Why ds's wars cause such a problem

[amo_mea_filiis.]

This is ds's obsession. Every single thing on the floor (that was clean this morning!) is somehow related to that war. It's lincoln logs on piano bench vs lincoln logs on game boxes. The whole set up is blocking our school stuff! I've posted so many times about tantrums and wars, i had to show you a war.

 

This is it, though. He doesn't "do" anything with it now. It has to stay there until saturday so he can show my father when he gets here. A picture textedis not good enough. He will spend all of today worried about dd possibly knocking it all over, and threatening her (which i will address).

 

The picture is sideways, and i dont know how to fix it, sorry.

[clarkacademy]

Oh that is so nice let's take a picture! No you cannot keep it up until such and such because this house is everyones and it is in everyones way so it needs cleaned up by the end of the day. AWWW, you wanna throw a fit? OK time to go to your room sweetheart. No I did not say come out of your room let's go back..over and over and over until he gets the point. He doesn't want to be respectful? He can lose his building blocks or whatever. They can go in a tote and stored in moms closet.

 

It is really too bad he is hrowing a fit, but as the adult you can ignore him or give him attention for it.

[KnitWit]

Why don't you give him defined boundaries where it is *always* okay for him to set things up and leave them? Make it clear to him, NEVER in the common areas, but always in his room...or something like that.

 

I let my kids do that, but we have a time limit set on the number of days it can sit *untouched*. If it's being added to, changed, played with, that is different. If it's done and just been *left*...no.

 

Pictures are good. Make him a special scrapbook for his creations. Let him illustrate it and write captions.

[KnitWit]

And yes...a fit would result in a sudden and complete cleaning in the form of a *disappearance*. ;)

[swellmomma]

He needs a safe zone to building his war set ups where they can be kept up, everything else must be put away at end of day. Period. Tantrumming is his way of controlling you, look how good he is at it. Under that window turned perpendicular from where it is now might be a good zone. I know you don't want him having all the toys in his bedroom so make a niche in this room that is just for him for things he wants to be left set up. There is no need to threaten and tantrum when you know you have a safe spot. 2nd rule. Safe zone MUST be cleaned every saturday. Everything put back away properly so floor can be properly vacuumed. That way each week starts fresh in his niche with room to create new wars.

 

All kids like to save their creations. We have the same thing here with lego and when we pull out the straws and connectors. But it may not interfer with the day to day living in the home, so safe zones, weekly clean up and discipline for tantrums/threatening/disobedience on this.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I have tried to impose limits, but the concept is new, so i'm still working in it.

 

That one was done early this morning and was very creative, so i let him leave it. I did tell him that he is not to talk nasty to dd, and if he did, his war goes away.

 

I was able to reach under for her violin, and grab school stuff without a fit.

 

The problem with the limits is getting him to understand and follow it when i'm not there (early morning before i get up).

 

He has 2 really good spots in his room, and i will work harder to redirect him as soon as he starts. I could also take stuff away at night, but that gets tricky because he'll use whatever is available.

 

Years ago, i put waist height shelves of sorts, more like a ledge, in a cliset for his early morning linung up of toys. I could try something sinilar and make a way to keep this stuff off the floor.

 

This picture was several months ago. I have to say that there is some placement progress. This was dine between the kitchen and bathroom!

 

Why are they all sideways?!

[AK_Mom4]

Keep working on it. I can remember one of DS16's young masterpieces where he blocked access to the only downstairs bathroom and felt it was perfectly reasonable for everyone to go upstairs for a week!

 

I finally sacrificed one corner of my living area over to his K'Nex operations!

[jenL]

Your son and my sons would get along fabulously! I've relegated the wars to the playroom, and only the playroom, which is upstairs and out of the way. Before that they were in the entryway, school room, living room, and even the bathroom once.

 

Everything can be turned into a soldier, and battle lines can be drawn anywhere! :lol:

 

I feel your pain!

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm sorry. I know he is a challenge for you, but these pictures remind me of why I don't allow anyone over the age of four to play with toys in the living room/dining room/kitchen...pretty much the whole downstairs unless we come to a verbal agreement that they will clean it up upon request or loose the priviledge of playing downstairs at all.

 

I think giving him a designated area is a great idea. I had to do that with dd 13 a while back when she was into making these huge sculptures on the dining table and kitchen counters. I cleared out half the garage and put up a table for her. No more frustration from me and she was free to work on a project for as long as she wanted. I actually got that idea from someone here!

[clarkacademy]

I have tried to impose limits, but the concept is new, so i'm still working in it.

 

That one was done early this morning and was very creative, so i let him leave it. I did tell him that he is not to talk nasty to dd, and if he did, his war goes away.

 

I was able to reach under for her violin, and grab school stuff without a fit.

 

The problem with the limits is getting him to understand and follow it when i'm not there (early morning before i get up).

 

He has 2 really good spots in his room, and i will work harder to redirect him as soon as he starts. I could also take stuff away at night, but that gets tricky because he'll use whatever is available.

 

Years ago, i put waist height shelves of sorts, more like a ledge, in a cliset for his early morning linung up of toys. I could try something sinilar and make a way to keep this stuff off the floor.

 

This picture was several months ago. I have to say that there is some placement progress. This was dine between the kitchen and bathroom!

 

Why are they all sideways?!

 

I have learned with 2 special boys I must be up first period

[amo_mea_filiis.]

He needs a safe zone to building his war set ups where they can be kept up, everything else must be put away at end of day. Period. Tantrumming is his way of controlling you, look how good he is at it. Under that window turned perpendicular from where it is now might be a good zone. I know you don't want him having all the toys in his bedroom so make a niche in this room that is just for him for things he wants to be left set up. There is no need to threaten and tantrum when you know you have a safe spot. 2nd rule. Safe zone MUST be cleaned every saturday. Everything put back away properly so floor can be properly vacuumed. That way each week starts fresh in his niche with room to create new wars.

 

All kids like to save their creations. We have the same thing here with lego and when we pull out the straws and connectors. But it may not interfer with the day to day living in the home, so safe zones, weekly clean up and discipline for tantrums/threatening/disobedience on this.

 

This is all great, thank you! They are supposed to have rooms cleaned before bed on fri nights so i can vacuum sat morning while they're out. I will work on this more with him. I will be posting living room pics in another thread because my living room drives me insane! I can't ever get it set up nicely. That spot under the windows may be taken. Those 2 pictures will be hung on saturday, and behind them is our forever floating spelling board.

 

I may just post pics of all rooms! This house is so tiny and i need some better ideas.

 

lol. very clever of him to block off school stuff and the piano. Agree with above posters re: creation space and duration. He is male, this is not a childhood thing. Suggest giving him a tray (cardboard box with inch high walls like they use at grocery store for cans) and let him lay out men there, so it can be moved when piano is needed. Investigate need for blocking piano..is practice time bouncing around so much that he can't deal with it? Is it too loud, or improperly timed for what he is doing?

 

I have tried movable surfaces, but they dont hold up to the moving. He didnt block the piano on purpose, the bench is just at the height he likes. Lol.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I have learned with 2 special boys I must be up first period

 

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! :tongue_smilie:

 

The earlier i get up, the earlier he gets up.

 

I am normally up right at 6 (no alarms), but yesterday i had regular pasta like an idiot, and for whatever reason i am not able to get up after gluten-ing myself. So today i got up at 8.

 

For the most part, i'll naturally get up first, but he goes through spurts of getting up around 4. He used to climb in my bed and go back to sleep. Maybe i can have the dvd player set up to something he likes. Or i can baby-gate the stairs to pe prepared for those mornings.