Co-Op Questions

[CalicoKat]

it feels like, appears, always seems to happen that when we're at co-op and teams are made up for the different activities my 4 kids are paired up together. Not by their choice. In fact my oldest dd was criticised to me privately by another mom who was leading that particular PE unit (badmiton), "you're girls just don't want to play together...."

 

I did call her after that particular day to express my thoughts on how siblings shouldn't be expected to be partners at co-op, unless they truly desire it. Isn't that the point of co-op to be able to play with other non-family kids?

 

After that conversation the next week went better, but today my kids were purposely put on a team together--all 4. I could see my oldest gettting frustrated so I pulled her out and played the game with her just the two of us.

 

It would be far eaiser for me to teach the stuff they're learning at co-op at home. There are 4 weeks left for the year and I'm serioulsy struggling trying to make my kids go when they're kinda of shoved off in a corner the the moms and the other kids.

 

My kids aren't perfect. But neither are they unbearable. Part of me thinks this might be an unconscious racism thingy because we're the only multi-racial family. Part of me thinks its because it's a smaller group and there's a ton of play groups going on that we're not invited to so the friendships are already established. Or maybe it's just that we're not the brainiac type homeschoolers and we just don't fit into the ideal?

 

Sigh, back from co-op today and feeling a bit like I just wasted my time, my kid's time, and $$.

[happi duck]

I feel your pain! Though I know I should just get used to being an alien, sometimes I wish I could find one, just one, arena where we weren't alien, KWIM?

 

I've given up trying to find real relationships for myself, DH or the kids in homeschool groups/coops. I too have found that the "groups" are already formed and "not taking applications at this time, thank you very much!"

 

My "favorite" story: We had just moved to the area and were new to a HS group. My DS and another little boy were playing well together and having fun. I said to the mom, "We're new to the area and there are no young kids on our street. Could we get DS and (your kid) together to play sometime?" She said, "(my kid) already has friends." :glare:

 

Well, I know it doesn't help much but you're not alone!

[SonshineLearner]

No Way...about the "my kids already have friends" comment. I'm sorry! Our group is really nice to each other, I think.... I'd think that being bi-racial, would actually be a benefit. I LOVED the fact that we weren't just a "Caucasian" coop. When I did have daycare, part of the reason I liked it...was because I didn't have to try to expose my daughter to other races in a fake way... (you know...buy dolls and such....cuz all she saw was "white")

Carrie:-)

[HeatherInWI]

My dc enjoy being on the same team and prefer it that way, but handle it cheerfully and gracefully either way. Our co-op group usually divides by some system, like people with even ages on one team and odd ages on the other, so it's not planned exactly who will be together. Do they group other families together, or not?

 

Do you really think it has to do with the multi-racial thing? I live in a very "white-bread" area, and our group doesn't have any bi-racial couples, but we do have (adopted) children in the group of both Asian and African-American descent, and no one seems to care. My guess would be that it's more likely to be established friendships than racism, but that the leadership needs to find a better, less cliquish, way of choosing teams. And, of course, that your dc need to learn to roll with the punches whether they're put together or not.

[CalicoKat]

My dc enjoy being on the same team and prefer it that way, but handle it cheerfully and gracefully either way. Our co-op group usually divides by some system, like people with even ages on one team and odd ages on the other, so it's not planned exactly who will be together. Do they group other families together, or not?

 

Do you really think it has to do with the multi-racial thing? I live in a very "white-bread" area, and our group doesn't have any bi-racial couples, but we do have (adopted) children in the group of both Asian and African-American descent, and no one seems to care. My guess would be that it's more likely to be established friendships than racism, but that the leadership needs to find a better, less cliquish, way of choosing teams. And, of course, that your dc need to learn to roll with the punches whether they're put together or not.

No it's not usually a system to diving into teams. It's usually the one mom saying to her daughter, "Amy, Sarah, and Stevie are one team. Johnny, Mike, and Harry are another...." And then she puts my kids togther. None of the other kids are put into a sibling group. Just mine. I don't like to jump to the multi-racial conclusion and it's taken me this long to even say that's what I think it might be what's going on.

 

As for rolling with the punches....yes. My kids haven't said anything to me because I haven't let on to them what I'm seeing/feeling. It was just that one day I got feedback from this leader.

[Harriet Vane]

I think it's a little weird to put siblings together in this setting as well.

 

I think you should put your cards on the table and ask the co-op leaders to handle this differently. Don't make guesses (out loud) about their motivations--just express your preference. Simply say, "My kids love having the opportunity to be with other children. I have noticed that they are often paired with each other, but when we are at co-op I think it's best for them to be paired with friends instead."

 

If anyone is so remarkably insensitive as to make comments about their family unity just counter with, "They enjoy playing with their siblings each and every day. Naturally they would like to enjoy the opportunity to see friends when they get that chance."

[CalicoKat]

I think it's a little weird to put siblings together in this setting as well.

 

I think you should put your cards on the table and ask the co-op leaders to handle this differently. Don't make guesses (out loud) about their motivations--just express your preference. Simply say, "My kids love having the opportunity to be with other children. I have noticed that they are often paired with each other, but when we are at co-op I think it's best for them to be paired with friends instead."

 

If anyone is so remarkably insensitive as to make comments about their family unity just counter with, "They enjoy playing with their siblings each and every day. Naturally they would like to enjoy the opportunity to see friends when they get that chance."

great advice. I'll bring this up at the planning meeting for next year. (deep breath)

[Harriet Vane]

great advice. I'll bring this up at the planning meeting for next year. (deep breath)

 

You can do it! Let me know how it goes--I am interested to hear how it turns out.:)

[CalicoKat]

so I got to speak to one of the ladies in charge yesterday via phone.

 

I am in process of investigating another homeschool co-op in our area. This particular lady I spoke with is part of that other group and I called her because I haven't gotten a response to my inquiry. Of course, she wanted to know why we're looking at another group.

 

My 10 yo has also been making interesting observations about the make-up of any group we're in and she's saying things like, "I'm the only brown person with black hair besides my sib," and "WOW! Look at all the brown people in the store Mom!" Yesterday she made the comment about a new class she was joining, "I like this class. Everyone has black hair, like me." The other kids in the class are from an Asian family.

 

I have been extremely careful to NOT speak about this infront of my daughter. I truly believe these are her own feelings and observations. They're not fueled by my observations & concerns.

 

Anyway I told this woman about my concerns for the socialization that's not happening--and I was flabbergasted to learn that I'm perhaps the last person to join in the ongoing conversation about this!!! Yes, other have noticed. I also told her that even if the socialization had been happening I think I need to find a group that's more diverse. I don't know how to do this. And I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea too because MY encounters with African American Mothers has been riddled with criticism of ME (can't do hair, can't do skin care, can't understand how they feel, can't teach their culture, can't ..... IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, several of whom don't need any encouragement from an adult in thinking I'm not capable.) So how to find a group of transracial homeschooling families?

 

DH is supportive. Socialization isn't happening.

[Osmosis Mom]

CalicoKat, I have no solution for you, but truly I'd love to hang with you and your kids. Your oldest sounds precious and very alert (unfortunately?).

 

You'll find a group of people to hang with. Think of this year as not wasted, but as a trailblazing year. Lots of kids got to see that other kinds of kids are just as sweet and normal as themselves.

[CalicoKat]

CalicoKat, I have no solution for you, but truly I'd love to hang with you and your kids. Your oldest sounds precious and very alert (unfortunately?).

 

You'll find a group of people to hang with. Think of this year as not wasted, but as a trailblazing year. Lots of kids got to see that other kinds of kids are just as sweet and normal as themselves.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I was so busy focusing keeping a committment to attend this year that I wasn't observing everything until the final four weeks were in sight.

[Rosy]

So...if enough people feel this way, can't a change be made within the group? Or can you form a co-op with the other like-minded families?

 

I hope you're able to find what you need. I would be very frustrated if I was in your shoes (and completely sickened if I thought it was a race issue).

[WTMindy]

I would just insist that my kids are not paired together. I would talk to the leader before teams are chosen and say, "I would prefer my kids are not all on the same team, please." Every week. :-) I wouldn't be rude about it, just firm. You are paying the money. I think it is weird to put siblings on the same team.

[mommaduck]

Anyway I told this woman about my concerns for the socialization that's not happening--and I was flabbergasted to learn that I'm perhaps the last person to join in the ongoing conversation about this!!! Yes, other have noticed. I also told her that even if the socialization had been happening I think I need to find a group that's more diverse. I don't know how to do this. And I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea too because MY encounters with African American Mothers has been riddled with criticism of ME (can't do hair, can't do skin care, can't understand how they feel, can't teach their culture, can't ..... IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, several of whom don't need any encouragement from an adult in thinking I'm not capable.) So how to find a group of transracial homeschooling families?

 

Prayers and hugs to you, hon