2e ASD article on homeschooling

[kbutton]

http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog/guest-posts/special-ed-autism-benefits-home-based-education/

 

I found this encouraging.

[PeterPan]

nt

[Guest]

Awesome article, couldn't have said it better myself! Thanks for sharing :)

[Guest]

nm

[kbutton]

OhElizabeth, I took the whole thing as "We have issues. We are working on those issues. We don't have to choose between working on those issues OR working on academics, but in school, it might HAVE to be one or the other because of the dynamics of a classroom. My kids can move forward academically while we work on the problems. If we have a bad behavioral day, that doesn't negate school or take the place of school. Each area continues to move forward."

 

Part of this is the whole, "You must be awesome to be able to homeschool your kid" and. "Wouldn't it be easier to just put him in school?" stuff I hear a lot. The answer to both of those for me is NO, and this article explains why. If I had a different combination of issues or different timing of needs with my son, my answer might not be the same. If we lived in a different school district, it might not be the same. I know someone, for instance, whose kids (multiple kids with multiple SN) were not receiving an education in school, nor were they benefiting fully from targeted intervention. They had some behavioral issues, but not enough to have that be the focus. They had academic issues, but as long as they were learning "something," then that was good enough for the school. They were time-consuming, so if the teacher found one thing they could do well, they applied it to everything in order for the kids to get their work done. They didn't get additional (necessary) skills. It was, "You can use a hammer--great! Let's show you how to use that hammer when everyone else is using a screwdriver because it's too hard to teach you to use a screwdriver." No thought to whether the hammer was appropriate, or if they could use the screwdriver with some support. They were getting bland vanilla everything in school to the point that the mom is trying to figure out what they know or don't know, and what they can do or not do. It's like swiss cheese.

 

Even with homeschooling, I have the support of tutors for areas of need. That colors my perception as well. If I had no tutors, I would be frustrated and feel overwhelmed because there are certain skills that are very hard to teach my son, and I can't get up to speed as fast I need or want to be. But I also wouldn't be comfortable putting him in our local school at this point. So, that's another factor that allows me to do what I do.

 

Right now, you are getting some therapies, but it's not the same as having no issues in those same areas (remember, you have more than just 2e ASD going on), or having some of those issues resolved and having IN HOME help for the others. 

[Lecka]

I think it sounds really positive, except for that one sentence, "I've been punched and spat at, and I get yelled at almost every day."  

 

Having ever been punched -- maybe her child was very, very young at the time.  If it was an older child (at all in particular) I think this implies to me, they needed help they did not receive in the area of behavior.

 

Spitting -- I feel the same.

 

For "I get yelled at almost every day" ----- I am bothered, but I also don't know what "yelling" is in this situation.  Is it like an "aw, man" said in a loud voice?  Or is it a stream of vitriol?  I have absolutely no way to know.

 

But other than this one sentence, I think it is very encouraging.  

 

If someone is being yelled at and it is not a good situation, then I do NOT think it would be encouraging to read that it continues! 

[Lecka]

K button -- maybe there is no forward movement on the behavior issues b/c they are not getting help that they need.  It is possible.  It could be either way.  

 

They could really be fine and in a normal/acceptable range.

 

They could also be in a not-good situation and not be getting needed help, and not have a way to get it.  

 

I think it is unknown AND trying to read a lot into one sentence.  

 

I am just saying, with my OWN context, I can see it that way, too.  

[kbutton]

I think it sounds really positive, except for that one sentence, "I've been punched and spat at, and I get yelled at almost every day."  

 

Having ever been punched -- maybe her child was very, very young at the time.  If it was an older child (at all in particular) I think this implies to me, they needed help they did not receive in the area of behavior.

 

Spitting -- I feel the same.

 

For "I get yelled at almost every day" ----- I am bothered, but I also don't know what "yelling" is in this situation.  Is it like an "aw, man" said in a loud voice?  Or is it a stream of vitriol?  I have absolutely no way to know.

 

But other than this one sentence, I think it is very encouraging.  

 

If someone is being yelled at and it is not a good situation, then I do NOT think it would be encouraging to read that it continues! 

 

I agree.

 

I read this as, "I get yelled at every day, and I have at some time been punched and spat at." Well, that's kind of my world too. My son doesn't grow without conflict and angst. We do have help. He's a tween, and he's at an awkward stage of development with his ASD where there is a disconnect between what he knows and how to do it in real time. It's the abstract skills he's stuck on, and the behaviorist says these are really hard to nail down. Every time he moves to a new stage of awareness, development, etc. we go through this stage of transition, and then it gets better. If were doing this with him in a school, he'd probably be sent to a special school for kids who've been expelled because he would have NO BEHAVIORAL HELP. I can pretty much guarantee he'd have exited those services if he was even eligible in the first place. His stage right now plus school would equal worse than what she describes.

[Lecka]

That makes a lot of sense to me.

 

I just know personally some people who have really downplayed things that were happening in their home, and it can get to a point where it is just not a good situation.  I think they can have a tendency to seize on anything to make it seem like "it is not so bad."  But maybe it is bad.  

 

But that is not the same as where, some things still come up at times, but overall it really is a good situation.  

 

My same-age cousin had a phase (not too long I think) where he ranted at my aunt and uncle for 2 hours at a time, and they did not get any help for it.  That is a long time to get ranted at.  He was an older teen.  

 

It is a lot different than yelling "why do I have to make my bed?"  

 

I have been around people who use little code words and you are supposed to read between the lines that they are talking about more severe behavior, but they are embarrassed or ashamed, so they only share it with a few other people, those of us who are or have been in the more severe behavior club.  Or who are perceived that way -- I am in that club b/c my son is perceived in a certain way and I hear things that people do not say to other people, sometimes.  It can be something that is very secretive.  

 

But I do think ----- most likely the woman in the article does not have that kind of situation.  She sounds like she is doing well, and is just acknowledging "there are still challenges of this kind that come up" so that people don't read it and think everything is totally perfect.  I get that, and I like it.  

 

I can just also see reading it and being in a different place and going "oh no, I am still going to be getting hit and ranted at, even in this positive account" b/c another person's situation is at a place that is just not a good place.  

 

 

[Guest]

I think with that one sentence she was just trying to show that it's not easy. I did not take the, getting yelled at every day, literally. Perhaps I am wrong though!

 

I take behavioral problems very seriously! It was behavioral problems that sent me down the path of seeking out an evaluation. We all have hurdles we deal with. I completely agree with her that dealing with things at home allows kids to develop in all areas vs ending up with more focus on behavioral at the expense of academics. When there are other labels involved though, naturally, the hurdles will be greater.

[Lecka]

Some of her points I think are spot on. For a couple, I think her kids would get adequate supports in our school district. But I know just bc our district has some supports, doesn't mean hers does, or that her district would make those supports available to her kids.

[kbutton]

Lecka, that is spot on. I have been in several of those places, though if I am minimizing things it's because I am not sure the person is trustworthy, or it's none of their business. In the past, I have been burned by trusting people (pretty much in desperation) who didn't turn out to be trustworthy. In fact, because we had no real reason to seek a diagnosis (had no idea what 2e ASD could look like), we were often undermined by others, and we had some horrific experiences. We were essentially not believed and judged as mentally unhinged to some extent. I know someone who is seeing this pattern with a family member, and the person I know thinks the child in the equation is on the spectrum, and no one sees it. The mom is demoralized, taking the blame for it all, and becoming isolated, depressed, and anxious. I've been there. It's terrible. 

 

I've also been in nearly every other stage you describe, hence the often coded language to feel others out. Overall, we've been aware that something was different with our son all along, but we've not trusted our own judgment always (after all, he could seem perfectly typical at times), and because we weren't sure WHAT was up, we were too scared and defensive to seek appropriate help. Actually, we had no avenue to seek appropriate help--even when we'd consulted with professionals (through semi-coded language with the doctor who doesn't really know him), or via direct counseling, we got BAD responses or neutral response at best. The ped was neutral. When we got our evaluation back and said, 2e PDD-NOS, he was like, "You know that's a spectrum diagnosis? Are you sure?" He's been fine since, but that's the best it's gotten, lol! When we tried counseling when he was a toddler, I was told I was lying about both his capabilities and his behaviors. I am pretty sure I spent the next several years after that experience in PTSD land, though I was so upset by then that there was no way I was seeing another professional anytime soon.

[Guest]

Similar path here kbutton! I hear yah!

[Lecka]

That is helpful to me. I do not always understand the background for some people I talk to, that could fill in a lot of gaps.

 

I have been getting the "super-mom" perception a long time, or the "saintly mom." I do not know what perceptions other people are getting or how they are treated when they put themselves out there.

[Guest]

This was posted temporarily and I have now removed it.

[Guest]

nm