Nm

[texasmama]

I think the hardest mental hurdle for me is that I like this kid a lot. I just want to keep him here but I don't know if that will/can work out. I haven't had the guts to have the conversation about how his parents would feel about that :/ I just want to view it as a slight-more-than-friendship for now and not press those issues :). I don't want to be "that" mom.

Since your dd is 17, I think this is the best course.  This friendship may prove to be pivotal in some ways.  It could shape what she wants/values in a future partner.  You just never can tell.  You are a good mom.

 

I have watched from afar, dried tears, advised, etc. for college girl's romances.  It is a hard role but an important one.  I am grateful that she will share her thoughts, experiences, and feelings with me.

[Mabelen]

I met my husband in the U.K. We both were international but no longer students. He was a postdoc and I had just finished college when we met. We dated for three years including a long distance period during the year I went back to Spain before we got married. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary.

 

I agree that at this point the one thing I'd worry about is the almost inevitable break up or at least separation. However, if your daughter has a strong preference for Asian friends she may indeed end up in an international marriage later on.

 

Cultural, religious, wealth/social class, linguistic differences are real and need to be discussed in advance in a serious relationship. I think it is particularly importantly if either one or both families have very traditional expectations and are not open to change. Both my husband's family and mine were very open to embracing the other and their culture. There were some things that were important to each family but they were not a point of contention for my husband or I. There were never any difficulties stemming from our parents and siblings.

 

My husband's background and mine were very different: race, language, religion, social class, part of the world we came from etc but I feel that we navigated these differences pretty well. Of course we have had struggles in our 24 years of marriage but they mostly came from personality differences like any other regular couple. I know that for my family of origin the worst part was the distance between us. For my husband's family this was not as bad because they had more disposable income to come and visit us with certain regularity.

 

All the best.

[kroe1]

After about 10 years of marriage, most of us feel like we are from a different planet than our spouses. I would only be worried about men, irrespective of culture, who are domineering in some form. That would include at least 30% of all men, I suspect.

[Laura Corin]

After about 10 years of marriage, most of us feel like we are from a different planet than our spouses. 

 

Can you explain what you mean?  After ten years, Husband and I had been through some tough times (unemployment, effective bankruptcy, two intercontinental moves, a wedding organised in two weeks and resultant extended family strife, pregnancy coinciding with losing a job...) and we were very much from the same planet, a real team.  

 

We will be having our silver wedding in two years from now.