amo_mea_filiis. Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Ds goes to the Young Marines. Today will be 4 meetings he's been to and i'm really not sure how to continue. The meetings are 4.5 hours long on saturdays. Issue 1- last saturday as he was getting ready, he shared a secret with me; he likes the young marines but does NOT want to talk or explain things to others, especially his sister. If and when asked by anyone, his reaction is strong and negative. His reaction to me includes choice words. Last night he even cried about going. However, I can ask him what he wants me to pack for lunch, and he'll tell me! He'll share little bits of random good stuff, like saying he likes the new recruits. Last saturday was his first meeting alone (without dd), and he was exceptionally well behaved ALL DAY. He did great getting ready, is always behaved when there, and was suprisingly well behaved after the meeting. Dd and i were prepared for a meltdown in the afternoon, and it never happened. Back to the negative; at least once, every single day, between meetings, he'll say he hates going. I want him to continue. I also want him to understand that i really do take his feelings into serious consideration with all decisions. But i dont want to pull him and teach him that if he whines enough, he can get out of things. Or that i will not make him do things that are hard for him. Does anyone think he should NOT continue with the young marines? The next issue: we do have to talk about things. He needs to memorize and recite the creed and obligation. He will sometimes have to give me messages about next meetings and such. So i cant act like the young marines doesnt exist until saturday mornings. We have to prepare for the next meeting. I can leave all talking to essential things like HW, or memory work. I do not, and will not ask him the most dreaded "how was the meeting" or anything like that. How would respect his feelings about not wanting to talk, and respect his language disability, but still review what needs to be done daily? The last issue is the negativity. When he graduates from recruit to young marine, i do not EVER want to hear that "it sucks" or for him to use the beloved curse words to describe it. Right now, i cant address this issue because its not yet a battle i want to pick. Soon, though, i do want to address it. I hope i will not have to. Respect is strongly modeled by all adults, young marines, and recruits. Maybe it'll rub off to ds. If i have to address this, where would i start? I do not want anything to be negative (taking things away) because he'll dislike it even more. Overall advice here all wonderful hive? Ds (and i) really, really NEED this: the respect, being a good model for others, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 (edited) Don't let him drop out. You are still in the beginning . My ds felt the same way; we made him continue, and he learned some life lessons (that he now chooses to ignore, but that's another story). His Staff Sarg. and family are still a part of our lives. They are so down to earth, non judgemental, and very supportive.I can't say enough good things about the Young Marine program. :) My ds was in it for 2 yrs. ETA: All of us in our family HAD to commit to the time involved, and being supportive of all the activities. It was a lot, there were community helper days, the meetings were Sat. mornings and would go sometimes into the late afternoons, car washes, maintain Vetran graves, visit to nursing homes, yard work for the elderly, garage sales, camping, parades, fundraising, ceremonies,dry cleaning the uniforms, and memorization. You get what you put into it. I think one of the most touching things we did was when a local young man died in combat, and the group were a part of the funeral. They got permission to wear their uniforms to school to honor him, and lined the road into the gravesite. It was quite a wakeup call for these young people. Edited October 27, 2012 by MooCow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Can you see if any messages about meetings and other upcoming activities can be provided in writing so ds does not have to talk about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Yes, you should be getting a calendar and schedule of all upcoming activities from your Staff Sarg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 I can avoid having to get reminders from him. But we still have memory work. Moocow- thank you for the btdt. I will most likely keep him in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Does he mind singing? My dd is very good at clamming up and is much more responsive to memory work in song form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 He doesnt like to sing anything. We were not even allowed to sing happy birthday to him for several years. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 How about just putting the memory work into the daily schedule. At X time say, "It is now time for you to do your memory work. You can do it alone or I can help you. The choice is yours. Please do one or the other." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 If my child told me every day that he hated something, I would believe him. If he reinforced that by speaking strongly and negatively about it every time he was questioned, again, I would believe him. He has cried about going and doesn't want to answer questions about it or talk about it? That would send up huge red flags for me. Even if he said once that he did in fact like the activity, that wouldn't carry much weight for me considering his reactions the rest of the time. I'd think it was possible he was just trying to please ME by saying he liked it. I wouldn't force my child to spend over four hours every Saturday on an optional activity he hated. I think your son's reactions go beyond simply whining about hard work. There is no guarantee that he will learn what you hope at these sessions, particularly considering how he dislikes them. You really can't expect someone else to teach him not to be negative in one half day a week. That is ultimately your responsibility, and the sooner you address it, the better. Tell him in very specific terms what types of speech are not allowed in your home. You have to be willing to back up your words with action. If you're not willing to discipline him in any way, it's difficult to see how any change is going to happen. I would not continue with the activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 (edited) Today he was extremely happy when i picked him up. He was in no rush to go, said goodbye to everyone, and even asked the training officer for "the stuff" we needed to make him official! Now we have to study hard so he can eventually move from recruit to young marine. If my child told me every day that he hated something, I would believe him. If he reinforced that by speaking strongly and negatively about it every time he was questioned, again, I would believe him. He has cried about going and doesn't want to answer questions about it or talk about it? That would send up huge red flags for me. Even if he said once that he did in fact like the activity, that wouldn't carry much weight for me considering his reactions the rest of the time. I'd think it was possible he was just trying to please ME by saying he liked it. I wouldn't force my child to spend over four hours every Saturday on an optional activity he hated. I think your son's reactions go beyond simply whining about hard work. There is no guarantee that he will learn what you hope at these sessions, particularly considering how he dislikes them. You really can't expect someone else to teach him not to be negative in one half day a week. That is ultimately your responsibility, and the sooner you address it, the better. Tell him in very specific terms what types of speech are not allowed in your home. You have to be willing to back up your words with action. If you're not willing to discipline him in any way, it's difficult to see how any change is going to happen. I would not continue with the activity. Ds hates most of everything, which is why i asked here. He hates math, english, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and usually hates me when he needs to put away the dishes. I do discipline him, but in the moment of him freaking out is not when anything is addressed. With his language problems, i'm trying very hard to accept that he is expressing him, even if it's with extreme inappropriate language. I say i'm trying because it is one of the hardest i have done with him so far. Eta: most nights he will apologize and he'll talk to me about what made him mad. It's obvious that this is pfysically hard for him, but he's trying. Maybe with the help of the young marines we can make more progress. Well, that and proper diagnosis and most appropriate therapies that i cant get my hands on. When he would say that he hates it, it never lasted very long, and i could redirect him with things like lunch packing. If it something he is truly, honestly bothered by in a bad way, there is no redirection. For today, he loves it. Next week he'll love for sure because they're having a halloween party. If this continues like drums or occupational therapy, we're on the right track. Edited October 27, 2012 by amo_mea_filiis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Ds hates most of everything, which is why i asked here. He hates math, english, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and usually hates me when he needs to put away the dishes. Okay, I didn't realize this. That does make things more difficult and less clear cut! I'm glad he had a happier day today, and if he took the initiative himself to ask for more materials, that does sound like he wants to continue. I suppose if it was something I really wanted my child to participate in, I'd continue to monitor it closely and see how it goes. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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