Grrr....Kids Want To Go Back To Public School

[GoodGrief]

I'm guessing she has dreams of high school romance, incited by the social media connections. Pretty normal!

 

I agree with the person who said that homeschooling high school will be super tough if you don't have buy-in from the teen. Post-high school will be tough too, as everything that goes wrong in life will be blamed on the "forced" homeschooling (a close friend/homeschool mom just had this very conversation with her young adult daughter last night.)

 

As someone else said, it may not be a realistic option to enter public high school anyway though, after homeschooling ninth grade, depending on your local policies. Likely she would not want to repeat ninth grade.

 

My oldest did insist on public high school after eighth grade. She was feeling angsty and unhappy, and felt like homeschooling was the problem. Ninth grade went okay in the public school, but she realized she was still angsty and unhappy. The rest of high school consisted of at least part time homeschooling, in combination with some other situation every year.

[kewb]

This, a million times. This is why it is nearly impossible to drag an unwilling teen through homeschool.

Yes. Since I posted about this struggle with my ds all through high school I can attest to how true it is.

With hind sight being 20/20 I do now wonder about the path not taken. Academically continuing homeschooling was the right decision but the social aspect was an ongoing issue. There are things I wish I had done differently. The months ds was not on board did damage to our relationship.

[saffron]

Perhaps consider allowing them to go to the public school so long as their grades stay above a certain level?

 

Alternatively, get them to focus on their future goals (as an adult) and write them down. Then talk about how they'll need to live now to achieve those goals. Discuss how you fear things might turn out if they go to public school. Sounds like long term thinking might be lacking.

[kitten18]

I think it would be difficult and far less than ideal to homeschool an uncooperative, surly high schooler, so I would like to change her attitude and get her fully onboard.

 

 

I think you're right about that.

Does she have contact with any older high schoolers that go to PS? My dd goes to ballet everyday, the older girls that she talks to there tell her how lucky she is to be homeschooled and about the amount of homework they have.

The PS where I live are very good but they assign goofy amounts of busywork.

My dd doesn't want to go to PS because she knows she wouldn't be able to stay in as many ballet classes and wouldn't have time for private lessons. She's only in 7th grade though so things could change.

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm getting the impression she's an all or nothing type person who leans heavily toward emotional influences: 

3 co-ops with friends she likes

swim team

interest based education

exciting dual enrollment in the future

senior travel in the future

 

All of that to be given up for socializing with kids she hasn't seen since she was in 5th grade?
It can't really be for socializing daily with peers in general because she had several high quality private school options to choose from. 

No way.  She can take a private school option or continue to be homeschooled, but her irrational desire to reunite with kids she hasn't seen since she was 10 isn't a good enough reason to sacrifice academics.  You're legally and morally responsible for her academics right now and as an adult with foresight and experience, you have determined that the ps she has access to isn't high enough quality to let her attend there. That's enough reason to say no to ps. You don't sacrifice academic quality in the teen years to trade out one set of friends (3 co-ops and swim team) for another set of friends (ps kids.) She isn't experiencing an actual void in her social life, it's just on a schedule (not daily) that doesn't suit her preferences. Sure, go ahead and adjust academics to make more socializing time if you like, but her preference for daily social interaction is not the greatest good in this situation. Several times a week is good enough.


I had one of those teens who griped and whined and fussed about being homeschooled.  She wanted to go to cc at 14 because many of her friends were, but I wouldn't let her until she could follow through on things and finished high school math.  She was 17 when that happened. After her first semester of college she publicly posted an apology to me on FB because she was able to see that the vast majority of ps kids in her classes had been unprepared for community college. One of her professors told her she was the best educated freshman she'd seen, so in spite of her not liking it at the time, she managed to learn enough between the crabbing and complaining and wailing in our homeschool.

[RoundAbout]

I think learning how to make time for friends and socialize without the crutch of seeing them daily is a great skill to learn. I love my friends but in adult life you don't have the luxury of just hanging out in the hallways together. My best friend lives 15 minutes away and if we didn't actively plan time together we would never see each other between work and family obligations. That's something you have to learn and practice.

I would bend over backwards to help her spend more time socializing with her public school friends - have them over every day, let her go to parties, provide transportation, whatever kids do these days instead of going to the mall, etc. but I would not sacrifice academics for a few brief years of socializing with people that she may never see again in a manner that does not resemble real life. Getting into a good college that is an excellent fit will probably lead to more meaningful lifelong friendships and benefit her more in the long run.

[J-rap]

I think you can make either way work, but how do YOU think she would do in public school?  I'm certainly not against public schools.  We were lucky in that our kids could go part-time in our district, plus be involved in after school activities (musicals, sports, etc.), so that fulfilled any public school desires.  

 

In hindsite, I think even full-time public school would have been just fine for my kids.  They were all at good places, had strong character, knew how to study. 

 

But, if I really believed that public school was not a healthy environment for them, I would tell them no but try to work out other interesting options for them that they'd be excited about.  (Plan a fun summer activity -- a camp, for example, where they would be with other teens their age, for example).  I'd be more concerned about it being a healthy environment rather than the academics, as far as going to public school.