Transforming the Difficult Child (credit system)

[ELaurie]

For those of you who are familiar with this book, I have a question.

 

I've tried to implement the credit system, and invariably, I find that I just don't keep up with it.

 

However, I feel like ds 6 ( a "difficult child" indeed : ) needs a concrete, structured system of some sort to get him on track with his school work.

 

The one thing he's really motivated to earn is "screen time", primarily computer time (of which he currently has very little, and then only on Webkinz or using games we own). He is also motivated to earn time watching approved TV shows and videos (again, he does this relatively infrequently), Leapster, and playing with ds 9's Wii.

 

He and I did some brainstorming today and here is what we came up with:

 

He can earn 5 credits for every subject he completes in school each day. He can also earn extra credits for doing additional work beyond what is expected.

 

He can earn 15 credits for not fighting with his brother and for prompt obedience. I will also award partial credits in these categories, and reserve the option to award extra credits any time he does something especially noteworthy (positive attitude, excellent manners, graciously accepting "no" for an answer, etc. - Do you think I need to make a list of these, or does that just add unnecessary complexity?)

 

He can turn in his credits for screen time, up to an hour a day, but not more than 30 minutes in one modality (the chances that he will earn this much time are relatively slim).

 

He can store up credits to be used on the weekend (when he won't be earning them for school).

 

I'm trying to keep the system simple enough that I will be consistent with it; comprehensive enough to have my bases covered, and straightforward enough to be motivating for him.

 

I'd like to use this as a set of "training wheels" to instill better habits, then reevaluate when I feel it is no longer needed.

 

I'm toying with the idea of starting a "social group" to discuss this approach further; although I really have no idea how to do that. Let me know if you are interested, and maybe I can figure it out :)

 

Maybe all I really need is a :grouphug: and some chocolate :tongue_smilie:

Edited November 4, 2008 by ELaurie

[BMW]

It was very hard for me to keep up with a points system.

 

It was also hard to keep up with numerous rules.

 

I ended up using the philosophy... commenting on what child is doing (registering as positive attention in his brain) and complimenting good behaviors and traits. Then I give 5 minute time outs immediately for talking back, aggression with siblings or tattling. I keep the rules simple...

 

And what I end up doing with each child, individually, is set up what they need to work on...

 

So, it looks like this:

 

11yob: bedtime is 8pm. Each negative behavior that needs correcting deducts 3 minutes from bedtime (he loves to stay up!) (yes, even if he does get a time out) But, then, for each page of school work that is neatly completed with understanding earns 3 minutes to stay up. And, occasionally I give him opportunities to earn back time if he lost it, but it costs him!

 

I keep the 4 boys names on a writing board on my hallway wall, next to living room, and I just tally what happens as the day goes by. But, incentives may vary from child to child.

 

This is just how I applied what I learned from the book.

[KS_]

One of the more difficult things for us to figure out when we started the system was what to use for "credits" and how many credits for which privileges, etc. We finally decided to use play money for the credits (by-product of which, my kids are very good at counting and changing money). We've changed the amounts on things several times as we went along, and have a fairly set system now. I found that being able to tweak the system to concentrate on areas that needed more attention has been really helpful.

 

For instance, for quite a long time, ds was getting time-out after time-out. The time-out itself didn't seem to be enough of a deterrent at that point, so we instituted a "bonus" for having a no time-out day (an extra play dollar). As we've gone along, we've pretty much done away with the time-outs (except in more severe instances where they refuse to listen at all, or are getting very worked up and need a break to calm themselves). So they can still get the bonus $1, but it's a bonus for having a really good day with no reminders about being nice/kind, etc.

 

So what our system looks like is that they have a total of 95 cents for credits per day, with the potential $1 bonus. They get another $1 bonus for being well behaved in church, paying attention, acting appropriately (which isn't much of an issue anymore as they are getting older, but they like the bonus). Most things, like snacks, cost 25 cents. Computer (1/2 hour) costs 50 cents. A movie or DVD on the weekend costs $1 if only one of them wants to watch, or they can cooperate in choosing one and pay 50 cents each.

 

Occasionally we'll have something more special that costs quite a bit more in credits (for awhile, we had the option of a Toys R Us trip for $10, but they've just got way too many toys and we nixed that one).

 

And we changed from the book by handing out fines for certain misbehaviors (in place of the time-outs - it seemed to be more effective). A fine for disobedience is $1. We also have "reminder fees" to help in certain areas, like whining or talking in a disrespectful tone. Ds can be a difficult student, so his computer "fee" is tied to his behavior in school, and when he'd have a total meltdown in school, his computer costs would go up by 25 cents (that's one privilege he really likes). After a certain period of time with very good school days, it has gone back down to the original 50 cents.

 

It's not perfect, but for ds, it has worked well and both he and dd really like having the credits to spend and make choices about what things to spend them on.

[lulubelle]

I just got to that part in the book about the point system. I implemented it to my 6 year old for about 2 days and it was too much for us to keep track of. I felt like I was having to talk about it too much - took a lot of energy on my part. He seems to be out of his 2 month negative funk too - so I'm not as desperate. I may go back to it some time when he's older. It seems like a neat system. I like the idea of them keeping track of it themselves and my 6 yo is not ready. It's a great book. I'm trying to stay in the 'video moments' as much as possible - that's hard in and of itself! Good luck to you!

[Alexandra]

talking about this derned system. I knew right away that it would not work for us. I did, however, think that it was an excellent book and found it to be very helpful.

Alexandra