DS won't study. How do I help him "get it"?

[Miss Mousie]

DS is 12, finishing up 6^th grade at public school. He is gifted and struggles with thinking “smart = no need to study†(despite my efforts to convince him otherwise).

 

This week’s grade reports show that he has completed all but one or two homework assignments, with As, but he failed a social studies test and got a D on a science test. Of course, he didn’t spend even a minute at home studying for either test. I have not yet seen the tests, so I don’t know if he skipped entire sections or wrote a one-sentence “essay†response or bombed a fill-in-the-blank section or what. I have seen no evidence of test anxiety, LDs, etc.

 

Sometime last October, when I got tired of hearing myself talk about it, I decided to wait for him to figure it out for himself, but it’s taking too long!

 

I also cannot ensure that he brings all materials home every day, because by the time DH can pick him up from after-care students are no longer allowed to go to their lockers for forgotten items.

 

What can I do?

[fairfarmhand]

My dh is like this. Annoyingly. He got through years of school without studying much. It is SO irritating. In fact, he bemoans his lack of self-discipline in this area.

 

My oldest is the same way. So SO irritating.

 

SO anyway, in your case since he's messing up on tests, I would do this. Okay son, since you messed up on these two tests, every day this next week, you will bring home your SS book and your science book. Then you will sit at the counter and study while mom is cooking supper for 30 minutes every night.

[Miss Mousie]

SO anyway, in your case since he's messing up on tests, I would do this. Okay son, since you messed up on these two tests, every day this next week, you will bring home your SS book and your science book. Then you will sit at the counter and study while mom is cooking supper for 30 minutes every night.

 

 

Thanks, fairfarmhand.

 

I had an idea. I will have him write in his assignment book for every day next week to bring the materials home. For any day he does not, I will fine him $1. For any day he does, I will have some short assignment in mind – outlining, note-taking, reviewing notes, oral quiz.

 

This does raise another problem, though: study skills. I tried to introduce outlining several months ago, but of course he insisted he already knew it, had already done it in class, and otherwise gave me nothing but attitude, so I gave up and went back to my “sink or swim on your own†position.

 

I was already planning to work on study skills over the summer (but with work and camps and lots of time at Grandma’s it will probably happen only once a week), and today I printed several "study skills" threads to read after he's in bed; I am hopeful that getting started now, in the last month of school, will have enough of a promising result to open his eyes a bit. But I’ll have to have the strength to carry on despite any bad attitude.

[Tress]

I recently read this book: Bright Minds, Poor Grades http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Minds-Poor-Grades-Underachieving/dp/0399527052/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367241799&sr=8-1&keywords=bright+minds+low+grades on how to motivate underachieving kids and I think it could be very helpful in your situation. Maybe you can get a copy through your library?

[T'smom]

Oh, please don't let him sink or swim on his own. I was a kid like this. (But my parents weren't paying that much attention). I didn't need to put forth any effort at all to have all As/Bs. I was taught that grades were what mattered, not learning the material. So I got the grade. Obviously, this has not had positive implications in my life.

 

I like some of the previous suggestions, some things I would do would be to teach him about his brain. Or have him read books about the process of learning. Tell him how our brains form neural pathways. Explain that you need to work your brain the same way you need to eork your muscles. Tell him that with each class he takes, he's building a foundation for future learning. Even if he has an A, but he hasn't learned the material, he'll be building his next level on a foundation that is missing support structures. As he builds higher and higher every year, if each level is not complete and strong, they can't support future levels (part of the problem with kids like this is that the future levels CAN still be built.....but eventually it will crumble). As pps suggested, I would either have him bring his books home every day or get a set to keep at home, but I would not say it was because he needed to do better on the test. He could just learn for the test and forget it the next day. (Ugh. I went for years only paying attention on the test review day.....YEARS!) I would make my own assignments-LOVE the idea of making him teach the subject matter to you or your dh- make sure the emphasis is actually on learning and NOT on a grade.

 

I said earlier that my parents weren't paying attention....that's not exactly true. They were paying attention, they were just paying attention to the wrong thing. The grade instead of the learning.

 

I know I'm kinda rambling, but I hope I made some sense. I tried to jot this quickly while helping my own son build his math foundation! This is a subject close to my heart.

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

 

 

 

This does raise another problem, though: study skills. I tried to introduce outlining several months ago, but of course he insisted he already knew it, had already done it in class, and otherwise gave me nothing but attitude, so I gave up and went back to my “sink or swim on your own†position.

 

I was already planning to work on study skills over the summer (but with work and camps and lots of time at Grandma’s it will probably happen only once a week), and today I printed several "study skills" threads to read after he's in bed; I am hopeful that getting started now, in the last month of school, will have enough of a promising result to open his eyes a bit. But I’ll have to have the strength to carry on despite any bad attitude.

 

 

Here's what you do. You discuss that day's lesson with him. You take the book and start with the bold print terms. "Son, explain ____ to me." Let him define to you all the bolded terms, then go over the chapter review questions or homework questions to you. You will have to model what it looks like to go back over the text and review the topics covered in class.

 

 

I totally understand the attitude. I get it too from my dd, because she is so bright that in middle school she seldom had to study much at all. But when high school hits, being able to sit down and review the material is crucial.

[Miss Mousie]

Thanks for all the ideas and support, everyone! We will forge ahead this evening... I will remind myself to go gently and push past any surliness.