My dd (15) has very little interaction with boys (young men)

[Paz]

I always saw this as a positive but today I was wondering. We homeschool and she plays softball at the local high school. We attend church. Right now she doesn't attend a youth group or other homeschool events because 1) she has some sensory issues and can't handle the loud music, noise and 2) we're very busy with other things. She does have a brother, a male personal trainer in his 20's, and interacts with my brother and my co-worker. she doesn't really show much interest in boys, says she doesn't have the time for them. But today she came home from softball a little sad about some things. Some of the girls on her team got flowers from little friends in school, others (older girls) got stuffed animals/flowers from their boyfriends. She told me about it and mentioned that it wasn't worth going to public school for this. It's not that I want her to have attention from young men but I am wondering if she is not learning the social interaction and if this will make things difficult later in life? (She is able to talk to most adults of either gender, she is not as comfortable around peers when they are talking about music or boys.)

[JFSinIL]

Sounds like she has the right amount of interaction with the opposite gender....what goes on in public school can be over-stimulated, peer-pressured, interaction.

 

Reminds me how one of our teen babysitters, from a very Christian family that did "courtship" - one year an older brother got the teen girl a teddy bear, flowers, and took her to dinner. She spoke so much about it - special attention from her older brother to make her feel special on Valentine's day (or maybe it was her birthday - I forget) while she waited for Mr. Right to show up (he eventually did. She is now married with two kids...and this makes me feel OLD! One of our former babysitters is married with kids!!!)

[Doran]

I can't say that I have reached formal, fixed conclusions. But, like you, I have thought about the social isolation factor that is part and parcel with homeschooling, particularly in a small community. Like yours, my kids can interact well with plenty of folks from all walks of life and of varying ages. But, they don't get as much "practice" at being among both genders of similar/same age kids, particularly boys.

 

This summer (and I'll soon post another interesting aspect to this in a separate thread), my 13 year old struck up a friendship with a boy in our karate class who happens to be 18. He is from El Salvador, so he is a high school junior. His English is still coming around, but he seems to be a nice kid, from what little I know of him (I see him only in class). One summer class night, he asked my dd if he could visit her at the farmers' market where she worked that Saturday. There was a question to me from my dd about whether they could walk around town together after she got off work. I said "No." So, the boy came to the market, and they visited there (with me also there, nearby) until the market closed. Then we went to our respective households. Short and sweet.

 

When I ran it past my husband (ahead of time), he wasn't sure all this was a good idea. He said she was too young for a boy to be coming to see her. My perspective was that if she was in school, she'd be seeing boys everyday, without our presence. And, I continued, "How else is she going to learn how to communicate with boys if she doesn't get a chance to practice?"

 

We are not in the "no dating" camp, though we have no plans to allow it for several more years. But, my feeling is I'd rather my daughters learn how to "be" around boys (and girls) before they are away from home and unable to come to me/us for daily advice. Therefore, we will try to cautiously cultivate and/or allow opportunities for our girls to be exposed to the nuances of establishing a relationship (not a romantic one) with both sexes.

 

Since your dd has not shown a real interest in boys, and you sense some discomfort and maybe awkwardness in her interactions with peers, it might be a good idea to try to give her more opportunities to be among kids. It's hard to be the odd man out, as she was today at softball. That's a lesson in and of itself. So, maybe you can seek out activities and people that will allow her to test the waters without feeling like she's missing out.

 

These are tender years. You are a smart mother to be thinking ahead for your dd.

 

Doran

[Kelli in TN]

I do know what you mean. My daughter is 17 and has never been asked out, has never been flirted with, has never been complimented by a guy.:(

 

She does not want to date, but she has said she wishes that some guy would just flirt with her, just once, so she could see what it's like.

 

This is compounded by the fact that her older sister (by two years) has to fight guys off. Seriously. Random guys are constantly complimenting her, asking her out, flirting with her.

 

Just one guy, that is all we need, just one guy to say "Hey, you look really nice today."