G5052 Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 This is an oddish post because I'm trying to untangle something that is probably beyond figuring out long-distance. I can't fly out to be there (DH disabled and ill), and the doctors won't return calls because of privacy isssues (sigh). My 75 y.o. mother has small vessel disease, specifically with vascular dementia (like Ahlzeihmer's but different mechanism), memory problems, affective disorder (extremes of mood), and periods when she blacks out. And she and Dad (who also has medical issues) still live in their house with no help. Not a good situation, but there it is. Everyone (including their doctors) have tried without success. My mom actually just changed internists because she got tired of her previous one telling her that she and Dad need to hire help or move out. That internist returned my calls and was very helpful (sigh). The new one's nurse left me a nasty voicemail about privacy issues and my mom being mentally competant enough to tell me what I need to know. Right. When she had surgery a year ago she barely remembered what body part they were operating on when she was being prepped and they almost cancelled because of that! Mom apparently has an orange-sized tumor in her belly somewhere between her bladder and stomach (she had her uterus out 35 years ago). This has been confirmed by a neighbor who was with her when they saw the tumor in the the emergency room when she was taken there with stomach pains and fainting. Meanwhile she has a friend taking her to various appointments with surgeons and urologists. The friend won't talk to me because my mom has convinced her that I'm going to put my mom in a nursing home if I find out what's going on. My mom just tells me that it's a "little" thing that isn't causing her any problems at all other than the time she went to the emergency room. The neighbors don't know anything more than I do, and there's no relatives that she's talking to that know anything either. My dad can no longer speak (advanced Parkinsons'). What are the odds that this is cancer? I haven't heard of too many benign abdominal cancers, occasionally inflamation -- but this seems to have been ruled out. Our dear elders! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 I would find a way to speak directly to the new doctor. The first thing I'd do is tell him about the nastygram from the nurse. That is uncalled for on a voicemail or in person. The second thing I'd talk to him about is the possibility of him contacting you if/when your mother becomes incompetent. If you are an only child there needs to be some sort of arrangement made to contact you in case of emergency since your father is nonverbal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Trying to care for our aging parents is a difficult road to navigate, especially when they have a hard time letting us help. Healthcare professionals really are between a rock and a hard place with the threat of lawsuits hanging over them. My MIL had the cleaning lady take her to the ER after she fell instead of calling me. I only live 2 miles away from her. I can't figure it out! I don't know anything about abdominal tumors. My first reaction would be that it's bad, however, I would much rather get my info from a specialist who see's more of that specific situation than from an ER doc. Not meaning to disparage ER doc's AT ALL. They're, literally, life savers! I hope that you're able to get the information you need and that your mom pursues a diagnosis and treatment. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 What are the odds that this is cancer? I haven't heard of too many benign abdominal cancers, occasionally inflamation -- but this seems to have been ruled out. Our dear elders! I am so sorry that this answer is no help, but just know I'm thinking of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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