Introductory book about dating for 4th grader w/ Christian perspective

[Clpretzel]

So wherever she goes, boys seem to like my DD 10. She's not flirty and handles the attention well. I'm proud of her. We have had lots of talks. We aren't in favor of any relationships until much, much later. She has already turned several boys away.

 

Recently I have been thinking that I would love to have her read something to explain romantic love and dating/courtship from a Christian perspective. Is there anything out there that you would recommend for this YOUNG age?

[Clpretzel]

Or any advice in general if you have walked this path...

[Shmead]

"Christian perspective" is such a broad thing: I know people that consider "Christian perspective" to be "No dating of any kind until after 18, formal courting after that, but always highly supervised, first kiss at the altar" and I know others that would consider "Christian perspective" "No dating until 16, making out is ok but no sex until engaged, if you live together between engagement and wedding you have to keep it a secret from grandma and you can't share a bed when visiting the parents".

 

I would actually suggest that the first step is getting it clear in your own mind what you consider acceptable and unacceptable, and why. I think a lot of parents are vague on this themselves.

[hollyh]

I have no advice. I have seen this book recommended on here, but haven't read it myself and don't know what I think of it from the reviews. However, you can check it out and see if it might be something of interest to you.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Princess-Kiss-Story-Purity/dp/0871628686/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pdT1_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=IT8QW9YERJG2&coliid=I30CX6OXH29LPE

[myfunnybunch]

I wouldn't get a book about dating for a 4th grader. My girls, at 10, would have been overwhelmed by exploring the idea of dating. Conversation about your family values and how to handle attention from boys should be plenty right now, especially since she's handling things fairly smoothly right now anyway.

 

And yikes, turned several boys away from what? I'd be concerned about who she's hanging out with if boys are doing more than talking to her and wanting to be her friend. I can't imagine those kinds of interactions among the preteens that we know. I must live in a bubble (and I like it here!).

 

Cat

[*Michelle*]

How old are these boys and how old do they think your daughter is?

[tshirtyogapantmama]

I agree with Shmead...you stated no dating/boys until much later but what is much later? As a family, you need to figure what is OK and what is acceptable and decide if it's something per child, per situation or will you have set "family" rules...Like others, I don't really have any books, at your daughter's age my daughter read the American Girl Body book just as a guide to what's coming up with her body and to prepare her for changes (even though she is a late bloomer) she was prepared for what other girls may be going through.

[Clpretzel]

I agree with Shmead...you stated no dating/boys until much later but what is much later? As a family, you need to figure what is OK and what is acceptable and decide if it's something per child, per situation or will you have set "family" rules...Like others, I don't really have any books, at your daughter's age my daughter read the American Girl Body book just as a guide to what's coming up with her body and to prepare her for changes (even though she is a late bloomer) she was prepared for what other girls may be going through.

 

 

I don't believe in dating until you are close to an age that you "could" get married. The boys know her age and are the same age. She is NOT boy crazy in the slightest, but is around boys who have not had training. This always happens in some type of class setting. I passed it off as a fluke the first two times, but now realize I should address it a bit more wholisticly.

 

Meanwhile my husband wrote a letter to the boy who was professing his interest regularly. It read something like this: "Dear, Cohen, DD is not allowed to "like" girls until she is much older. If you have any questions, feel free to call me. DH"

[Shmead]

I don't believe in dating until you are close to an age that you "could" get married. The boys know her age and are the same age. She is NOT boy crazy in the slightest, but is around boys who have not had training. This always happens in some type of class setting. I passed it off as a fluke the first two times, but now realize I should address it a bit more wholisticly.

 

Is "could get married" 16, 18, 22, 26, 30? I am not being snarky: I've known people that really pushed "no involvement with the opposite sex until after grad school.", and others families where marriage was something that normally happened between 18-20. It's really culturally determined, and there's no right or wrong.

 

What do you mean by "dating"? No kids I ever knew did dinner-and-a-movie. They "go out", which can mean anything from passing one "will you go out with me check yes or no" note and never actually talking (in the younger grades) to living together in your 20s. So you know you don't want her doing dinner-and-a-movies. Are you ok with mixed-sex groups of kids doing social things, like going to the movies, together starting (or stopping!) at some age? Would you like her to avoid forming close friendships with boys (because those certainly lead to romantic feelings)? Are you ok with it if, at some age, she "goes out" with a boy in the kid-sense as long as she's never alone with him, or is it important that she not reveal/indulge/develop any of the crush feelings that will develop? Would you prefer that she socializes entirely with girls until a certain age, or after a certain age? Are you ok with a kind of casual "going out", but really hope she avoids any deep emotional entanglements until some age?

 

I would talk to parents of teens at your church, if you have one. So many people answer these questions in so many different ways that it might be useful for you to talk to some people with a similar overall family philosophy. They will be able to point out some of the dilemmas you have coming, and suggest how they resolved them, or wish they had resolved them. Now is very much the time to talk to her about these things, before it becomes an argument about a specific boy.

[Clpretzel]

 

 

Is "could get married" 16, 18, 22, 26, 30? I am not being snarky: I've known people that really pushed "no involvement with the opposite sex until after grad school.", and others families where marriage was something that normally happened between 18-20. It's really culturally determined, and there's no right or wrong.

 

What do you mean by "dating"? No kids I ever knew did dinner-and-a-movie. They "go out", which can mean anything from passing one "will you go out with me check yes or no" note and never actually talking (in the younger grades) to living together in your 20s. So you know you don't want her doing dinner-and-a-movies. Are you ok with mixed-sex groups of kids doing social things, like going to the movies, together starting (or stopping!) at some age? Would you like her to avoid forming close friendships with boys (because those certainly lead to romantic feelings)? Are you ok with it if, at some age, she "goes out" with a boy in the kid-sense as long as she's never alone with him, or is it important that she not reveal/indulge/develop any of the crush feelings that will develop? Would you prefer that she socializes entirely with girls until a certain age, or after a certain age? Are you ok with a kind of casual "going out", but really hope she avoids any deep emotional entanglements until some age?

 

I would talk to parents of teens at your church, if you have one. So many people answer these questions in so many different ways that it might be useful for you to talk to some people with a similar overall family philosophy. They will be able to point out some of the dilemmas you have coming, and suggest how they resolved them, or wish they had resolved them. Now is very much the time to talk to her about these things, before it becomes an argument about a specific boy.

 

 

I haven't given a lot of thought to the specifics of how dd will/won't interact with the opposite sex down the road; I just know that the next few years are not IMHO a good time to be engaging in romantic (even innocently romantic relationships.) And I think she understands that intuitively.

 

What I want now is to give her a vision for how to view romantic relationships. I want to put words to the intuition in an understandable and compelling, but not forceful, fashion. She has some great friends who are boys at church and with cousins; it's in other extra curriculars that this comes up.