4 yr old in diapers

[Mom-ninja.]

My 4.5 yr old ds is still wetting his pants. I am at my wits end. He's just too busy doing what he's doing to stop and go to the bathroom. He does not pee at night. He stopped doing that when he was 2. He just won't go during the day.

 

I've not found a consequence, punishment, reward, anything that will get him to stop peeing his pants.

 

I started setting a timer and making him go every 30 minutes but frankly that was disruptive to *my* day. I had to always stop in the middle of a lesson with my older to make sure younger went to the bathroom.

 

So I've just decided to put him back in diapers. It's his call. If he pees in his pants then he has to wear diapers. I will also make him do the diaper laundry. I am taking him out of karate because you can't wear diapers in karate. He will also not play soccer this season for the same reason.

 

Am I the only one who has (or had) a 4 yr old in diapers? I feel like this is so ridiculous because he'll be 5 in four months. Why doesn't he just go the bathroom already? Why am I being challenged like this? :cursing:

[beansprouts]

I fought with my daughter until she was 4. Finally I put her back in diapers also and waited for her to make the decision to use the potty. By 4 1/2 she did.

 

 

:grouphug:

[Philothea]

My son often has days where he wets his pants, because he is too engrossed in playing to go to the bathroom.

 

I got so mad, I put him in of of dd's pink pull-ups. (she's worn boy diapers before, so what the hey) One round of that had him going to the bathroom for the rest of the week at least.

[K&Rs Mom]

I always made mine clean up their accidents. They learned very quickly that it takes less time to go potty and return than it does to change clothes, put wet stuff in the washer, wipe up the floor and wash hands. I also make sure they don't "lose" anything by leaving for the bathroom (like sibling can't take the toy they were using).

 

I think you're doing the right thing ending activities until he makes the change. I have a friend whose dd almost didn't make it to kindergarten because she was still wetting, but that incentive was enough to convince her (August bday, so she was REALLY close to 5).

[Aggie]

when I was little. I do. My bladder would fill up *instantly*. There was no warning, no wiggle room. It was instant. I don't remember having accidents and my mom confirmed that I didn't, but I still remember how shocked I always was when I HAD to go right then. :)

 

Has he seen his pediatrician? Could it be an infection?

 

Perhaps the timer is a good thing for your son. I would make him turn the timer off and go to the bathroom by himself, though. Mom shouldn't have to go with him.

 

Or....take a couple of days off from school and do potty training with him all over again. Make him stay by the bathroom, and have him try to go every 15 min or so. Don't make it fun, no rewards, no toys. Just plain 'ol potty training to remind him again how it's done.

 

Aggie

[Mom-ninja.]

I always made mine clean up their accidents. They learned very quickly that it takes less time to go potty and return than it does to change clothes, put wet stuff in the washer, wipe up the floor and wash hands. I also make sure they don't "lose" anything by leaving for the bathroom (like sibling can't take the toy they were using).

 

 

 

I've had him clean up the mess as well. Carry his clothes to the washer and so forth.

 

I've left him naked (at home) on the bottom half which he hates hates to be naked.

 

No matter what I do he still pees in his pants. I'm just so through with it. If he wants to be a "big" boy like he says and do the things his brother does then he's going to have to prove it to me.

 

I'm so fed up that I can't even bear the thought of having to potty train another child. It's exhausting to think about. So someone tell me quick that this third boy I'm having soon is going to potty train in 3 weeks just like his oldest brother.

[Mom-ninja.]

when I was little. I do. My bladder would fill up *instantly*. There was no warning, no wiggle room. It was instant. I don't remember having accidents and my mom confirmed that I didn't, but I still remember how shocked I always was when I HAD to go right then. :)

 

Has he seen his pediatrician? Could it be an infection?

 

Perhaps the timer is a good thing for your son. I would make him turn the timer off and go to the bathroom by himself, though. Mom shouldn't have to go with him.

 

Or....take a couple of days off from school and do potty training with him all over again. Make him stay by the bathroom, and have him try to go every 15 min or so. Don't make it fun, no rewards, no toys. Just plain 'ol potty training to remind him again how it's done.

 

Aggie

 

It's not an infection. This has been ongoing for almost 2 years. He can go potty when he wants to...like when there is a goal for him such as signing up for karate. He'll go potty just fine for a month or so and then just start not going.

 

I see him dancing and wiggling and bouncing trying to hold it. That tells me he feels the urge to go, and he's trying to ignore it as he makes no move for the bathroom. He'll even tell me he doesn't have to go.

 

As for the timer...he will not go if I do not actually take him by the hand to the bathroom. It will turn into a nag session of me repeating for him to go and he just doesn't go. So either way it takes time away from my 7 yr old while we are doing lessons.

[MicheleinMN]

I told my ds that he could NOT have his next birthday until he learned to potty like a big boy. No cake, no gifts, no party. And I tried everything else I could think of up to that point. I had had it. (And this was my 3rd son, 4th child, so it's not like I hadn't trained anybody before him.) I stuck him back in diapers and just told him he could have his birthday until he was a big boy. (He did figure it before his next birthday.)

 

 

Michele

[hsmamainva]

My youngest daughter is 6 1/2 and still in diapers (she has autism and several other disabilities).

 

She's working on it, though!! But I wanted you to know that, no, you're not alone.

 

And, I'm sure your son will learn to 'go' eventually!! I know that it seems like a 'big deal' right now, but...my daughter struggles to have a simple conversation. Using the potty is the least of our worries!

 

I would not turn it into a power struggle. That is likely to only make the situation worse. He may be holding out because he can...if that makes sense. (I've seen a similar situation unfolding between my niece and my sister-in-law over getting her daughter to eat. They struggle and struggle to make her eat and that just makes it worse. When she's at my house, where food isn't an issue -- I make the food; you choose whether you eat it or not -- if you don't eat it, then you're hungry -- I'm not making something special just for you, etc. -- then, lo and behold, she eats plenty)

 

I will offer you a :grouphug: and a "this too shall pass" thought for the day. :)

[Mom-ninja.]

I would not turn it into a power struggle. That is likely to only make the situation worse. He may be holding out because he can...if that makes sense. (I've seen a similar situation unfolding between my niece and my sister-in-law over getting her daughter to eat. They struggle and struggle to make her eat and that just makes it worse. When she's at my house, where food isn't an issue -- I make the food; you choose whether you eat it or not -- if you don't eat it, then you're hungry -- I'm not making something special just for you, etc. -- then, lo and behold, she eats plenty)

 

I will offer you a :grouphug: and a "this too shall pass" thought for the day. :)

 

 

Yeah, it's to the point that I care more than he does. That is a problem. I have to learn to let it go and put it all on his shoulders. Funny, cause I'm exactly like you when it comes to food so I'm trying to adopt that same attitude with the potty. I'm not going to care if he is in diapers. I'm not going to care.

[hsmamainva]

Here's another :grouphug: for you!!

 

Just adopt the mantra of, "I will be relaxed! He will not go to the DMV for his driving exam, wearing a Pull-up. He will not walk down the aisle on his wedding day, wearing a Pull-up." :)

[Aggie]

I told my ds that he could NOT have his next birthday until he learned to potty like a big boy. No cake, no gifts, no party. And I tried everything else I could think of up to that point. I had had it. (And this was my 3rd son, 4th child, so it's not like I hadn't trained anybody before him.) I stuck him back in diapers and just told him he could have his birthday until he was a big boy. (He did figure it before his next birthday.)

 

 

Michele

 

Now that is a great idea! :)

 

Kleine...is he compliant in other areas? Does he disobey frequently? If/when I tell/ask my dc to do something, they are expected to do it right now. I don't nag, I don't barter. As a matter of fact, in this particular situation, I probably wouldn't even ask. A firm, "Ds, time to go to the bathroom." Followed by a polite "Yes, Mom" and a trip to the loo. At 4yo, he should be able to do this without any trouble.

 

hth a bit,

Aggie

[Kari C in SC]

I told my ds that he could NOT have his next birthday until he learned to potty like a big boy. No cake, no gifts, no party. And I tried everything else I could think of up to that point. I had had it. (And this was my 3rd son, 4th child, so it's not like I hadn't trained anybody before him.) I stuck him back in diapers and just told him he could have his birthday until he was a big boy. (He did figure it before his next birthday.)

 

 

Michele

 

What age was he going to be on his birthday? My ds is going to be 4 on Sept. 30th. I cannot get him to poop in the potty. I just bought his party stuff today. I have told him before that he can't wear diapers or pull ups when he is 4. I have told him he can't play sports in diapers or pull ups. I really don't want to take away his birthday party, but I had considered it. I was just wondering how old your little guy was. Thanks!

[Smithie]

My ds is 4.5 and will still have accidents when engrossed in an activity or a TV show. I've gone through periods where it made me crazy-angry and periods where it didn't - I don't know why my feelings fluctuate so much on this issue! His accidents are almost never in public these days, which lets me know that he has control (and some inkling of decorum developing), so I think that's why I am not stressing too much on it right now.

 

I do agree with a PP that a little kid's urge to go becomes overpowering very quickly, and I think that means we have to train and guide them to drop everything and go at the first sensation. So my ds is always punished for accidents, even if I'm not angered or deeply inconvenienced by them, because I need to impress upon him that using the toilet is a non-negotiable rule of the house. Typically, he loses the toy he was playing with or show he was watching for some period of time. I explain it as "if this toy/show takes so much of your attention that you can't remember to use the potty, then it's not good for you to have it right now. You can try agin later to play with / watch it without forgetting about the potty."

 

I'm not a martinet, I swear! But I do think that at this age, a typically developing child needs to develop a deep and permanent inhibition against wetting or soiling themselves. It will serve them well throughout life.

[Smithie]

(Hi Kari! We're in SC as well, and my "baby" brother is in Boot Camp right now too!)

[Mom-ninja.]

Kleine...is he compliant in other areas? Does he disobey frequently? If/when I tell/ask my dc to do something, they are expected to do it right now. I don't nag, I don't barter. As a matter of fact, in this particular situation, I probably wouldn't even ask. A firm, "Ds, time to go to the bathroom." Followed by a polite "Yes, Mom" and a trip to the loo. At 4yo, he should be able to do this without any trouble.

 

hth a bit,

Aggie

 

Yes, he disobeys every.single.day. My older ds listens very well and rarely disobeys. The difference between the boys is amazing. My 4 yr takes me to the edge every day and several times a day. He is always pushing to see just how far he can go. He tries to turn everything into a debate. He will flat out ignore me or DH at times until we physically make him listen. He is what some would call "spirited" and others call it :cursing: stubborn and defiant. Yes, God sent me this child to test me.

 

 

The birthday idea is pretty good, but right now I don't think I'm even willing to do that. I'm done. He can wear diapers as long as he wants, but he will be doing the diaper laundry.

[Aggie]

I completely understand, Kleine! My older child was so compliant, then comes along ds! What a difference! It's hard to believe they have the same parents and same house rules!

 

This is what we've done with ds. We play an obedience 'game'. I make it fun and light-hearted. Bring the older dc in, too. I'll tell him "when I say JUMP, you say 'yes, mom, then JUMP". Do that a few times, then come up with another task. Do this 4-5 times. Then I tell him, this is how it's going to be with *every* thing I say. There is no debate. I only need to hear, "yes, mom." "Let's practice. Ds, sit down and read." Right away he should say, "Yes, Mom" and sit down and read. The first day or two, I'll throw some silly things in there, and I often have to remind him of his response, but it does become a habit. A good habit. :)

 

(The "yes, mom" lets me know that he heard me. It also helps him take responsibility for whatever I've asked.)

 

Also, I have consequences set up for when he doesn't obey. We discuss this early on, so he KNOWS what is going to happen. "If you don't obey me, I don't feel comfortable taking you _______ because I can't trust that you'll obey your teacher there" or "....you'll lose the freedom to play with _____" It has to be important enough for him to remember TO obey.

 

We practiced this a lot when ds was 4 and 5. It has paid off, too. He still makes mistakes, but he is a joy to be around.

 

You have a lot on your plate now, being preg, having a hurt dog, school, and the every day stuff. I think if you take some time with obedience, it will make part of your busy life a bit easier :)

 

Hope this helps! I think many of us can relate.

 

Aggie

[hsmamainva]

What age was he going to be on his birthday? My ds is going to be 4 on Sept. 30th. I cannot get him to poop in the potty. I just bought his party stuff today. I have told him before that he can't wear diapers or pull ups when he is 4. I have told him he can't play sports in diapers or pull ups. I really don't want to take away his birthday party, but I had considered it. I was just wondering how old your little guy was. Thanks!

 

I had the same problem with my youngest son! Btw...his birthday is September 29th!! That's interesting!! Anyway, he was dry from the age of 2 1/2, but when he had to poop, he'd go get a pull-up (or ask me for one) and then, when he was done, bring me a clean pull-up and the wipes! :glare:

 

And he was a very smart boy (he started doing Kindergarten work at 3)!!! And very obedient in other ways. He just had a...phobia about pooping in the potty.

 

What I did with him was, one day, when he brought me the pull-up, I told him, "You're going to be 5 years old very soon, and I know you can do this." I took his favorite book (I remember it being one of the I Spy books quite vividly!), and took him into the bathroom and sent his siblings in the opposite direction so it would be quiet.

 

I sat down on the edge of the tub and we read the book together. When he really "needed to go", oh, he cried! He was genuinely afraid! But I reassured him that I was there and I was proud of him and he was a good boy and he could do this, etc., etc., --- I was a veritable cheerleader! :D

 

And...he did it and then he looked at me and said, "That was it?" And the look on his face was pure relief. And he never had a problem again. That was the last day he ever asked for a pull-up.

 

Btw...something similar to the party idea worked for my oldest son. It was his 4th birthday and all he had asked for was a Toy Story game for the computer. So we wrapped it up and gave him a few other small toys, and he saw the game and he was thrilled!! And then I took the game and put it on top of the refrigerator. I told him that using the computer was for 'big kids' and, if he wanted to use the computer, he'd have to use the potty.

 

He went upstairs, peed in the potty, put on a pair of underwear, and that was it. He never had an accident, day or night, after that.

 

I guess he really wanted that game after all! :)