lovinmyboys Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 (edited) Im thinking about relationship “goals” for 2022. This year has been a good year other than my relationships with people. For awhile I didn’t care, then I had a cancer scare and realized I have no one local other than Dh and my kids and my relationship with family has been strained. As I think to next year, I’m trying to decide how to handle these relationships. I have always been close with my family. But the last few years have been strained because of differences in political opinion. I used to think politics shouldn’t matter, but we don’t agree on very basic things. I want to “choose kindness” and do the right thing, and I also love my family, but they just do things that I think are wrong. Should I just not care? They are adults. How much effort should I put into maintaining a relationship with my family? For instance, they won’t get vaccinated and they don’t secure their guns. Is that a reason to not visit? When they say things that are just absolutely not true, do I just smile and nod, or show them that they have been told lies. I hope this makes sense. It is the one area of my life that isn’t working right now and I am trying to figure out what to do different. I also don’t have any local friends. I have never had trouble making friends until we moved here. I think I am too picky. Also trying to decide how much effort I should put toward making friends since we are moving this summer. Edited December 13, 2021 by lovinmyboys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 I would care if my rellies wouldn't get vaccinated and I would certainly not go visiting people I knew didn't secure their guns. As for truth. There are times to argue and times to smile and nod. What does "close to family" mean? Does it mean it's all fine and dandy as long as no one dissents? I am too old and tired to take responsibility for protecting people from feeling something they might not want to feel. What are people's boundaries like? Is there a shared responsibility for maintaining them? Some kinds of "doing things wrong" matter and some don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 I'm with Rosie...I'm too old and too tired to play games. I am what I am, love me or don't, I'm not playing games. Life is too short for bulls#$$ and people who don't respect me. I'm over it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 Can you think of any capacity in which your family of origin is enjoyable and safe? If unsecured guns is a deal breaker, (and I don't disagree that unsecured guns are a huge problem), can they visit you at your home? Or at outside activities, like restaurants, movies, etc? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted December 13, 2021 Author Share Posted December 13, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, MissLemon said: Can you think of any capacity in which your family of origin is enjoyable and safe? If unsecured guns is a deal breaker, (and I don't disagree that unsecured guns are a huge problem), can they visit you at your home? Or at outside activities, like restaurants, movies, etc? Yes thanks! Edited December 13, 2021 by lovinmyboys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted December 13, 2021 Author Share Posted December 13, 2021 I just discovered that last weeks episode of Hidden Brain is kind of about this topic. How it is hard for humans to hold two contradictory points of view in their brain at the exact same time. We alternate the views. So what do we do with a neighbor who brings us soup when we are sick, but then posts vile opinions on social media. So I am going to listen to that today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 I am dealing with this on a small level. Most of our family is fine, but one part that we care deeply about and used to be very close to has taken the Qanon (and stolen election) route. We can avoid the political and conspiracy topics and still have a relationship, but the line gets drawn with their irresponsible Covid protocols, specifically not vaccinating, not masking, and not quarantining, even when they all HAD Covid. They knowingly went out and engaged, unmasked, with the general public. That is our line. We absolutely will not be with them in person and it is something we have all just agreed not to discuss. They assume it is a schedule thing and we cannot bring ourselves to explain the real reasons. There are a whole lot of complicating factors that I won't go into as to why we cannot explain why we will not visit in person. But the fact remains that we have not seen them in person for two years, including have not met their newest child. We are starting to fear that this relationship cannot be saved. I am sad about it but there is a line of what I can accept and cannot. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 13, 2021 Share Posted December 13, 2021 I’m not sure I know the answer to this, but I did just finish reading “The Brainwashing of my Dad” by Jen Senko. I nodded my head through the whole book and highlighted more than half the passages. At minimum, I suppose misery loves company and it’s oddly comforting to know other people have these complicated relationship problems. But it was ultimately hopeful because her dad “came to his senses” eventually and a couple of the factors as to how that happened were so interesting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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