LaughingCat Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 In another thread Mandy in TN said : she doesn't want to be in a situation or perform in a situation where she isn't the best or feels that her performance or score will be less than she wants. and it really rang a bell with me for younger DD. I used to feel that older DD had some perfectionism traits - until recently when younger DD showed me what real perfectionism is lol! What are your tips for gently teaching a child like this that it is ok to make mistakes or not be the best? ETA: added quote attribution Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'll let you know when I figure it out, lol. Was that my post (might have been)? Thing is, as my dd gets older, I'm finding it to be more of a personality trait, and less something that can be "changed". My hope for this upcoming year at home is to harness that energy for good, rather than for evil :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaughingCat Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 The spinoff is from your thread AimeeM :) I didn't keep who wrote that quote when I saved it off - I'll go back and check ETA: found it! Mandy in TN post 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 What are your tips for gently teaching a child like this that it is ok to make mistakes or not be the best? No tips. The wailing/meltdown duration do get shorter as my boys got older. I just let my older cry out his frustrations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I plug it all of the time here, but this book, Mindset, was helpful for us. It gave me a vocabulary to use with my perfectionist. We talk a lot about growth vs. fixed mindset and so forth. We had discussed the topic many, many times, and we always focused on effort vs. end product, etc. as much as possible. But the book was still very helpful to me in framing our conversations. It was not a magical cure, however. For some kids I think it is just a long-term struggle. Maturity has seemed to help some, but we still struggle with this. However, I know we are at least having valuable and helpful conversations, if that makes sense. http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/0345472322 The cover info is a bit misleading IMO. The content is helpful in dealing with perfectionism. I bought it to help my DS1, but in the process of reading it, I definitely recognized a lot about myself. I knew I had perfectionistic tendencies, but this book really helped me look at some of my own behaviors and beliefs. edited to add that NPR has had several shows on about fostering "Grit" in our children. http://www.npr.org/blogs/ed/2014/03/17/290089998/does-teaching-kids-to-get-gritty-help-them-get-ahead which has some overlap with this topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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