Music lesson anxiety or The Reluctant Cellist

[garddwr]

Jumping Spider (ds 8) started cello lessons about a year and a half ago. He is very musical by nature, likes to play the cello, and has made good progress overall. But we have struggled all along with one major issue: he won't play at his lessons! Almost every week his lessons have gone something like this:

 

teacher: Hi Jumping Spider, lets hear how your practice went this week. Why don't you play (...song) for me?

 

Jumping Spider: (sits with a scowl on his face and doesn't play)

 

 

teacher cajoles, directs, encourages, etc. for 20 minutes. Jumping Spider continues to scowl. Finally the last few minutes of a lesson he starts playing, and once he starts everything is fine--his mood changes and he is cheerful and the music is beautiful.

 

Teacher and I are both flummoxed by this. Jumping Spider has no trouble practicing at home--oh, he sometimes complains, but mostly he practices cheerfully and energetically. And he remembers instructions from his teacher and tries to follow them. Thing is, if you look past the scowl when he is sitting at his lesson and not playing, you can tell he is holding back tears. Teacher and I think this is an anxiety issue, he feels under pressure at lessons (no matter how lighthearted and fun teacher tries to make them) and is afraid of making mistakes etc. This is actually our second teacher, I switched not because I thought the first wasn't doing a good job but simply in the hope that Jumping Spider might connect better with someone else. But the some problem is cropping up.

 

Does this look familiar to anyone? Have you dealt with lesson anxiety yourself or in a child? We're spending a lot of money and time on lessons, and he would get so much more out of them if he would just play music right from the start!

[AK_Mom4]

When DD started piano lessons, her teacher always spent the first few minutes doing stretches with her - touching toes, wiggling fingers, shrugging shoulders.  This always seemed to help DD get comfortable at the beginning and take off some pressure.

 

Since the first 20 minutes are wasted anyway right now, do you think your teacher would be willing to try something like that?  Physical movement can really help breaking the ice.

[garddwr]

When DD started piano lessons, her teacher always spent the first few minutes doing stretches with her - touching toes, wiggling fingers, shrugging shoulders.  This always seemed to help DD get comfortable at the beginning and take off some pressure.

 

Since the first 20 minutes are wasted anyway right now, do you think your teacher would be willing to try something like that?  Physical movement can really help breaking the ice.

 

Thanks AK_Mom4, I can suggest this--not sure it will fit this teacher's style (she is an older lady and more on the serious side, though the last teacher would absolutely have gone for this).

 

One thought I had this morning is maybe I can bring a cello as well and if Jumping Spider won't play she can teach me. We have a 3/4 size cello that I sometimes play along with him with when he is practicing. I play violin and viola but cello is new to me. Maybe if we approached the lessons as her teaching both of us he would relax more.

[Tracy]

Could you give him more control over what he does at lessons?  Maybe give him a list of things to pick from, including perhaps the physical movement previously mentioned?  

 

Our piano teacher pretty much lets my kids do what they want.  They eventually get around to doing everything she wants.  Both my kids struggle with anxiety issues, and having control over the lesson is tremendously helpful to them.  

[morgan]

Did you have more success with the previous teacher? Maybe your child would be more comfortable or have more fun with someone else. My dd6 is high anxiety and if she had a too-serious cello instructor it would be more than she could deal with, for fear that she would disappoint or not play well enough. I guess I would try to have a heart-to-heart with your kid and try to figure out what is going on. Do they not want to play cello? Dislike the teacher? Fear of mistakes? Have trouble hearing negative feedback? Etc. I would think at 8 they could understand that it's a waste of your time and money to have lessons go this way.

 

Personally, I pay a fortune for cello lessons and I couldn't allow 20 minutes to go wasted every week. I do require my kids to take music lessons, but we have allowed a change in instruments or a change in instructors, although my kids have never had issues at lesson, just at home with practicing. Sometimes if it is someone they want to study with or an instrument they really want to lean they will cooperate a lot more. 

 

I think the suggestion of having more control over the lesson is interesting and I would discuss that privately with the instructor. Perhaps something as simple as choosing the pieces or having more say in the order of lesson topics would help enough to solve the problem.

 

 

Good luck!

[morgan]

Did you have more success with the previous teacher? Maybe your child would be more comfortable or have more fun with someone else. My dd6 is high anxiety and if she had a too-serious cello instructor it would be more than she could deal with, for fear that she would disappoint or not play well enough. I guess I would try to have a heart-to-heart with your kid and try to figure out what is going on. Do they not want to play cello? Dislike the teacher? Fear of mistakes? Have trouble hearing negative feedback? Etc. I would think at 8 they could understand that it's a waste of your time and money to have lessons go this way.

 

Personally, I pay a fortune for cello lessons and I couldn't allow 20 minutes to go wasted every week. I do require my kids to take music lessons, but we have allowed a change in instruments or a change in instructors, although my kids have never had issues at lesson, just at home with practicing. Sometimes if it is someone they want to study with or an instrument they really want to lean they will cooperate a lot more. 

 

I think the suggestion of having more control over the lesson is interesting and I would discuss that privately with the instructor. Perhaps something as simple as choosing the pieces or having more say in the order of lesson topics would help enough to solve the problem.

 

 

Good luck!