If you knew someone who was feeling like they just didn't matter...

[albeto]

I think Maus' post (#49) offers good insight. Here's my expounding of that, in answering your question:

 

Sure, there are those who will prefer or choose to stay depressed. It might be all they’re familiar with due to dysfunctional relationships; it might be worth the creative outputs the depression inspires; it might even be something they feel they deserve as some sort of self-penance for any number of wrongs committed, real or perceived. I don't think those make up the majority, nor were they who I was speaking of, but sure - they exist. And they, they'll stay in a depressed state because they‘ve determined that the trade-off is worth it. This determination may be made by choice or by circumstance, by force or submission, in lucidity or fog; but that’s neither here nor there. It’s no less painful an experience, but it does change the framework from which they view it. Their depression becomes too big a part of their identity, and it begins to consume them.

 

Liken it to the swimmer in a riptide who comes to that point where survival skills and desire can no longer save him from the pull of his increasingly dead weight. Watching from the shore we see him struggling, and then appear to just give up. How can they just give up? we wonder, failing to recognize that there is always a point of no return – regardless of how we got there, regardless of how much we want to survive, regardless of how strong we (think we) are, and regardless of how supportive the people at the shoreline are. The depressed may not appear to want help, but appearances are deceiving – not just to us, but even to them. What may appear to be giving up may really be someone drowning under the deadening weight of their depression.

 

So yes, it’s a matter of them not wanting help – but no, it’s not as simple as that statement implies.

 

In your opinion, do you think that people who don't find relief from depression, don't sincerely want to find relief (ie, don't look, or don't try hard enough)?

[Maus]

In your opinion, do you think that people who don't find relief from depression, don't sincerely want to find relief (ie, don't look, or don't try hard enough)?

If I can weigh in, though I don't think that was addressed specifically to me.... No, I don't think it's a matter of not wanting it. This is something I've been thinking a lot about, and discussing with a dear friend, because of the juxtaposition between DH and his niece.

 

Somehow DH got lucky. Somewhere in his life, he experienced the possibility of change, and, with help and support (and the right combination of meds), he was able, finally, to tap into that and is now recovering. This did not come from his family of origin.

 

They, DH's family, do not believe people can change. They are really, really stuck in their thinking. I really want to explain that, and have rewritten this several times already, but I can't find a way to do that without being bitter or snarky. Let's just say, the niece can't change because she has been taught repeatedly, though unintentionally, that she can't change.

 

Not one of them were among those able to make connections with DH when he needed it.

[kbutton]

Lots of landmines since every person recovers differently...speaking to the isolation part... Once someone is on the way to recovery, if they are truly isolated (or were before someone intervened), I think addressing that issue in a practical and meaningful way is really important to staying healthy.

[Joules]

Someone who has suffered from depression, and has been suicidal, shared this with me.

 

http://hyperboleanda...n-part-two.html

 

 

Absolutely the best description that I have ever seen.