Need advice. 5th grader refusing help, yet cannot do it alone

[Halcyon]

My 5th grader is encountering this issue (well, i am too!) where he does not have good techniques for studying or approaching difficult material (in particular i am thinking of spanish and WWS) but refuses my suggestions. For example, i told him for words he constantly forgets in Spanish, he should write each on either a flashcard or a piece of paper which we can review togehter. He refuses to write the words down, so every time he encounters the word again, he moans that "he doesnt know this word". Very frustrating for him (and yes, me too). Dh has offered to play games with him to help him learn difficult words but again, he staunchly refuses, saying he will "do it my way". His way consists of staring at the paper for a while and then wandering away.

 

Do i "make" him use proscribed study techniques? He knows his method isnt working, because when he takes quizzes he doesnt do well, but instead of motivating him to find another approach to studying, he simply declares that it is too jard and gets extremely frustrated and upset (which clearly doesnt lend itself to learning). Should i make the study techniques simply "part of the curriculum" as in "write down all words you dont know from today's lesson and review?" but even then he wouldnt "study them" in the way they need to be studied! Foreign language in particular requires review, study, etc., and he does not seem to want to listen to advice. If his way was working, that would be fine, but it isnt. Interestingly, he is actually quite good at languages (takes after his father who taught himself four languages) but his nwillingness to study and review difficult material is getting in his way. Vocab seems to be the big sticking point, in latin as well.

 

 

Advice? Be gentle please.

[NotSoObvious]

We had to take a break from WWS until I figured out how to give support.

 

I tend to think that in 5th grade you do make them use certain study skills because they are still learning to apply them. I think this age still needs a lot of guidance, even though they are gaining independence. Once they get good at those strategies and study skills, we can let go a little and let them choose what works best.

 

Another way to look at it is that what he is doing is not working, so he can do it "your way" until he can make a decision that works. :)

 

BTW, I love your blog and I think your 5th grader is awesome and doing very advanced work.

[Farrar]

My experience with this when I was teaching middle school was that it worked best to set a specific assignment with specific goals, let the child fail it their way, in a fashion that allowed them to see that their method had not worked, and then enforce that a different study or organization method had to be followed. So, for example, a student who refused to outline for a paper. Okay, only so much I can push the outline. Then they turn in a disorganized paper. I sit down with them and go over it and show them where it's all over the place and how the outline would have helped. They usually became much more resigned after really seeing it in action like that. So, in this case, I would make it a weekly test on the vocabulary.

[Cosmos]

I do that sort of thing with my ds. We have done memory work for many years that includes foreign language vocabulary, and we have always done it together. When he was younger, I prepared all the materials myself (flash cards, etc.) and drove the routine.

 

This year, in 7th, he is making some of the materials himself (in particular, he is making his own vocabulary cards) and is starting to make his own decisions about how best to study. For example, he decides when a word needs additional review and how to set up his cards. But I do still spend 15 minutes a day helping him study/review.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Yes, I would absolutely make your suggestions part of the curriculum and assign the work. For this particular example, it would go better here for me to require things be done my way from instead of giving lots of correction (or moaning and groaning, finger wagging, etc. :tongue_smilie:) after the assignment/quiz is completed. More matter-of-fact from me equals less insult to them. I do not require everything to be done my way. In fact, my kids are pretty free to be creative in most of their subjects and get them done with a personal twist. I am pretty open to suggestions and negotiation...most of the time (basically until I am just NOT). :lol: At the point where they are shooting themselves in the foot because of some easily adjusted method? Nah. I am just going to say, "OK, here's what you are going to do."

 

As Mom, I am happy to suggest this, that, or the other and watch them fail and learn in their own way. Even as a teacher sometimes, but not in an incremental subject that we need to be moving forward in, especially when ignoring Teacher is wasting Mom's time. :D Trial and error is a good thing. Trial and griping, no. Trial and throwing your hands in the air? Uh-uh. Trial and repeating the same thing over and over again? Time for Teacher to step in.

[Halcyon]

My experience with this when I was teaching middle school was that it worked best to set a specific assignment with specific goals, let the child fail it their way, in a fashion that allowed them to see that their method had not worked, and then enforce that a different study or organization method had to be followed. So, for example, a student who refused to outline for a paper. Okay, only so much I can push the outline. Then they turn in a disorganized paper. I sit down with them and go over it and show them where it's all over the place and how the outline would have helped. They usually became much more resigned after really seeing it in action like that. So, in this case, I would make it a weekly test on the vocabulary.

 

I think your idea of a weekly vocab test is great. He actually does motivate for tests when i tell him it will be "graded" (whatever that means, LOL) he even woke p early to study two weeks ago for a "test". Thanks.

[Hunter]

Sometimes a daily pop quiz is needed. Flashcards can be a "quiz". He can use the flashcards on his own, or let you help him, but then there is a nonnegotiable quiz that he is expected to pass, that will take place at a certain time. The grade gets recorded, and is averaged into his regular textbook test scores.

 

Over the years I have been very creative about what I call a "pop quiz", when I need to.