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Emmie, July 29, 2014 in High School Writing Workshop
I don't have time for a thought out response but twice she misses an apostrophe to show possession -
Lisaâ€™s recovery seems nothing short of miraculous, considering her diagnosis as a sociopath. She disproved the notion that the â€œlost causesâ€ would always be lost, just as Georgina proved that being one of the most mentally stable in McLean Hospital did not mean that you would fit in to our culture's conventional molds once you got out.
On the other hand, one could wonder if Georginaâ€™s supposed healthiness in relation to the other patients led her doctors to push her in to the conventional mold of our culture's expectations rather than nurturing her differences, and if that led to a harder time in the real world and perhaps bred some true mental instability.
I'm no expert, especially on literary papers, but I'll add some comments based upon what I learned in my freshman classes last year.
1. She needs to sit down with her teacher and ask for more critique. If she's one of the better writers in the class, the teacher may assume she doesn't need as much feedback and may spend more time in guiding writers who struggle more. After I developed some rapport with my writing professor, he would add notes to my essays such as this was good, but I know you can do more here and here.
2. Right or wrong, we were told to eliminate rhetorical questions. I love a good rhetorical question, but the point was we're supposed to be answering the questions. So, restate the question as a statement and show your answer. Make your argument and defend it.
3. Some of her sentences seem too long and need to be tightened. There are a few grammatical errors.
4. I have no clue what the standard in literary essays are, but we were taught to limit our direct quotations, learning to paraphase correctly.
5. Read each essay aloud and with pen in hand. That's when you'll find the awkward sentence or lack of flow.
Probably the biggest thing I would suggest is sitting down with the teacher. I ended up having a great experience with my English professor because he knew he could take his critique to a different level with me than other students who were still learning how to master the basics.
THank you both for your responses! I passed them on to DD, and I do appreciate it! :-)
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