrative. She DOES do a ton of quoting tv shows and other things.

Oh, I haven't updated my sig in a while. But, yes, I take your point. Basically I've just been adapting things to her attention span and need to move, not really using anything actually different except Barton. I need to take a fresh look at things in view of what we know now. Your last paragraph, last two, is exactly what I've been pondering this afternoon. What we've been doing is all wrong for her, or at least the implementation is wrong. I need to completely change my view of things, including her behavior, to account for what I know now. I also need to give her a lot more room and tools to self-advocate, and be much more predictable.

I shortened above to answer some of the questions, but I'm reading it all and taking notes!

Our main issues in daily life right now seem to stem from rigid thinking. The behavior issues that we're having are primarily defiance and meltdowns . . . stomping, throwing and kicking things, pacing and repetitive language . . . when she either doesn't want to do things or something has happened that doesn't fit into her set view of things. If she had more flexible thinking, more ability to identify the approach of this and head it off, a lot of this would no longer be an issue. She would also benefit from more conversation skills and social skills. I was unaware that she had language issues until the dx from the SLP. She talks constantly and I would have said that she carries on conversations fine. However, I can see that her conversations are not really very reciprocal. Now that she's getting a bit older (8) people are trying to converse with her more than just listening to her like you do a little kid, and I can see she has some trouble with that. And we often have to repeat things because she just doesn't "get it" the first time, even when she heard and understands the actual words.

WOW. I doubt we have anything like that. I'm in Oklahoma.

Thank you! She's 8. We don't plan for her to be enrolled in school, but never say never. 🙂 I'll see if they offer anything, though. I'm not sure about the county board of disabilities or any state funding/scholarships, but will add that to my list to check on. Thank you!

Thanks to discussions on here, I had scheduled psych testing for my daughter. She had SLP testing (thank you for the advice!) and was dx'd with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and mixed expressive/receptive language disorder. After posting those results and some discussion and advice on another thread, I was able to find a psych with at least some experience with girl autism to do an eval. In addition (can't remember if we discussed this or not) we also had some concerns about adhd. So, anyway, I just got the psych report and she dx'd ASD1 and ADHD combined, severe. I'm so thankful for the advice from here to take in notes. I took 8 pages of notes with specific examples of things we are seeing. She passed the ADOS, scored 2, so the notes and interview were critical in getting a full picture and an accurate dx. The psych said taking everything into account, she met the criteria despite passing the ADOS. Very much expected. I feel . . . validated (yes, we're not crazy, we are seeing this stuff) and sad that she'll be dealing with all this and bummed that I'll be dealing with all this . . . all at the same time. 🙂 I wonder if I could get feedback on what my priorities should be for, say, the next 6 months? Here are my ideas. I'm open to changes and being told what's most important and anything else I haven't thought of: Continue doing Barton at home. DD just started Level 3 and it seems to be going well. Contact the local school. What exactly is it that I'm asking them? I want to know what services are available, or I want an eval for special ed services? Something else? Figure out speech therapy. There is a therapist in our small town. I don't have a great impression of her. She did an eval on my son some time ago and didn't seem to have a good view of homeschooling. Also I think I mentioned on another thread that I had a conversation with someone who had been told by her that their son could not be on the spectrum because he played with other kids. However, in fairness, this doesn't have anything to do with her skill at speech therapy, so I should probably put that impression aside. If we don't use her, it will probably be at least an hour drive to someone else. I don't know if she specializes in anything; I do know that she has been doing speech therapy for over 20 years. The kids have Medicaid, and so far they have paid for private services. But I keep expecting they're going to say, go through the school. I'm not sure if speech therapy at the school is individual or group. Get an OT eval. Just because and for the dysgraphia. She had OT when she was little, for coordination issues and I believe they did some reflex work. (She has also had vision therapy and recent testing there which included some reflexes; we're continuing therapy at home.) She has some sensory issues as well. Check into ABA. I've done some preliminary googling, and this will be at least an hour drive, more likely 1.5 hours or more. Sigh. I'm not sure that we can make this happen regularly, even though it probably is a high priority, right? Things I have in mind but am not sure what priority they should be. (1) Social Thinking resources: I have the social detective book, but that is all. What first? (2) Mindwing stuff: Is this what the speech therapist will do? (3) Interoception stuff (4) I think there might possibly be some issue with working memory or slow processing or something. More testing?

Off topic, but since we talked reflux a bit earlier, does coffee not trigger your reflux? I'd love to have a bit of coffee or tea in the mornings, but if I do it every day I end up with worse reflux issues. I've tried low acid coffee with the same results.

Thanks, I'll try this!

I've done it, but it always results in a flareup of acid reflux (I have a hiatal hernia). The reflux is horrible both if I eat too much or too little; I find it hard to balance. (Yes, I've tried acv and every other remedy 😊 I've been able to wean off a PPI--something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy--and can survive now with basic otc meds) I wish this wasn't the case; I think I could do IF fairly easily otherwise. I still experiment sometimes because it's so appealing.

Mostly, I do WM pickup now. But I do sometimes need to run in the grocery store. I would cut nearly everything else from my life before I would do multiple stores for groceries to save money. 😁 Occasionally, maybe once a year or so, I do enjoy hitting several stores to shop without kids. In general, though, I don't enjoy shopping.

Thank you! I've been looking at Circle. I think it might work well for us. The ability to pause devices would be really nice.

Cut and paste

I don't know if it's a good way, but the only way I've found to deal with people like this is to (1) make a noncommital acknowledgement of whatever they're griping about and (2) skedaddle asap. Sometimes, depending on the person, I can (1.5) redirect the conversation. This always means asking a question that allows them to talk about themselves, only a topic that's more neutral. I still try to proceed quickly to step 2. I spent the first 30 years of my life in close contact with a number of people like this. Then the next 10 disengaging and distancing myself. I refuse to spend any more mental/emotional energy on it.

Oh, gotcha. I didn't understand what you were saying. Yes, I agree.

Oh, wait, I just realized I hadn't finished reading all the comments on that thread. Off to finish...

Thank you! If we order, I'm pretty sure we will do all this.

That's exactly what I was thinking of. 🙁