My daughter has already quite strongly decided she will never marry.

[mamawaabangi]

I think it is fairly natural for some people to not desire marriage. Especially when there is no one in their life that gives them that desire. And really, what better way is there? If she is content being single then that is a good thing. But if she meets someone that changes her mind, how wonderful!

 

I sort of disagree that we need to push our kids to be independent and strong (girls or boys)... I would much rather push my kids to be well-rounded and interdependent. I believe people (boys or girls) are not made to be "independent/strong", as in, "on their own". We all need community. But, that doesn't mean all people ought or should or are made to be married... nor are married folks less independent or less strong because they are simply married... But that might be a whole separate rabbit trail.

 

But, encouraging her to find her community and to keep an open mind are probably all you can do as a mom. Hugs.

[BlueTaelon]

Some people just know marriage is not for them. I've known since I was a very young child marriage was not for me. My dream had the house and kids but never was there a spouse in the picture. I'm 37 now and that picture still hasn't changed. I just don't see the point of marriage and don't feel a need for it.

[PeacefulChaos]

You know, if she's super adamant about it, could it be because there are people around her (not family, maybe not even friends, per se, but just acquaintances or people she's coming across) who are asking when she wants to get married or acting as though that is a major must-do in life?

I ask because I got really adamant/militant about not wanting a daughter after TONS of people expressed disappointment 'for me' about having a second boy, or asking when I was pregnant with #3 if I decided to 'try one more time for a girl'. It pissed me off SO MUCH that I flipped the switch and swore up and down to people that I didn't even WANT a girl (and then had some emotions to get through when that ended up being the case! lol) ... I have a friend who did the exact same thing. I know, different situation, but sometimes repeated questions from others - sometimes even strangers - gets one defensive.

 

I think it's highly likely that she'll 'grow out of it' - NOT that she'll change her mind, but that she'll get past the adamant feelings about it. I also know a girl who did the same thing - even going to the lengths of insisting that all guys are horrid creatures (though she knew better) or that all marriages end in divorce anyway (again, she knew better - she is a Christian, very devout, and knows many good families that prove her wrong on these counts). Anyway, she said stupid stuff like that for awhile, we all ignored it, and she moved on. Being adamant about not WANTING to get married was just a part of her process (just be glad, I guess, that your daughter hasn't taken the silly route that this chick did! :p ) and now she seems at peace with the whole being single thing - withOUT thinking she needs to defend herself about it. ;)

 

I'd say as long as your daughter is at peace about it, she'll be open to something different if need be. :)

[LucyStoner]

I didn't believe marriage was for me until I met the man I married. I think a lot of young people feel the same way. Some will never marry. Most will eventually marry. I think it is potentially a far healthier/safer view than those who are fixated on the idea of marriage and are looking for someone with whom to live out that idea. All of my friends who have divorced so far were looking to get married and settle down for the sake of being married and settling down. That can lead to too much compromising/rationalizing away the potential match's faults and exaggerating feelings of connection and love.