thundersweet Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I don't even know where to start. I have homeschooled my children from the beginning. My dd11 is strong willed and can be difficult, she struggles with math but is overall fine academically. My 8yo 2nd grader is a super sweet natured kid. He is a bit behind where I think he should be but he is making progress. He has had a difficult time learning to read and struggles to memorize things like math facts. In the last couple of months, he has really come a long way. I think it's just a maturity issue. He's getting there and I'm not worried yet. My other child is almost 3. He is super intelligent as far as i am concerned: ) My brother was here to visit last week. While he was here, he came to the conclusion that my kids need to be in school. He begged me to put them in school. My daughter and I had some issues with her attitude about me taking away computer time. She was mouthy and not very nice. This is just my dd though. For the most part, she's a happy kid. She likes homeschooling but does need to get more involved with outside activities. I am fully aware of this and working towards finding things for her to do. My brother felt she was so upset about her computer time because she is lonely and depressed. Of course, he's seeing her act out towards us and he automatically assumes she is lonely and needs public school. My daughter is not depressed and I am terribly upset that he thinks my kids are unhappy. My kids are very happy to be homeschooled. I asked them yesterday if they felt like they wanted to go to school and they both said "no!" Of course things could be better around here, but for the most part, we are all happy to be here. My brother had a discussion with my mom about us. He thought my kids were unhappy. He stated he was worried about them and that kids need to be around a bunch of other kids their age. He was also concerned that my 11yo comes across as being 17. He sees her maturity in a bad way. He actually said "my heart bleads for them." I confided in him before all of this came out about my 8yo's struggles. Now he thinks my son is behind because he is homeschooled. As if he was in public school things would have magically been different. He had just finished telling me about how he helps out in his kids classrooms and that they have 3 different reading groups because the kids are all on different levels. This makes me so sad to hear. I am so upset that he sees us this way. I have been second guessing myself for the last 2 days. I am questioning myself if I am doing my kids a disservice. Am I ruining their lives because they don't have a bunch of friends? My daughter has 2 good friends. My ds doesn't have any real close relationships yet but he does have contact with kids in his once a week coop. He'll have more coop days in the fall. He plays with the boys next door, but he's content just the way things are. He's a real family kid and I see nothing wrong with that at 8yo. The schools in my area are very good. In fact, I moved here for the elementary school my kids would have attended. I am now wondering if they would do a better job, if my kids would be happier kids with tons of friends. I hate that I am feeling this way. Most days is a struggle to get started but once we get going things go pretty smoothly. Neither of my children like school, but they tolerate it. I have never had criticism from someone about our decision to homeschool. Coming from my own family, is such a blow. To hear that my brother has been worried for some time, really bothers me. Hearing of some of the stuff that goes on in schools brings me some peace. One of the homeschool moms I know just put her kid in school. Must be 4th grade I am guessing. Just the other day, some kid spread his fingers apart, wiggled his tongue, and asked him if he knew what it meant. I mean, this kind of stuff happens in elementary school. Just gross! I can only imagine whats going on in the middle school my daughter would be attending. It feels good to know I am protecting my kids from this, but I feel sad that maybe they are missing out on the good stuff. Thanks for listening. Oh, and to my cousin Terri on the boards, this is private so please don't mention it to anyone in the family. I don't want this getting back to him that it bothered me so much. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I have no idea if your kids would be better off academically or socially if they were in a traditional classroom. I have no idea if they are unhappy or depressed. These are things that only you can decide. Don't let your brother decide them for your family. HTH- Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Anyone who tells you that PS is the end all solution to a kid's problem after seeing them for a couple days... well, I don't know what to say to that... just think about it. I know even with DS9's occasional attitude, I would probably deal with it more if he went to school because he would be tired and worn out when he got home AND still have homework to do. I think being with family is best for many kids. Mine have a couple friends, but we don't even see them weekly and they are ok with that. They are each others friends. You know your kids best. If I listened to my MIL... well.... love her, but she has this "school" thing in her head, because that is what she did with her 6. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 NO ONE can make an assumption like that based on one visit. Its not your brothers business to decide where your kids would be better off. IMO I dont think ps can fix an attitude. You have to decide what is best for your kids and weigh all the factors. There are pros and cons to hs and ps. Your kids could go to ps and lose an attitude and also lose some morals (not saying this would happen, just saying it could.) I would write down the reasons you homeschool and see if they outweigh why you put them in ps. I would not base a decision on what one person has to say after one visit to my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Your brother noticed an issue and made a stupid assumption in the answer to the issue. Most people see any problem behavior of home schooled kids as being caused by home schooling. I'm sorry he have you lip about it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I know it feel like what he thinks matters, but it really doesn't. It's not his choice. His concerns don't count. Be firm. Set up boundaries. Don't try to explain or defend yourself. Less is more when talking to him and others. For now at least, just cut off all conversation about this with people you don't want to talk about it with. Answer every question with another question. To ask a question is an offensive move. To answer a question is a defensive move. Don't play defense. A good default question is "Why are you asking me this?" or "What makes you think you have the right to ask me this?" Follow up with, "Why won't you let this go?" and walk away if necessary. You are the one in control here. That is unless you give the control away. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundersweet Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 Thank you ladies. I guess I was just shocked to hear this. He has never once said anything about homeschooling. He has always been what I thought to be supportive. I am just surprised to learn how he feels. Maybe he is genuinely concerned about my daughter but he definitely doesn't need to be. My daughter and I has a good laugh about it today. I'm going to just try and ignore it and let him know its none of his business if he ever mentions if again, which I don't think he will. I just needed to get my feelings off my chest. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I used to freak out and get so defensive when others questioned me. I used to think I needed to do what people said, or be able to explain myself to THEIR satisfaction. It's taken a lot of trauma recovery books to understand my right to do what I want. I have the right to be "wrong" and do it anyway. I have the right to change my mind. I have the right not to explain myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 One thing for sure...don't make any major decisions while you are upset. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 oops! double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Meh, not his kids. He obviously thinks ps is better. That is where his kids are. My dd was in school till second grade and is now in 6th. She is pretty mouthy at times (hello, hormones) but she was not better while in school. It sounds to me like your brother has a philosophical difference of opinion and if your kids cross their eyes it will prove to him that homeschool is BAD. The evil part of me would want to call your mom and tell her that you are really really concerned about his kids because of articles, statistics, and the curriculum you have seen used in ps. (but only in my fantasies, lol). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sameera Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Take time to understand your child's needs & aptitude. Whatever can not be resolved at home, won't be solved at school. It took more than a generation to force institutionalised schooling, it will take more than a generation to decide whether home education was all worth it. 'Success is failure turned inside out'. Take examples from history of successfully home-schooled men & women. Don't let other's anxieties affect your beliefs, personal choices & decisions. Take one step at a time. Best Wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundersweet Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 Yes, my mom is definitely supportive and defended us. We have a unique situation in my home. My mom lives in a separate in law suite connected to our home. She is here and available all the time (retired). In fact, she helps me a lot with my 2 yo while I help the others. I am extremely grateful for her help. So while he was here visiting he took her aside to express his concerns. I'm just aggravated! It's none of his business and I'm surprised he would think its ok to tell me to send the kids to school. I feel much better today. He will probably never mention it again. He's coming back Wednesday with his wife and kids so we'll see. My kids are fine and I know in my heart things wouldn't be better in public school. In fact, I would be willing to bet things would be much worse. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Whatever can not be resolved at home, won't be solved at school. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 It's none of his business and I'm surprised he would think its ok to tell me to send the kids to school. He crossed some boundaries and was inappropriate. If he brings up the topic again, I would focus on HIS behavior and how surprised and disappointed you were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemsMom Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Please do not let this discourage you. Let me tell you about my two graduates. We moved to another state when DD22 was ready to begin middle school. She had lots of friends in our old neighborhood and only a few friends at our new home. She had time to socialize with other children her age but she wanted more. She begged me to let her go to school because she wanted more friends and for three years I wondered if I was doing her a disservice by not sending her. In high school she took a few classes at the local school and it only took a couple of weeks before she thanked me for not sending her to middle school. She discovered that most of the "friends" the other kids had were very superficial and many of the kids had no idea how to really be a good friend and get along in a group outside of the school setting. She had a great experience in high school, got all "A's" and was captain of the debate team her senior year and went to prom three times and had her photo all over the yearbook (in spite of never going to school full time). DS19 was a late bloomer. He had problems with his vision. He had eye surgery at six and really could not see well enough to learn to read until a few months after his surgery. I have a photo of him reading a kindergarten reader when he was almost nine years old. It took him until he was 11 to become really proficient at reading. He was homeschooled 1st-8th grade and, like his sister, went to the high school part time. He was captain of the debate team his senior year, went to prom two years, qualified for the regional swim meet all four years, got great grades, and even was asked once to video tape graduation at the high school because he was "reliable". I am not telling you all this to brag about my children. I am telling you this to encourage you that just because your children do not spend hours and hours with other children does not mean they are behind socially. Just because your son is a little behind where you would like him to be does not indicate the type of high school and college student he will be. Your brother got a snapshot of your life and he is attempting to analyze your entire homeschool experience from that one snapshot...........He needs to mind his own business and stop butting into yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundersweet Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 Please do not let this discourage you. Let me tell you about my two graduates. We moved to another state when DD22 was ready to begin middle school. She had lots of friends in our old neighborhood and only a few friends at our new home. She had time to socialize with other children her age but she wanted more. She begged me to let her go to school because she wanted more friends and for three years I wondered if I was doing her a disservice by not sending her. In high school she took a few classes at the local school and it only took a couple of weeks before she thanked me for not sending her to middle school. She discovered that most of the "friends" the other kids had were very superficial and many of the kids had no idea how to really be a good friend and get along in a group outside of the school setting. She had a great experience in high school, got all "A's" and was captain of the debate team her senior year and went to prom three times and had her photo all over the yearbook (in spite of never going to school full time). DS19 was a late bloomer. He had problems with his vision. He had eye surgery at six and really could not see well enough to learn to read until a few months after his surgery. I have a photo of him reading a kindergarten reader when he was almost nine years old. It took him until he was 11 to become really proficient at reading. He was homeschooled 1st-8th grade and, like his sister, went to the high school part time. He was captain of the debate team his senior year, went to prom two years, qualified for the regional swim meet all four years, got great grades, and even was asked once to video tape graduation at the high school because he was "reliable". I am not telling you all this to brag about my children. I am telling you this to encourage you that just because your children do not spend hours and hours with other children does not mean they are behind socially. Just because your son is a little behind where you would like him to be does not indicate the type of high school and college student he will be. Your brother got a snapshot of your life and he is attempting to analyze your entire homeschool experience from that one snapshot...........He needs to mind his own business and stop butting into yours. Thank you! I loved your story. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 NO ONE can make an assumption like that based on one visit. Its not your brothers business to decide where your kids would be better off. ... I would not base a decision on what one person has to say after one visit to my house. :iagree: This Your brother got a snapshot of your life and he is attempting to analyze your entire homeschool experience from that one snapshot...........He needs to mind his own business and stop butting into yours. :iagree: and This! I truly hope nobody judges my kids by their behavior and attitudes while we have company, or are visiting other relatives' homes. The kids are off-schedule, over-excited, over-tired and not themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Does your brother have children of his own, especially an eleven year old dd? If he isn't even a father I would totally blow off his opinions. He sounds very caring but uneducated about homeschooling. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I truly hope nobody judges my kids by their behavior and attitudes while we have company, or are visiting other relatives' homes. The kids are off-schedule, over-excited, over-tired and not themselves. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Can I hang a sign over my door this weekend that says this? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundersweet Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 Does your brother have children of his own, especially an eleven year old dd? If he isn't even a father I would totally blow off his opinions. He sounds very caring but uneducated about homeschooling. God Bless, Elise in NC Yes, he has 4 kids of his own. Two young ones thriving in public, and two adult children from his first marriage. He has had lots of issues over the years with his dd23. My mom reminded him of that too. He just doesn't remember what it's like to have a hormonal 11yo with an attitude to boot. I have decided to let it go. We are happy just the way we are and I really have no desire to send my kids to public school. His comments just threw me for a loop. We took the week off last week and I was already feeling guilty about that. I felt lazy. Getting back to school this morning felt good! Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I'm glad you're feeling better about this. Just remember, while we may value the opinion of friends and family members, we also have the right to completely ignore their opinions when it comes to our own kids. :) They don't get a vote. If it comes up again, tell him your kids are just fine, thank you, and change the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I will be praying for you but please remember in the end you know what is best for your kids. Eleven is a difficult age all of a suden my son has become mouthy and we are struggling with his behaviour. Lots of people around here question my decision to HS all the time but really as your kids mother you know what is best. Keep strong... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Glad you're feeling better. Your brother's opinion is not relevant when it comes to you making decisions for your family. About education or anything else, quite frankly. If he brings it up again, or his wife does, I would listen, smile sweetly and tell him you understand he disagrees but you feel you are making the best decision for your family. If he DARES to bring it up again (some people need to be clocked over the head to get the message), tell him that the topic of your family's educational choices is not one you will be discussing anymore. Nor do you wish to hear it being discussed by others. Set boundaries. Don't engage. He sounds like he has his own issues to deal with and may be projecting his concerns about his mess-ups with his older children onto you. Don't let him. Don't discuss or explain yourself. You do not owe him explanations about why you do what you do. Keep a healthy distance. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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