Sad and stressed mom seeking advice

[blessed2fosteradopt]

Hi Ladies:

 

I am new here and I would be remiss if I did not say that I am completely inspired by all of you. Your commitment and dedication to your children is refreshing and empowering.

 

Long story short (hopefully - :)) I am here for advice. I am a bio mom to a 9 yr. old boy who attends a private Christian school and foster-adopt mom (adoption will be completed shortly) to my 20 month old daughter. I also foster a 20 month old boy who is being adopted by my best friend. I have no doubt that I will HS my daughter when the time comes and have already ordered BFIAR for her.

 

My questions pertain to my 9yo 4th grade son. I did investigate HS as an option for him but was nervous that I would not be a capable teacher. That is why I chose private school for him. This is the only school I woul send him to and I drive 45 minutes twice a day to transport him there. Although I love his school, I see that the education he is receiving is not what it could be. Also, he has been loosely diagnosed as having ADHD. He often gets off task at school and he NEVER remembers to turn in work no matter what we try to implement as a reminder. He is a low A/B and sometimes C student. This is because of his lack of effort, inability to turn in his work and focus issues. He is also sloppy and takes the easiest route whenever possible. Next year, he will be transitioning classes and I can't even imagine how he will manage this.

 

I am thinking of doing something over the summer with him as a trial. What do you suggest? His writing skills really need work but he dislikes writing as he does reading. He also all but cries every time I mention HS as he really loves his school.

 

Sorry for the rambling. There is much more to this "saga" but I thought this would be a good place to start.

 

Thank you in advance for any advice you have to offer.

 

Blessings to all!

[Scarlett]

My best friend has a 10 year old in 5th grade. He, the child, was in the same situation as yours last year. Doing 'ok' work, and seemed to not do better because of not paying attention, being sloppy, taking the easiest route. Fast foward a year, and he has failed 5th grade math and will have to go to summer school. He is having major trouble in his other classes as well.

 

I can only say what I would do in a similar situation. I would not spend 3 hours a day in the car (and with a baby or two along for the ride!!! oh my) for ANY school. I do not spend 3 hours a day in seat work for my almost 8 year old. In other words, you could have his school work completed in the time you spend in travel.

 

Why do you think you are capable of hs'ling your dd, but not your son?

 

My own friend, who has always been mostly against hs'ling (certainly at the very least thinking SHE could never do it) is now giving serious consideration to it. She has serious medical issues that may prevent her, but she knows the public school system is not working for him.

 

As far as your son not wanting to leave the school....that would be a very minor consideration for me. Our children do not know what is best for them. That is why they have us! :) I feel he would get used to it in short order and enjoy the opportunity to bond more with his sister.

[Stacey in MA]

Your concern deserves a longer response - sorry. But I wanted to say firstly - BLESS YOU for fostering and caring for a young child who needs your love and home. Also for constantly considering what is best for your older son. I have a friend who's son is ADHD and she tried homeschooling for a year. It didn't work out for her, but in the meanwhile, she found a Montessori school that was just the right match for him. It will only take him to 4th grade though, and she then has to find another solution.

 

I don't think that you can really give homeschooling a short few week trial. It is such a process, that even after a year or 2, we are still adjusting and finding our ways. It takes a certain long term committment to the idea, in my opinion, to work through the problems and challenges that will DEFINITELY arise.

 

Have to run (kids fighting and baby screaming! :-) But I will be happy to see other advice others have to offer here...

 

Good luck to you! - Stacey in MA

[Scarlett]

I don't think that you can really give homeschooling a short few week trial. It is such a process, that even after a year or 2, we are still adjusting and finding our ways. It takes a certain long term committment to the idea, in my opinion, to work through the problems and challenges that will DEFINITELY arise.

 

ITA with this.

[blessed2fosteradopt]

The question as to why I didn't originally think I could HS my son was because, honestly, the show, "Are Your Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?", is really daunting to me. :( I worried that I would be unable to provide him with an adequate education (or that again, was my original thought). I feel that with my daughter we will be starting from the ground up. Also, if I am to be completely honest, selfishness was definitely a factor 5 years ago. I am in a different place now. :)

 

With regard to his school, I definitely hear you. I do get help with the drive from my husband (he is a firefighter - 24 on/48 off) so I don't often have to lug the babies but I understand where you are coming from. Where I am (South Florida) it is my ONLY option other than to homeschool. The public school here is horrendous (I had a 4th grade foster daughter for a year so I saw it first hand) academically and socially. I really want him in a Christian environment - the school is a division of my church - as that is important above all else. I know I can also provide a Biblical education here at home but in my situation, I am the spiritual torch bearer and love knowing he is being immersed in his faith throughout the day.

 

My thought regarding implementing something over the summer was as much for me as it was him. I will be taking a new placement (newborn) once my foster son is adopted and wanted to somewhat see how things would work out in the home. I wanted to see if I could present something efficiently - I guess as a confidence builder to me - and care for a newborn and toddler at the same time. I also serve on the board of directors of the foundation that is in my signature link. We are only operating for about 1 year and are crazy busy so that is a concern - how to balance everything. :confused:

 

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your friend's situation. I fear I may be in the same situation shortly. Much to think about.

 

Blessings!

[Jean in Newcastle]

It is daunting to think about starting with an older child. I know people who have done it though - so I will throw that out to you as an encouragement.

 

If you have the summer to "play" with homeschooling, I would try adding in one subject. It could be his weakest subject - then if you decided not to continue at least he would have had a summer tutorial in the subject. Or it could be his strongest - then you are starting with something you already know he likes and can build on.

 

Most moms who start older kids often start bit by bit anyway - even if it is during the school-year so I think it is a good way for both of you to get used to it.

 

Do you know about narrating? I would start any kind of writing work with him with narrating - "telling things back" to you. It works on letting him organize the subject matter in his head. It is a gentle way to help him to get ideas across. Once he's good at that you could add it him writing down part of his narration etc. There have been entire discussions on narration and I'm not doing it justice here. A good topic for a board search and/or a new thread though!

[blessed2fosteradopt]

Thank you for your reply. I was actually considering purchasing some sort of writing program for him to work on. He could definitely benefit from narration and all that goes with it. Any suggestions for me? Something that wouldn't be too overwhelming for both of us?

 

Thank you again!

[Kathy in MD]

I'd do it several times, to get the most info out of him. Then try to answer those desires when you set up your homeschool plans. One thing that will probably make the top 10 list are his friends. Make plans to let him visit and call frequently at first. Chances are the desire will retreat over time.

 

Doing summer school lite is a good way to get your feet wet. But also you have 45 minutes twice a day to learn together. Find books on tape or tapes of storytellers. Jim Weis and Odds Bodkin are two well respected ones. Listen to the and discuss them on the way to school. If he feels like it, you can also do that on the return trip.

[wide eyes & laughter]

...what you posted. I would sooner consider the fact that he's bored, therefore he's restless, doesn't do his seatwork, etc. I've seen many teachers diagnose ADD/ADHD rather than accuse themselves of not challenging their students enough, particularly boys. Do you notice hyperactivity in your son?

 

Secondly, if you do a summer homeschool approach with him, I suggest keeping it light & fun for both of you. Iow, don't try to make up for the work he didn't do in the school year.

 

Nature studies (read aloud books by Thornton Burgess can accompany and are fun stories!) and nature walks. Lots of hands on and read aloud *lots*. If you are thinking about homeschooling, showing ds fun, success, and bonding time with you and dd might win his heart over. Who would want to go back to school after that? :)

 

Best to you!

[jillmurtagh]

Seems like you have a lot of change coming up in your household! Is your boy okay with his little brother going away? Maybe he's feeling unstable, and doesn't like changing schools, too. Or maybe he just thinks he'll miss the social aspect of going to school - summer is a perfect time to get him involved in a team or camp that will show him that friends are all around, not just at school. Maybe Dad's schedule will allow him to coach? I agree that exploring his weakest subject in a totally new light ("fun? writing?? really??") is the way to start. How about a nature journal? Or a family newspaper? You don't have to wait for summer to do those things ("Little Brother Loves New Room!" "Mom Says Worms Eat Garbage!" "New Baby Smells Great!"). Regarding your ability to teach: you already exhibit the most important trait - willingness. You are far more interested in your son's success than any other teacher could be! You should know that most parent's/teacher's guides are very easy to follow. Look for "scripted" guides, and you won't even have to use your own words! Besides, the most important words in parent-schooling are "I don't know, but I can find out". I think it's healthy for kids to realize that parents don't know everything. They'll figure that out as teenageers anyway. You can do this; homeschooling is a perfect fit for an unscheduled lifestyle. Let your boy help with his own education.