Rosepetal Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Hello, My ds 10yo got his writing assignment in his McgrawHill LA,to write about how you meet your new friend..... It was my first day at new school.I was very flustered because I didn't know anyone there.I was ambling slowly to my classroom then suddenly,a bashful girl came up to me.She interrogated ,Are you new to the school?"I nodded and felt shy.She beamed and added ,My name is Lisa".I flashed a big grin and remarked ,I am Jill". Since that day,we always darted to the library,munched on cracking snacks and froliced on the soft and green grass of playground. We were like two peas in a pod.I was pleased that I had a sincere and devoted friend. Kindly evaluate his writing and how to improve it........ Thanks for reading..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosepetal Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 Anyone please have a look! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I think he did a good job for fourth grade. There is such a range at that age. He has made an effort to chose strong nouns and adjectives. Even though it, at times, seems "overdone" I would not address that at all. It will sort itself out. I would have him read it out loud to you to see if he catches the run on sentence and the verb problem (darted instead of have darted). Then I would target grammar lessons at punctuating dialogue. It's nice he has such a good friend. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I think he did a good job. Frolicked is spelled incorrectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 why did he write as a girl? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenjenn Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 I like the word use. As others said, overdone, but he'll figure that out on his own, or through critique that will he'll be ready for in a couple years. For example, the use of "interrogated" is an eye-rolling choice in that context, but he's in 4th grade. I wouldn't say anything to discourage a 4th grader from experimenting with diverse vocabulary. Right now, I'd focus more on using line breaks and spaces, especially as spaces relate to punctuation. (Did he type this, or did you type it in a way that emulates his choice of spaces and line breaks on paper?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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