I got mad and pulled DS out of school

[PeterPan]

On the flip side, for my 2E ASD son, less really is more. He does so much better with more down time. IN fact, he's blossoming in community college because fewer classes, and fewer hours in a classroom, works great for him. So I guess that's back to what they say...if you've seen one kid with ASD you've seen one kid with ASD. 

 

I don't think we're saying the same thing. You're saying less stress, a more reasonable load, appropriate down time. I totally agree. My ds is the same way. Too much stress, too little downtime, that's a recipe for meltdowns. 

 

What I was specifically talking about in context was interaction vs. feral time. Come into my world vs. drift into your own world. The more my ds goes into his own world, the harder it is for him to come out. I try to be cautious about letting him go feral. It really, really shows at this stage.

 

What I've *been told* is that it gets better, that as they're connected more they can have more alone time and come back more easily. But the op's dc is 6 and my ds is 8. I think that come back more easily thing is in the teens, like your ds is, where you've put years into him. But my ds now? If I let him go feral for a few hours, he can be really, really hard to snap back. It can be a long payback. Like I'm looking at taking a 2 day trip to visit my dd, and I'm thinking about how much payback I'll have to get him back on track and working with me when I get back. It's pretty real at this age.

[Reefgazer]

If you are relieved, then you made the right decision, bad mood or no.  Don't look back.

 

After finding him crying and rocking back and forth in the cool down room, crouched in a cubby in the closet. For the fourth time in two weeks. He's autistic and has autistic behaviors that are sometimes difficult, but the school is making next to no attempt to manage the overstimulation he's struggling with.

I told the assistant principal after they called me yesterday morning to come get him that he wouldn't be back. I have fourteen days to submit my letter of intent to homeschool, which I will on Monday. The school just called me and said they want to have a meeting on Tuesday before I do "something that might handicap him academically and socially." I'm recovering from the flu and not in the best of moods, but I managed to explain that my twelve years of homeschooling didn't seem to hinder my acceptance to (and subsequent graduation from) any colleges or graduate schools.

I know it was a knee jerk reaction, and I've been sick in bed for a week, but all I feel is relief.

 

[MedicMom]

The antecedents were all sensory. He has a couple of demands that set him off, particularly anything to do with reading or writing, but that wasn't the issue on these particular days.

He does a lot of outings; my husband works long hours and DS simply has to go with me and his siblings to do whatever we need to do. His public behavior is impeccable, whether it's grocery shopping, going to a movie, standing in line or being told no in a restaurant. I travel fairly often alone(one or two weekends a month, far enough away we stay in a hotel) with all three kids and he's actually really helpful, especially with his younger siblings.

 

By nature of our family life, he doesn't withdraw into his own world. He plays constantly with his sister and when he isn't, he's underfoot talking to me. He has chores and responsibilities, and he does them with minimal reminders. Our biggest struggle is his loathing of anything to do with ELA.

 

He is diagnosed as ASD1. He needs support in areas of flexibility and difficulty transitioning from activities, particularly from a more preferred to a less preferred activity. And while he doesn't qualify for occupational therapy any longer, he has definite sensory concerns, especially as far as clothing textures and noise affect him.

Edited March 4, 2017 by MedicMom

[Mom22ns]

I don't think we're saying the same thing. You're saying less stress, a more reasonable load, appropriate down time. I totally agree. My ds is the same way. Too much stress, too little downtime, that's a recipe for meltdowns. 

 

What I was specifically talking about in context was interaction vs. feral time. Come into my world vs. drift into your own world. The more my ds goes into his own world, the harder it is for him to come out. I try to be cautious about letting him go feral. It really, really shows at this stage.

 

What I've *been told* is that it gets better, that as they're connected more they can have more alone time and come back more easily. But the op's dc is 6 and my ds is 8. I think that come back more easily thing is in the teens, like your ds is, where you've put years into him. But my ds now? If I let him go feral for a few hours, he can be really, really hard to snap back. It can be a long payback. Like I'm looking at taking a 2 day trip to visit my dd, and I'm thinking about how much payback I'll have to get him back on track and working with me when I get back. It's pretty real at this age.

 

This was very true here. When ds was little if he was allowed to pull into his own world, it was very hard to get him back. Being able to pull him back, then for him to be able to shift on his own, was a very gradual process. It didn't suddenly appear in his teens, but slowly developed year by year. When he was 6, he was in public school and he needed some significant downtime each day to recover, but it was hard to pull him out afterwards. It was a hard balancing act.

 

Now as an adult, taking light loads in college, having down time to pursue his interests and plenty of time alone are all good things. Being overwhelmed and going into overload is the worst and the thing we fight the most. I still watch though. If he pulls back too far and stops communicating, I know he is spiraling out of control. I've been known to tell him he must come home for a weekend, which can give me time to help him rebalance. I encourage him to sleep, eat, talk, and get back to a healthy mental and physical place in the midst of chaos. It definitely was different when he was little though.

[momacacia]

I'm so sorry! I think you're response was very reasoned and appropriate.