Help me! I'm seriously outnumbered. (it's long but I need your advice)

[plain jane]

My grade two-er needs me a LOT during the school day. I can't leave her alone for more than 10 minutes (and that's pushing it) and expect her to still be working when I come back. If I leave the room or stop watching her she starts fidgeting, watching her siblings, day dreaming, you name it. The curriculum choices I have made for her are also very teacher intensive. I don't mind this at all, in fact I prefer it at this age. Still, the only subject she can do mostly on her own is math- and since it's her most dreaded, I have to sit beside her to ensure it gets done without being dragged out over a two hour period. Once you add in grammar, spelling, science, history and Latin, we're talking a lot of one-on-one time.

 

Then there's my preschooler. She's wants to learn; she's ready to learn. I tried OPG with her a while back and it didn't click so I put it away. Now, she's learning to read from the Letter Factory DVD's :blushing:. Why? Because I can't find the time to spend with her. Oh sure, we try to sit together and do a craft each day or work on a workbook together but it's such an ordeal. In order for this to work I have to position her at another table from my 7yo and place myself strategically in the middle of the two of them (all the while holding a squirming baby) so that the older one can't see the younger one. If the older one does then she will drop everything she is doing and help the younger one. Apparently it is very fascinating to relearn preschool.:glare: I've offered my older one to stop her grade 2 work and redo preschool but she has declined my offer. Still, I can't get her to do her own work while her sister is doing hers. Oh, and the more interesting the project the younger one is working on (playdough or certain discovery toy activities I have) the harder it is to get older one to focus.

 

Even if I manage to get past the difficulties of the older two while nursing and entertaining the baby, my difficulties are far from over. Yes, there is now the toddler to contend with. He's my king of destruction, mischief, and troublemaking. He needs constant supervision and stimulation to keep him out of trouble. He screams if he doesn't get his way (which is often) and can be hard to entertain because he's also very smart. He goes berzerk when the younger dd is doing a craft or working with some learning toys because he wants to do them too. Problem is, he's too young. He doesn't want the felt substitutes that only work on his "special" paper. He wants to colour on my walls with the felts. :glare: He wants to do everything dd does and if I don't let him, it's a huge screaming session. Even if he's completely uninterested in a toy, if dd starts to play with it, he's there fighting her for it. I can't hear myself think when those two get going so I can hardly expect my oldest to do her school work while all this is going on.

 

Lately, I've been foregoing preschool and having dd and ds fight and bicker their own way while I do school with my oldest. But this way, both my middle two are getting ignored. I'm having huge discipline issues with Mr.2 year old because he's not getting enough attention from me during the day. Same with my preschooler. I know both would behave better if they had more one on one time with me, but how?? How do I fit it all in???

 

I need to know how to get quality one-on-one time with each of them every day. I've tried reading to ds while the girls are settled into their school but he won't accept just one book. Oh no. That sends him into yet another temper tantrum because apparently if I have time for one then I must have time for 10 more.:001_huh: I've tried doing one-on-one with younger dd while ds naps and oldest is doing silent reading but honestly, younger dd needs a daily nap too. She can skip some days but usually she is intolerable come evening if she hasn't napped. We've tried having each child stay up later one night per week for special time but that doesn't work because I think the kids need me during the day and whoever stayed up late the night before is now the grumpy one the next day. I've tried family reading time but ds can't follow the books dd is interested in and dd is bored by his books and my oldest is not pleased with either of their selections.

 

I try to do family games with them- rolling a ball or car, marbles or other such activities but it's tough with a baby in arms. It's tough with the different genders and the differences in interests. It's just plain tough.

 

As a side note, I am able to keep the middle two entertained on their own with books on tape or other such activies (and the very occasional movie). My problem is that between school, nursing, cooking, cleaning, bills etc. I can't find the time to spend with them.

 

Aaaaahhhhhhh. How do I be a competent mother and homeschooler to all these little kids while running a household (and keeping it clean) all at the same time?? I'm in need of your best advice here, ladies and gents. :bigear:

[NancyNellen]

OK, my advice? (This is in bullet form because I just spent hours painting my family room and I am pooped!)

 

*You need a schedule of some kind. It doesn't have to be set in stone, but the kids should have a rough idea of what comes next. They will thrive (and I mean thrive) on the structure. Mine have.

 

*Set up a time for your 2nd grader to play with the toddler while you do preschool w/ your preschooler. Each of my kids spends 1/2 hour w/ their 1 year old brother while I cycle through working one-on-one with everyone else.

 

*Room time. I am a HUGE proponent of this. My little guy spends 45-60 minutes playing in his crib every morning with a few toys. Start with 10 minute increments and work up. Once my little ones reach 2, they spend time in their bedrooms with a gate at the door.

 

*Exercise. Get the kiddos outside for a walk or a romp around the yard every day. Preferably at the same time every day, so they can expect it. It will help with nice long naps, as well.

 

*Lay down the law. At book reading time, Mommy reads 'x' number of books. Every day. If the child doesn't like it and chooses to throw a tantrum, discipline him. Eventually he will know the drill.

 

*Get the baby in an exersaucer, bouncy seat, Johnny jumper, highchair, whatever, so that your hands can be free more often. If baby needs to be close at certain times of the day, toss him/her in a sling.

 

*As far as your 2nd grader's ability to focus, it will slowly come. Give short lessons. Set the timer. Praise her for staying on task for 10 minute intervals. She is young. All of mine struggle periodically throughout the day w/ their focus. Explain to her that she is responsible to do the work before her, even if you are working on something else. Just like you spent time with her when she was in preschool, you will also spend time with her sister without interruption.

 

*Have special activities that your preschooler and toddler can work on together. Bring out the Playdoh, for instance, and explain that it will only stay out as long as they can peaceably share. Sharing takes practice, and needs to be reinforced by having privileges taken away when they fail to share.

 

 

Some thoughts for you. Spend the time now to set the groundwork for expectations and your year will be much smoother. Good luck!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Am I reading this right that your oldest is the 7 year old?

 

What I would do:

Read-a-louds at breakfast while 2nd grader, preschooler, toddler and baby are all busy but able to listen. This should cover much of history and science.

 

Science experiments with everyone in the kitchen. Make it a fun time of exploration. A 2nd grader won't be experimenting with anything dangerous. Even a toddler should be able to play with some of the science stuff.

 

Plug in a Letter Factory DVD for the preschooler - that's ok for now. If you can, plunk the toddler and baby down in front of it too. Choose one subject to do with 2nd grader one-on-one for 20 minutes max. As soon as the subject is done, release them all to play.

 

Read-a-louds at lunch while 2nd grader, preschooler, toddler and baby are all busy but able to listen. This should cover the rest of history and science reading. You could possibly do grammar orally during this time too.

 

Naptime: you have two 20-minute subjects left. Do it together and then ask her to play quietly for the rest of quiet time. If the preschooler is awake, then she needs to have quiet time.

 

The rest of the day - be a mom - do chores all together - read stories to the littles, do play dough or blow bubbles. . .

 

BTW: I agree with Nancy's post in its entirety too!

[Amy in Orlando]

Nancy is right on target! I love her suggestions and second them.

 

I will also add, please try not to stress. You will not believe how much easier your life will become with each passing year. Your 2nd grader will be fine. When the day is really bad, nurse the babies and read aloud A LOT. If she's fidgety, give her a coloring page (easy to find with Google) or some playdoh to mess with while you read. One of my sons did really well sitting on an exercise ball while he did his work, just to toss that out there.

 

You have SO MUCH time ahead of you. Don't beat yourself up or stress too much right now. Really, it's true. I promise. You can come to my house and we can trade kids for an hour or so and you'll see it's true (do you mind letting my older son drive - he needs practice).

 

Hang in there. 8)

[NancyNellen]

Thanks, Amy, for adding the nice, kind words! In my eagerness to get all my ideas out there, I wasn't too encouraging. Sorry about that, Jane!!

 

I agree completely with Amy. It gets so, so, so much easier as they get older!:001_smile:

[Aggie]

It must have taken me quite a while to write this post because Nancy's wasn't there when I started! LOL Nancy, Jean and Amy have great posts!

 

 

Here are a few things I did when our dc were younger...

 

I would spend time with the toddler first thing in the am while I had the 1st and 2nd graders reading. If the older ones didn't read, it was a discipline issue, not a school issue, so I had to correct/teach that. If your older dc likes math, she might like a math facts page to time herself.

 

Having your 7yo 'teach' your pre-schooler is actually a great idea, I think! That is great bonding time, it re-enforces those concepts, and it puts her in the school mode. Let her help, I say!

 

Our toddlers always spent time in their room alone. We started with 5 minutes, then worked up to close to an hour. It is a great skill to have them learn. :)

 

Each of our dc tried to throw a tantrum once. I picked them up and placed them right in their crib. That is an unacceptable way to communicate, imo, and we gave them other ways to get our attention. If the toddler screams, deal with the behavior *right* then, every time. It will make your days much nicer! :)

 

Here's how our 'schedule' (and I use that term loosely!) was way back then ;)

 

9: work/play with toddler while older 2 read, do math facts sheets, or older one 'teaches' younger one

 

10: have toddler play alone while doing school with older 2

 

11: preschooler plays with toddler, con't school with oldest dc

 

12-2: lunch/recess/read alouds

 

2: baby, toddler, and preschooler nap, have more school with older dc

 

I can't remember how smoothly those days went, really. Either days were very nice or time is kind and suppresses all bad memories. :lol:

 

hth,

Aggie

Edited October 22, 2008 by Aggie

[plain jane]

Thanks, Amy, for adding the nice, kind words! In my eagerness to get all my ideas out there, I wasn't too encouraging. Sorry about that, Jane!!

 

I agree completely with Amy. It gets so, so, so much easier as they get older!:001_smile:

 

Thanks, Nancy! You had some great ideas! I wasn't looking for encouragement this time around, just practical advice. :) Thank you.

[plain jane]

What I would do:

Read-a-louds at breakfast while 2nd grader, preschooler, toddler and baby are all busy but able to listen. This should cover much of history and science.

 

Science experiments with everyone in the kitchen. Make it a fun time of exploration. A 2nd grader won't be experimenting with anything dangerous. Even a toddler should be able to play with some of the science stuff.

 

Read-a-louds at lunch while 2nd grader, preschooler, toddler and baby are all busy but able to listen. This should cover the rest of history and science reading. You could possibly do grammar orally during this time too.

 

Great idea! I've read about doing read-alouds during meals on these boards before but had forgotten that idea. Thanks for the reminder! Yes, science experiments are a family affair here. All the kids look forward to them. :) Thanks, Jean!