Pajama Mama Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I posted last week about my neighbor who told me 2 weeks beforehand that she was kicking out her husband of 6 wks. I didn't agree with how she handled things but it was her business-except when she included me and about 12 other people. Anyway... This neighbor is the mom to my kids' best friends. My dd and her dd are best friends, my ds and her ds are best friends. Her kids spend more time at my house than at their own. So I care about them of course. I am having such a hard time keeping my mouth shut about what their mom is doing. So, she kicked her new hubby out on Friday last week. Her ex-husband moved in the same night. Yuck. This is the same man that I've heard nothing but bad things about for four years. He has been a dead beat dad most of these four years. My neighbor has told me on more than one occasion that this man hit her when they were married-more than once. The kids have told me that they hardly ever saw their dad and when he did have them for the weekend that he never did anything with them. So, now they "do things as a family"-since Friday. He's moving his stuff in, they walk the dogs together and hold hands. I am honestly not a prude about relationships. If people get divorced or break up-it happens. It's life. But to move one person out and another in on the same day. I just find that disturbing. She thinks that she's giving the kids more stability by getting back together with their dad. To me, she's showing her kids that she can change husbands like some folks change a roll of toliet paper. Please help me to keep my mouth shut. She is wise enough to not ask my opinion about this. She told me all about the break-up but has not approached this subject at all. I am trying to avoid her as much as possible. Hopefully, I can avoid it. But I am dying to yell at her which is not like me. Her kids have been on a rollercoaster with her relationships. Her son doesn't trust that things are fine. Her daughter wants a daddy in her life so badly. If (and probably when) the parents break-up again, I fear that her kids will have their hearts broken in a more permanent way. She's just p*ssing me off that she's obviously not thinking about what's best for her kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 It's so hard to watch something like this and know details you'd rather not know. But, please keep your mouth shut at all costs. Keep being a safe place their kids can play and visit. Keep passing the bean dip, so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I don't know what to tell you other than it p*sses me off too! I came from a home with a single mom/dead-beat dad and I know first-hand how badly a daughter needs her daddy to be there for her.consistently. I'm so sorry for those kids! I'll be praying for the whole situation and that if you are faced with speaking to her about it, you will have just the right words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pajama Mama Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Amy-you are absolutely right. I would serve the kids better by letting them come here. Their mom wouldn't change what she's doing if I spoke up. But then they probably wouldn't be allowed to come over here. Carli-You are absolutely correct. They need consistency. I'm hoping that I can avoid saying anything because it wouldn't matter. If she specifically asks I hope to just say that I don't agree with her choices and would rather not discuss it with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 That's an icky situation but no, you can't say anything about it because this doesn't sound like the kind of person who will actually listen. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraL Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I completely agree with the earlier posts. Channel all your angry energy into providing a stable environment for those two children to at least visit--and invite them over more and more. Bless you for wanting to do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 ohhh that makes my blood boil. Like you I would be waiting to tell her off. Those poor children, that must be so confusing for them. And what a way to teach them how to be in a stable relationship. I couldn't imagine moving someone into my home the day I separated from my husband. It took me years to get my sh** together enough to even date after our split. And now after 7 years of my ex being mostly a deadbeat I couldn't imagine wanting him to live here again. It sounds like tha mom has some serious issues with relationships and clearly figures it is better to have someone with her than have to stand on her own 2 feet. That said I wouldn't say anything to her unless she brought it up, and in that case I would simply say I am not comfortable discussing that topic with her, (then I would go in the other room and scream a list of obsenities into a pillow but that's besides the point). I would continue to provide a safe haven for those kids, listen to them if they need to talk, have you and you dh show them through your actions what a stable loving relationship looks like so as they get older they have some idea of what to strive for. Yes a girl needs her daddy, I know my dd pines for one, but that doesn't mean you keep switching husbands, or bring other men into their lives just so she can have one. Better to have no daddy than a deat beat, or abusive one imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 If she specifically asks I hope to just say that I don't agree with her choices and would rather not discuss it with her. She has made her choice. There is nothing you can do by speaking to her about the fact that you disagree, except for possibly alienating her. "I hope things go well for you in your current arrangement" is about the best thing you can say. Now, if in the future you find that the kids are being abused or witnessing abuse, you may have to take action. For this moment, however, the above statement covers a lot of bases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pajama Mama Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Thanks for letting me vent last night. I'm not what you would call a gossip so I haven't really discussed things with people. I've had several people ask me about what is going on and I've just said that I prefer not to talk about it. But it was bothering me so I think typing it out was theraputic. Thanks. The day before she kicked her husband out, I took her 2 kids and my 2 kids to a waterpark for the entire day. I did it on purpose to give them a fun day before the Jerry Springer bus rolled up to their house. I'll just keep trying to give them a stable place to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Passing you some tape for your mouth. Yup, stay out of that one! Jenny Flint has a very nice quote for you to use. It is supportive without giving approval and doesn't alienate in any way. The best you can do is to be there for the kids. You would be surprised what the influence of a neighbor can do in a child's life. Leading by example, not by words often works best in life choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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