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How much should children be told?

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No. It will just hurt the kids. Affairs are a tragic part of some adult romantic/marital/sexual relationships. They are not the business of children, and really, not the business of anyone outside the marriage. (Although, of course the involved adults will want/need to talk to family/friends for comfort and support and counsel, but that is NOT the job of children!)


FWIW, I believe the same goes for adult children. If you made a mistake choosing a parent for your kid, or you made a mistake choosing to cheat on your spouse . . . well, either way, be a big girl/boy and do what you can to keep your kids out of the sewer!

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I tend to think he should speak with his ex-wife and ask her whether she wants the fact the affair started before the divorce revealed or not.


I've never been in this type of situation as either a child or an adult, so I'm not sure if that's appropriate. I guess how he proceeds should depend a lot on how "good" of terms he is on with his ex-wife. If they are very acrimonious, then I don't know what to say. A lot depends on the emotional status of the kids. Are they able to handle something like that right now?

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There is no point in telling the kids when the relationship started...only that it is. It would only serve to color the kids' opinion of the woman, and possibly hurt any relationship she has with them. If the adulterous parent wishes to do so, that's their business.

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