Do you treat teenagers in a paid role differently than adults? AKA I am not a dance mom.

[beaners]

We're having trouble with one of our dance teachers.  I think she's in high school.  Both of my daughters attend the classes. My younger daughter is 4 and difficult on occasion, moreso when she is nervous. She's also wonderful.  She is in two classes.  She does fine in her Highland class with the adult teacher.  The other class, which they need to be taking to do Highland, isn't going so well.  The girl doesn't like my daughter.  I get it, really.  There are other kids that are more difficult, but my own isn't the easiest either.  The girl doesn't seem to enjoy teaching the class, doesn't smile once the whole time, isn't great with kids, whatever.  Not everything is perfect, and my kids don't generally notice because they're too excited that they're wearing pretty shoes and tights and outfits.  

 

Last month my daughter had a class that didn't go well, and cried to me in the car that she was scared to do the right thing because she'd done the wrong thing before that and froze.  This is my kid that told me this week that she needed to give her sister the rest of her pizza so she didn't starve to death and die.  :huh:  We've seen a developmental pediatrician who pointed us toward anxiety, which honestly fits the situation.  So I approached the girl doing the teaching, saying that I know my daughter can be difficult and we're working on it, but here is a basic outline of what is going on and she's not doing it to be difficult. The emphasis was on my daughter and me working to improve how she acted in class.

 

Now last week, I overhear the same young teacher talking to her aunt (who also has kids at the studio and whose daughter helps with the same class and doesn't act nasty) using the same dialogue from our conversation, word for word.  Except she interjects afterwards that she's just a brat and that's why she doesn't do what she's supposed to with the rest of the class.  I tamed my mamabear and didn't bust out in the middle of the waiting room. ;)  I did call the teacher's mother over on her way out.  I don't know if I should have.  I told her that I had overheard her daughter. I said that maybe she wasn't talking about the same thing, but I knew that she was having trouble with my daughter, and should I switch my daughter to a different class? (The adult teacher has a class on a different day that would be more complicated but not impossible to switch to.)  Later the girl that teaches came in and said she was really talking about a girl that called the police on her at school.  :confused1: And that she was trying to be more patient with all the kids.

 

Okay, so I feel like I did the wrong thing by talking to the mom who is also a dance teacher at the studio. I had talked to the teacher once before, and I didn't see how I could bring this up with her in a (sane) reasonable manner when I was hearing my own words thrown about. But, if it was an adult, I wouldn't have gone to their mom instead, you know? I don't believe her cover story, because it makes no sense. I don't want to clear every obstacle in my children's path, but at the same time, I don't want to pay a lot of money for my very young child to spend time with someone who would mock her in front of her parent.

 

Why does a stupid dance class for little kids have to be so hard? I'd quit the whole thing if we didn't want to continue the Highland classes that the young teacher isn't involved in.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wouldn't even consider talking to a paid employee's mother, no matter what their age or employment situation.  I would talk to the employee's supervisor - after first addressing the employee to see if it could be resolved that way.  

[beaners]

I wouldn't even consider talking to a paid employee's mother, no matter what their age or employment situation.  I would talk to the employee's supervisor - after first addressing the employee to see if it could be resolved that way.  

 

See, that's what I would have said myself in every situation I had ever come across until now.  I met the mother first, I've talked to the mother more, the mother is a teacher at the studio, the mother is there during and after the class, and I didn't want the daughter to feel like I was attacking her as much as questioning if this was a good fit for any of us. But the daughter's response did not set me at ease, and it is impossible to talk to a supervisor during any of the classes my children attend. The mother is the senior teacher there, and the most superior member of staff I come in contact with.

[Catwoman]

Why haven't you approached the studio owner with your concerns?

 

Given that the young teacher's supervisor is her own mom, I don't see any other alternative.

[beaners]

Approaching the owner is probably my third step, the second being to ask the other adult teacher if she has room in her other class for my girls.  I'll have to talk with the owner over the phone though, because the shop is only open during the day during the week, and we travel 40 minutes because it's the only studio with Highland dance.

 

Approaching the owner is actually part of the reason I'd rather go through the mother I think.  I know that going to the owner with this might cause trouble for the girl teaching, and she's young.  I don't want to make trouble for her.  It's sounds silly to say that now, considering the venom I heard from her.

[Unicorn.]

I would have talked to the teenager's boss, whomever that was.  Now that you know she lied to you about talking about your daughter, I would ask the other teacher to move classes, and I wouldn't hesitate to let the owner know what has been going on.  And don't be so nice, and don't put the blame on your dd.

 

conversation should be something like "My daughter has anxiety issues and has seen a doctor about it.  When I told her teenage teacher, in an effort to help her better understand why dd doesn't do things sometimes, I caught the teen mocking my daughter later to another adult.  Her sharing of confidential information about my daughter, and mocking the situation,   are both completely unacceptable, and I would hope that you have a talk w/ her so that it doesn't happen again.  I don't care if she is a teenager, If she is going to teach, then she needs to act more like a professional." 

[Catwoman]

Approaching the owner is actually part of the reason I'd rather go through the mother I think. I know that going to the owner with this might cause trouble for the girl teaching, and she's young. I don't want to make trouble for her. It's sounds silly to say that now, considering the venom I heard from her.

Actually, it does sound incredibly silly to say that.

 

This young woman was entirely unprofessional, and she has not treated your dd well. Why would you NOT want to make trouble for her? :confused:

 

Defend your dd. Stop worrying about the teacher's feelings. She's not a "girl." She is a paid employee of the dance studio and she is not doing her job properly. If she's going to have an adult's job, she needs to be treated as an adult, and more importantly, she needs to start acting like one.

 

In your shoes, I would have been so livid at the young woman that I would have confronted her immediately, and would have reported her to the studio owner as soon as humanly possible. I see absolutely no benefit in speaking with her mother about any of this.

[Santi]

If it was an adult treating your dd badly you wouldn't hesitate before going to the owner. High schoolers are mature enough that they shouldn't be rude to little kids, especially if they're paid.

[Catwoman]

If it was an adult treating your dd badly you wouldn't hesitate before going to the owner. High schoolers are mature enough that they shouldn't be rude to little kids, especially if they're paid.

:iagree:

 

And if the girl is not mature enough to handle the job, or if she's simply not good with kids, she shouldn't have the job.

[beaners]

See, that's the mama bear I was holding back.

 

[Catwoman]

See, that's the mama bear I was holding back.

I guess I'm just not sure why you held back your mama bear.

 

I'm not saying you should have yelled, screamed, caused a huge scene, or demanded that the young woman be fired, but I think you should certainly tell the studio owner exactly what transpired.