Keeping him focused, what to expect, and ASD

[Janeway]

I feel like all day long, 14 yr old is so distracted anymore. I said we would start school at 9am. At this point in time, he might start his work, but then he quickly finds himself on the piano. Then he breaks for lunch around shortly after 11am. Now, it is Saturday night, and he still has a paper to complete. He tried to tell me it was too hard to do, it is supposed to be SEVEN paragraphs. I told him at his age, that is reasonable. But to bring me his paper and I would help him. Nope. He got that look on his face that said he could do it himself and he left. He clearly knows how to do it, he just does not feel like it.

 

With him, I have found that anything that takes longer than 15 minutes, he doesn't want to do. He is almost 15 yrs old. He has Aspergers which has recently been changed to ASD, just because of the newest DSM. 

 

I am open to good, and productive, suggestions. 

 

FYI..this week, he was supposed to read some of his biology and work on a graphic organizer I wanted to do with him. He would not give me the chance to explain to him how and what we were doing. He had 5 assignments for math, and then he has his history and English outsourced. The history and English have pretty good, strong requirements where he should be putting in 2 hrs a day in homework. So far, he did maybe 3 math assignments, no biology, and has not finished his English/History (it is an integrated class). He has, however, put in several hours in karate class, worked on a paper for karate, spent many many hours playing the piano and reading a lot on music history and theory. 

Edited August 28, 2016 by Janeway

[regentrude]

So what happens when he "does not want" to do school work? How does he get away with this?

I am trying to understand your dynamic.. how can he "break for lunch at 11am". Are you not there? How do you react when he does? 

Trying to wrap my mind around how school and parenting works in your home...

ETA: What is his "currency"? Can you use karate? Presumably somebody needs to drive him there - what happens if schoolwork is not done, he gets to go anyway?

Edited August 28, 2016 by regentrude

[Janeway]

So what happens when he "does not want" to do school work? How does he get away with this?

I am trying to understand your dynamic.. how can he "break for lunch at 11am". Are you not there? How do you react when he does? 

Trying to wrap my mind around how school and parenting works in your home...

ETA: What is his "currency"? Can you use karate? Presumably somebody needs to drive him there - what happens if schoolwork is not done, he gets to go anyway?

He gets upset. It starts to lead to a meltdown. 

 

Computer is his currency. I do not want to take away the karate or such because he has issues with weight and motor skills and has come a long way. I would say karate makes a great substitute for physical therapy. He used to be in OT too and has/had sensory issues. So, won't take away the piano either. 

 

Good thing we are on a five year plan.

[yvonne]

Does he get the work for the outsourced combination History/English class done?

[Mom22ns]

Can you change his assignments to a daily schedule instead of a weekly schedule? My ds with a similar diagnosis could not handle a weekly schedule as a freshman. In our house, there was a list of what to get through each day. I'd use the computer for motivation, no computer until each day's work is done. My ds needed a lot of structure still at that age. At 9:00 we'll start with X. At 10:00 we'll work on Y. After lunch you can work on outsourced class A... etc. I couldn't hand him a day's schedule, let alone a weeks schedule. Teenage boys do tend to get very difficult with not wanting mom to be their teacher. However, I would require him to listen to instructions in a respectful way and if he needs help, I would require him to let you walk him through an assignment as well. That shouldn't be every assignment, but learning to listen and learn from others is a skill that he shouldn't be allowed to disregard just because he is an ASD teen. :)

 

Don't let him hold you hostage to the threat of a melt-down either (not that the goal is provoking them). If he melts down, he melts down, then you give him some space, help him recover and start again. The goals for the day don't change if he melts down. He gains nothing by it. It is important that, that is consistently true.

[regentrude]

He gets upset. It starts to lead to a meltdown. 

 

No, my question was more: what are the consequences? How do you react when he does that? Does having a  meltdown get him out of school work? 

[Janeway]

Can you change his assignments to a daily schedule instead of a weekly schedule? My ds with a similar diagnosis could not handle a weekly schedule as a freshman. In our house, there was a list of what to get through each day. I'd use the computer for motivation, no computer until each day's work is done. My ds needed a lot of structure still at that age. At 9:00 we'll start with X. At 10:00 we'll work on Y. After lunch you can work on outsourced class A... etc. I couldn't hand him a day's schedule, let alone a weeks schedule. Teenage boys do tend to get very difficult with not wanting mom to be their teacher. However, I would require him to listen to instructions in a respectful way and if he needs help, I would require him to let you walk him through an assignment as well. That shouldn't be every assignment, but learning to listen and learn from others is a skill that he shouldn't be allowed to disregard just because he is an ASD teen. :)

 

Don't let him hold you hostage to the threat of a melt-down either (not that the goal is provoking them). If he melts down, he melts down, then you give him some space, help him recover and start again. The goals for the day don't change if he melts down. He gains nothing by it. It is important that, that is consistently true.

I think this is a great idea. 

 

I have been giving him weekly assignments. So I would say....this week, you must do these pages of biology and sit with me to do this part, and so on. He does fine with that with the outsourced teacher, but at home, I think maybe he needs me to sit with him and make a list of what to do daily. I will try this. Thanks!

[FriedClams]

I would work with him to make his own daily schedule, and then it sounds like you need to sit by him and keep him on task. If he were in a traditional school, the teacher wouldn't wander off to do laundry, etc. They'd be there saying, " hey, knock it off..." It sounds like he lacks the skills to be independent and expecting him to be so is leading to stress and a lack of productivity. Sit with him. Teach him. Tutor him. And, if he's fine with outside classes, I'd take a look at why. Are you being too easy? Are you too flexible? I think an honest look at your dynamics will help a lot.

Edited August 29, 2016 by FriedClams