The truly shameful secret I've been keeping from all of you (long)...

[Liberty]

Have we done permanent damage to our children by never making up our minds about their educational fate? Here has been my oldest ds' educational journey. In parenthesis are the reasons we had for making whatever switch we did that year.

 

K- charter school #1

1- 1 month homeschool / 8 months- charter school #1 (too difficult to homeschool-butted heads constantly)

2- charter school #1 (school starts getting influx of very badly behaved kids/influences)

3- ½ year- public school / ½ year- homeschool (public school terrible environment- bullying, etc…)

4- 8 months- homeschool / 1 month- charter school #1 (reached breaking point with attitude- hear reports that charter school has changed under new leadership)

5- 6 months- charter school #1 / 6 months- charter school #2 (finances force me to take a job 1 hr away- switch kids to school closer to work; charter school #1 had started to go down hill anyway; new charter school is best school in the entire state)

6- 1 month- homeschool / 7 months- charter school #2 / 1 month – public school (lose job in summer; get job from home; start to homeschool in fall but bad attitudes prevail, put back in very good charter school but unable to keep up with gas prices so switch to public)

7- public school

 

Despite all the switches, my ds is extremely intelligent (though a tad on the careless side--I've mentioned that here before and was told that this is typical for a 13yo). He got good grades last year (all A's and B's) and got along very well with all of his teachers. He is very mature, participated in several sports and loves school. The one big drawback last year was the friend/popular culture/attitude saturation level we are enduring (almost intolerable, but not enough to switch schools).

 

Now, he is going into 8th and we've learned that our public school high school (there is only one within 30 miles) has gotten so bad that only 27% of the 11th graders meet state standards for performance in math, and the school is at the 2nd step toward state government take-over due to dismal performance overall. Also, my ds' middle school had so many budget cuts this summer that the one good 8th grade math teacher was eliminated (leaving the one with more seniority who cannot teach--this is not my opinion; this is from other teachers in the school saying this).

 

Here are the two biggest goals for our kids:

1- Relationship with Jesus Christ

2- Prepared for College (ds needs good math skills to pursue the careers he has talked about)

 

Neither of the above goals will be met by our local public school, but, certainly, I couldn't change him again. At some point, we must resign ourselves to fate (right?). I don't even want to entertain all of the various choices there are, because, to be honest, I don't want to even go down the road that might lead to a switch. (ie. private Christian school 30 miles away or back to charter school #2 with me getting a job in that city to justify the drive, etc...)

 

I guess I'm just venting to let you all know my truly shameful secret (and ongoing agony). Please do not despise me.

[bkpan]

But I do think that you need to steer your son (and your other dc) down a more stable path. Your convictions are important, now it is important not to let your emotions sway them. What I mean, is that, if you kept putting your ds back in school for "attitude" problems, then the problems are with your attitude, not his. (I say this kindly, not to attack you).

 

When I am so angry with dc that I want to throw in the towel, I try to step back and analyze what I'm feeling. Usually it is a combination of frustration and self-pity. And I have been there many, many, TOO many times. On the occasions that I am able to step back with little emotion, try to understand my dc's behavior, and apply appropriate consequences (WITHOUT ANGER), we can usually move forward.

 

You are still the parent. You control everything in your 13yo son's life. Every freedom he has. So, school is a non-negotiable. It is completed, completed well, or there is no X. X is a privilege we enjoy because we take care of our responsibilities well.

 

I only bring this up because you make the viable public school sound really awful, while making your ds sound as if he is very susceptible to peer pressure. That sounds like a very dangerous combination to me. I would never let my dc go because of "fate", but only because it is the best situation that dh and I can manage to provide for him. So, if there was a potentially positive public or private school option, it would certainly be on the table.

 

Anyway, don't beat yourself up. I do not think that you have ruined any of your dc. BUT, I do think that you, as the parent, need to decide what is best for your dc and family, and then MAKE it happen. HTH

 

Kim

[JFSinIL]

Are there any Honors or AP classes your son could take for math, English, science - the core stuff? That is how we are "working" public high school for our kids.

[Riverfront Headmistress]

I would look into out sourcing as many classes as possible: co-ops, community college, classical conversations?

[Liberty]

Are there any Honors or AP classes your son could take for math, English, science - the core stuff? That is how we are "working" public high school for our kids.

 

Unfortunately, no. Right now they are concentrated too heavily on avoiding a takeover and that is where all their resources will be heading. They don't even have a gifted and talented program at this school. Sorry to keep complaining. I'm sure there are good things to say about this school, but they're just not coming to mind right now.

[Liberty]

I would look into out sourcing as many classes as possible: co-ops, community college, classical conversations?

 

Do mean in place of public school or as a supplement?

 

If as a supplement, I have thought about this. This summer, he has been going to an Algebra teacher 2x/week (in anticipation of having no "real" math teacher next year). Currently, the tutor sees him in the morning, but, if I ask real nice, maybe she'd consider continuing on with him after school this fall. That would make me feel better about the math. I would then just have to make sure he's up to snuff with other subjects for college. Obviously, I'm thinking out loud here. (I knew posting on here might unlock some potential answers for me!! Thanks!)

[Niffercoo]

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about. You know, it's not all that much different from what I experienced growing up and moving around so much.

 

This is how my school experience looked (all public schools in various states):

Kindergarten- 4 different schools

1st grade - another different school

2nd grade - another different school

3rd grade - started out in the 2nd grade school but moved again

4th grade - another different school

5th grade - started out in the same school but moved again

6th grade - 2 different schools total

7th grade - another different school

8th grade - 4 different schools total

9th grade - another different school

10th grade - another different school

11th grade - actually stayed in the same school as 10th grade

12th grade - another different school (yes, for my senior year)

 

And no school used the same curriculum or scope and sequence as the last. We would move mid-school year and I'd jump into the new math book wherever they were without regard to what I had already learned. Lucky for my parents, I was a bright child and able to pick up whatever was asked of me academically.

 

So it's not the best circumstances, but you don't need to feel shame for it. Things happen. Family situations are all unique. Just make the best of it that you can for your family!

[8filltheheart]

Have you looked into online options? He would have accountability to someone else and have high academics.

[Liberty]

So, if there was a potentially positive public or private school option, it would certainly be on the table.

 

Kim

 

Well, actually, (and here I am thinking too much again--a road I probably shouldn't go down) there is a Christian private school 30 mi away that has converted their curriculum to a classical education (Latin and everything). The work I do from home can be done anywhere (w/laptop and internet aircard) and I know people w/ office space in this other town. I believe we could afford the costs for all 4 of my dc as the tuition is capped at 11% of total income (might be tight, but do-able). Also, the school does have a good basketball team, so ds wouldn't be completely out when it comes to sports.

 

Drawbacks- (1)-My ds loves the public school so much that I know he'd be upset. (2)- In the past when we'd investigated this particular school, they didn't emphasize college prep at all (would this have changed now that they are classical? It's possible, but would have to research further to know for sure). (3)- What would I do if one of my dc is sick? How would I get the other 3 to school?

 

Ughhhh!! Do you see the corners I paint myself into when I think about all this too much?! I hate that I lack wisdom, though I have been praying and am anticipating God's abundant blessing of such soon.

 

Thanks, all, for listening to my rants.

[Liberty]

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about. You know, it's not all that much different from what I experienced growing up and moving around so much.

 

This is how my school experience looked (all public schools in various states):

Kindergarten- 4 different schools

1st grade - another different school

2nd grade - another different school

3rd grade - started out in the 2nd grade school but moved again

4th grade - another different school

5th grade - started out in the same school but moved again

6th grade - 2 different schools total

7th grade - another different school

8th grade - 4 different schools total

9th grade - another different school

10th grade - another different school

11th grade - actually stayed in the same school as 10th grade

12th grade - another different school (yes, for my senior year)

 

And no school used the same curriculum or scope and sequence as the last. We would move mid-school year and I'd jump into the new math book wherever they were without regard to what I had already learned. Lucky for my parents, I was a bright child and able to pick up whatever was asked of me academically.

 

So it's not the best circumstances, but you don't need to feel shame for it. Things happen. Family situations are all unique. Just make the best of it that you can for your family!

 

Thanks for posting- this does make me feel a little better. Do you mind if I ask--were you in a military family?

[Rebel]

I'm a little confused. Is homeschooling all 4 an option? I wasn't sure if you could do this working from home or not. If so, that is what I would do, plus outsourcing as much as you reasonably can for oldest ds. YOU are in charge. When my ds copped an attitude with me, life as he knew it was over. I have been known to take everything he remotely enjoys away indefinately, until his attitude changed. That doesn't mean he gets everything back after one good day. He had to show me over a period of time that he respected me and appreciated the opportunity to be schooled at home...THEN he would slowly regain his fun time. I've only had to do this twice. As they get older, the hormones level off some and they really do get more reasonable.:tongue_smilie:

[Riverfront Headmistress]

The classes I listed would be the main courses, not supplements.

[Liberty]

I'm a little confused. Is homeschooling all 4 an option? I wasn't sure if you could do this working from home or not. If so, that is what I would do, plus outsourcing as much as you reasonably can for oldest ds. YOU are in charge. When my ds copped an attitude with me, life as he knew it was over. I have been known to take everything he remotely enjoys away indefinately, until his attitude changed. That doesn't mean he gets everything back after one good day. He had to show me over a period of time that he respected me and appreciated the opportunity to be schooled at home...THEN he would slowly regain his fun time. I've only had to do this twice. As they get older, the hormones level off some and they really do get more reasonable.:tongue_smilie:

 

The situation with this particular child is that he and I are WAY too much alike. He knows every button to push and is very devious about pushing them (please don't misunderstand, though, he is a GREAT kid). The last time we tried hs him and quit, my dh said it was Strike #3 and that would be it.

 

My 9yods, OTOH, was a DREAM to homeschool. He was always very compliant and we got along superbly. I truly felt like a teacher (in my element) during the whole process and he learned a lot. Sometimes, for fun, he'll get back out the work he completed w/me--like a photo album bringing back fond memories. He's been homeschooled twice: 1)The reason I stopped hs-ing him the 1st time was I had to take that job an hour away, so he followed brother. 2)The 2nd time I stopped homeschooling him was because I was spending 2-3 hours (depending on traffic) on the road driving ds#1 to charter school in the other city at the same time and it was way too stressful (for both of us).

 

My other two were not yet school-aged the times we homeschooled.

 

I have also thought about just homeschooling dc 2,3 and 4. Even though my 9yods did well in public school last year (all A's, developed an absolute LOVE of reading, etc...), he began to cop that public school attitude (he has changed dramatically in that respect in just the past year--it does make me very sad and filled with great regret, needless to say).