My MIL vent-pass the bean dip isn't working

[Innisfree]

Thanks-I need to rehearse for when this happens again!

[Innisfree]

Sorry about the quote above. I'm on my phone and touched the button accidentally, not meaning to post.

 

Good luck with mil. It sounds like you're doing fine with giving your kids what they need. Trust yourself and keep on with your slow and steady pace.

[Pronghorn]

You might want to role-play with the kids appropriate ways to decline activities or tests they don't want to do. E.g. "my mom is working a lot with me on reading. Could we play a game instead?" I also think you could try to work out a compromise in a conversation with your mil. Is there a non-threatening educational role she could take? Perhaps she could teach drawing or expose them to new types of music or play games that have an educational component. And then show her some appreciation for that clearly defined role. She takes direction in her job. Perhaps she can take direction in her grandma job. I would also welcome from her articles and links to articles about education. That would provide an avenue into talking about your educational views and philosophies without the conversation being so personal as discussing your specific kids.

[fruitofthewomb]

The thing is I think it is reasonable for a grandparent to drag a kid away from video games for fun energetic activity (not actual running laps or punitive type but easy fun stuff) and I also think it is reasonable for a grandparent to insist on good behavoir. So looking it from this angle I think that most of the problem is that you are feeling insucure. Have you pointed out that there is no reason to expect if your children were in PS that they be anything other than average readers. It is not uncommon for a 6 year old to be just taking off in reading and writing. It is also not uncommon for a 6 year old to be in K. Maybe her pride as a grandmother leads her to have unrealistic expectations. With the testing you will just have to make her understand that at this point morevtesting is not desired. But maybe she is seeing something that she thinks could be helped - have you discussed it with her?

Yes I do think expecting good behavior & encouraging physical activity is ok but the way she went about it made it kinda over the top. There really was an attitude of 'my daughter can't handle these kids-I am going to show her & them how it's done' And in the end she hurt her relationship with them all. She has since found a happy medium with that branch of the family.

 

I do think I am probably a little sensitive right now about school related topics.

 

I feel like she is always in assessment mode with them. I don't think she trusts me. For example-after church she pointed out that oldest DD couldn't find the correct page in the hymnal. Why must you point this stuff out to me?! I know this already! And that's what I said-yes i know.

 

BUT to be fair-oldest DD has a lot of medical issues. We are all hyper aware of her actions & behaviors. So maybe that has carried over for MIL into her education. She is so used to watching her for signs that something is 'off'. To me though there is a big difference in 'she seems more tired lately' & 'I had her write some sentences & she is mixing capital letters up with lowercase letters. At school we blah blah blah. I am going to copy some worksheets for you.'

 

Oh and yes I have discussed it with her. We just had a whole round of testing done with oldest DD & I went over results with her *thinking* she would knock it off since I am obviously aware of her shortcomings & am actively working on them. I really think she is trying to be helpful. But it's not helpful to me.

[fruitofthewomb]

You might want to role-play with the kids appropriate ways to decline activities or tests they don't want to do. E.g. "my mom is working a lot with me on reading. Could we play a game instead?" I also think you could try to work out a compromise in a conversation with your mil. Is there a non-threatening educational role she could take? Perhaps she could teach drawing or expose them to new types of music or play games that have an educational component. And then show her some appreciation for that clearly defined role. She takes direction in her job. Perhaps she can take direction in her grandma job. I would also welcome from her articles and links to articles about education. That would provide an avenue into talking about your educational views and philosophies without the conversation being so personal as discussing your specific kids.

My kids would totally spill the beans that mom prepped them!

 

I have tried involving her in a variety of ways. She always oversteps so this year I decided to avoid the topic completely. But she obviously still oversteps!

 

She doesn't have to do any kind of continuing ed or research/reading for her job. She carries out someone else's plans. And she does do a great job with that.

 

I think I will have to be very clear & concise the next time this happens.

[RootAnn]

This story gives me flashbacks with my own mother. The result of her being overbearing and critical of things like handwriting and appearance is that my kids only see her out of obligation. She is lonely and says she wants to see them more, but who wants to go somewhere where criticism is the first response to you? Not me, so I don't make them see her much.

 

Your Dh needs to make it clear to her that the end result of this behavior is grandchildren who do not wish to have her in their lives. I can't think of anything sadder than that.

 

Do we have the same mother?  :iagree:  (Speaking as someone who has contemplated cutting off Gma from the grandkids for behavior that is not becoming to a human being.)