I'd appreciate any advice, thoughts.....

[Brindee]

Or even a swift kick in the pants if that's what's needed....I dunno.

 

BACKGROUND: This is our 11th year of homeschooling, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!! Last year our oldest ds went to a Christian Boarding school (the only alternative to homeschooling that dh and I found that we could all be "okay with") that has a work-study program. EVERYONE works, not just the "poor" ones, and earn a little over 1/4 of the tuition cost, which goes directly on their account. It's been THE thing for my oldest. He's a senior there this year. DS15 is in 9th grade and dd11 is in 6th grade here at home.

 

My ds15 is right on target grade-wise and doing well. My dd is advanced in math and science. Both may be a bit behind in English, but they're doing fine in other areas.

 

This year I have not been as consistent in keeping them going in their schoolwork. I feel like they have all passed up my knowledge level, even my 11yo, and when they have questions, I have to send them to dh.

 

A little more background: My family moved a lot for some reason when I was young. I probably went to at least 25 different schools during my K-12 years. Matter-of-fact, in my junior year of highschool, I was in what I then considered to be a loser school--it had a lot of drug and other problems, though it was a Christian school, and the teachers openly supported the kids whose parents had the money! I got disgusted and quit, and started working as a nurse's aide at a nursing home. I took the GED and passed fine. I did go to college, got a bs in education, and taught for a few years.

 

Anyway, I guess my education being so spotty, I am feeling inadequate, and that dh would do a better job teaching them now. He loves math and sciences, and is great at helping them when they need it. He's more organized than I am, including with housekeeping (his love language is acts of service!), he does the bills since I'd get overwhelmed and confused and mess it up. He works full-time and sometimes more than that. He's the Treasurer of our church and teaches a small childrens class. The church phone is message only, and the messages are forwarded here and he takes them and answers the caller or directs the message to the person it needs to go to. he has the only key for the PO Box that the church has, and picks the mail up once a week and organizes it and hands it out. He does all the computer stuff at home, and for my parents. He does our car maintenance.

 

So, even though he enjoys working with his kids, I feel like I'm laying a whole other burden on him when the kids need his help with school stuff.

 

I also am wondering what my position in life is. Though I think it'd work well for him to teach the kids at this point (based on his higher knowledge skills) and me to work, I'm not really marketable for work. I didn't keep up my credentials, because I didn't want to teach in a school system again.

 

And please don't ask me why I wrote this message--I dunno exactly! ;) I guess the title says it. Maybe I'm feeling unneeded. Like dh has all this going for him--job, intelligence, organization.... And what do I have? I feel like he's doing EVERYthing, and I'm doing nothing, really. I'm not sure where to go with these thoughts, or what to do in real life.

 

Anyone btdt, or have any comments, suggestions, anything? I feel stuck in a mud puddle and need to be pulled out of it. Can anyone lend a hand? :001_huh:

Edited January 5, 2009 by Brindee

[Tarheel Heather]

:grouphug:Brindee!

 

I'm sure you have contibuted more than you think!

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: (HUGS) I understand how you feel. You bring something to your children's education that your dh can't. YOU!

 

Can you learn beside or ahead of your dc? I think about my son who loves math and science and I get nervous thinking ahead, but I'm trying to stay ahead of him in those subjects.

 

Brindee, you are special. Your family needs you and I'm sure a cohesion would be missing if you weren't right in the mix of things. What character qualities do you see in yourself that make you unique? Laundry, cleaning, paying the bills those things are always there, they aren't permanent. I KNOW you have qualities that create permanence in the lives of your dc.

(HUGS)

[newlifemom]

You know Brindee, my first reaction is to ask you if you are pmsing. Seriously, I ask that b/c there are times when I start to question everything, which it seems like you are doing now and 1 or 2 days laters -Oh, nevermind. KWIM? Maybe what you need is a hot bath, a good book and some wine or chocolate, maybe both. Take a little time and get a little perspective. My guess is you are very intelligent and are contributing a lot to your children's education. More than you think. HTH.

 

 

 

Oh, and :grouphug:

[Brindee]

Yeah, I know Pam, I DO do that when I'm pmsing too! ;) But no, this time I'm not. Maybe its SAD, since we've had such icky weather lately. At any rate, I can't brush it off that easily. It's hard to explain. I know it's also hard to understand when you're not going through it.

 

Your advice for a hot bath and chocolate is good! That can't hurt ANYtime, right? :)

 

 

Elegantlion, I just love you. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

Heather, I DO feel like I've contributed a LOT---in the past. Right now with my poor dh (who's not complaining btw) doing so much, and the kids getting out of range of my knowledge in homeschooling, maybe I'm feeling inadequate cuz I haven't adjusted yet? I'm not sure what my roll should be. I'm not majorly depressed or anything...more...confused maybe???

 

Thankyou all for your hugs, those always help!:001_smile: Hugs back atcha! :grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: I hear you and understand very well. Going over my dd's math today left me feeling less wonderful and very thankful she fully understood it. :grouphug:

 

You don't need to know more or it all to do a very good job educating your children. If inconsistency with the work is a point of stress, focus on fixing that. Many times students will surpass their teachers; to me that is a good sign of a job well done. I've come to understand that so much of learning is doing the work. As for your dh, he would be helping no matter the teacher. I think many times another voice like dad's offer a fresh perspective that often compliments the mother/teacher. I'll bet he feels honored to help. Remember the two are a team.

 

I have a feeling you are going through a little winter / January stress. It always seems to hit me and I've learned not to fear, but to honestly work through it by identifying two or three things I can work on. Spring is right around the corner. Hang in there, Brindee.:grouphug: