where do i start with DS?

[triadofchaos]

I'm feeling generally lost with DS these days. Instinctively, I suspect something is up with him and that "something" has a name. I just don't know really were to start in figuring out what it is. In general, labels make me very uncomfortable. But if I can better understand what's going on with him, maybe I can help both of us figure out where to go from here. I feel sort of silly posting a "please diagnose my kid" thread, but I'd really love some help on a starting point or a direction or ballpark to start researching & exploring, if that makes sense. Here are all the pieces the best I can explain them written down. He's my only boy and I'm struggling to gauge whether he's got something going on or whether my expectations and understanding of typical 7yo boy behavior is out of whack.

 

DS will be 7 in June, is strongly visual-spatial, and is very, very, very mathy. It's, I'd venture to say, the primary way he relates to the world. He thinks in math problems constantly. He's progressing pretty normally on level with language arts, but does still have one or two speech issues- w's for r's, that sort of thing. He use to have more, but we've eliminated most of them. He's pretty social and usually initiates conversations with both children and adults in a variety of social settings. He does competitive gymnastics and his coaches say his dedication and focus is admirable in the gym. He works hard there and excels consistently. He does struggle with negative emotion though. I've always taken the approach with all of my children that emotions are not to be repressed, but that the focus does need to be on healthy, constructive ways of processing them. But he has regular outbursts that he has a very hard time winding back down from. A couple of examples: 1) He goes over to the neighbors' house to see if they can play and they can't. He comes back in the door, tears streaming down his face, screaming about how unfair it is and throwing his shoes across the entryway in frustration. 2) He wakes up to find someone ate the last piece of leftover quiche he wanted for breakfast. Tears, screaming, possibly hitting or kicking the person who ate it. Also, he swings from being hyperfocused, like when he works in his math books or plays a video game to being impossible to focus like when I give him simple directions and he can't seem to retain or process them, much less do the task- like "please get your blanket off the couch and put it away in your room." I might have to repeat the directions four or five times before he retains that I've asked him to do something and does it. Getting him out the door is a huge challenge. He's always forgetting things he needs, etc. And he generally moves at a much slower pace than the rest of the family (something I am working on accommodating giving him more warning that we're transitioning to something else, planning for things to take longer with him) When he does his schoolwork, he often turns his paper sideways or upside down, but still writes so that the work is right side up when you turn the paper to check it. He does work standing in his chair sometimes and generally has a very hard time sitting still unless he's watching a kid tv show.

 

That's most of the pieces I'm trying to find patterns in right now that I can think of immediately. So, I'd welcome any suggestions as to where to go from here because I'm exhausting my patience with the fits, but also feel guilt that we don't seem to be figuring out the right way to help him either.

[Heathermomster]

Bump

[wapiti]

Could be any number of things. It may be that slow processing speed is a component (which goes with tons of different issues). If you feel you're at the end of your rope, I'd consider scheduling a neuropsych eval and/or an OT eval for sensory processing issues. Consider what your main goals are - helping him learn to deal with frustration and the like? (When you find out, let me know, LOL.) Finding a hidden LD? If you go the psych route, be sure to find a psych or neuropsych who specializes in twice-exceptional kids - this is very important (usually, a psych who specializes in testing gifted kids is also very experienced with 2e).

 

(He sounds a lot like my two ds10s put together, LOL. They have slow processing speed and a history of sensory issues but no official diagnoses at this point; dysgraphia, or disorder of written expression, may be a future diagnosis for them, but they have handwriting/fine motor issues in addition to slow processing speed)

 

Your having to repeating two-step directions could be any number of things, from attention to auditory processing to language processing. Try shorter chunks instead. (LOL, I run around screaming, "shoes! car!!" multiple times. Sometimes it's better when I only say one at a time, because ds has so much else going on in his head that he'd rather be thinking about)

[geodob]

You wrote that he is very, very mathy and thinks in math problems constantly.

But no doubt the math that he does, is a 'question to answer' process?

Where you could introduce him to math as an 'answer to question' process?

With a basic introduction to algebraic thinking.

The difference between 'question to answer' and 'answer to question'?

Is that with 'question to answer' it is precisely defined, with no uncertainty.

But with 'answer to question', the question can often be defined in a variety of ways, and still arrive at the same answer.

Where the variety of are variables.

Though a crucial factor with 'answer to question', is that we need to think back from the answer, to work it out?

Using what is termed as 'reversability thinking'.

So that we can use a combination of 'back and forward thinking', or sequential thinking.

 

Where sequential thinking enables us to recognise a process as whole,

We can then go to any point in the sequence, and know what comes next or before.

 

Which comes back to his difficulty with 'simple directions'.

Where he quite likely has no sense of the directions as a sequence?

Rather he probably has to rote memorise them, and recall them as a script?

 

So perhaps you could explore some 'answer to question' activities with him?

So that with the 'huge challenge of getting him out the door, and forgetting things he needs?'

The door could be defined as the answer , and what he needs to have when arrives at it?

So that he then thinks back from the door, and works out a sequence of activities, to gather what he needs.

[PeterPan]

Here in the States I'd suggest you start by a trip to the ped, because they have screening tools for various things (EF, spectrum, etc.). They could also check if he's low tone. From there you'd get referred out for a neuropsych eval and OT eval. He would probably benefit from a number of things, so it's more an issue of the Australian system and how you get that. There are other things that could explain the symptoms you're describing. For instance sometimes a dc who isn't sitting well actually has a retained primitive reflex causing him discomfort. So you don't want to just *assume*. I understand on not wanting labels. I have friends who say the same thing. However when you get the right WORDS for what's going on, then you have the power to DECIDE what to do. Right now you have no power and are just swept around by what's happening. Knowing whether it's adhd with anxiety, ODD, or spectrum or what helps you target your parenting approach. Sometimes counseling can help. And if you think the cause of xyz symptom is adhd but it's actually say a retained primitive reflex (which you'd find in a good OT eval), then you're missing something treatable. So don't assume, get evals.

 

Also get his eyes checked. If you can find a developmental optometrist, that would be ideal. COVD is where we find them in the States, no clue for Australia, sorry.