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How much should children be told?


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No. It will just hurt the kids. Affairs are a tragic part of some adult romantic/marital/sexual relationships. They are not the business of children, and really, not the business of anyone outside the marriage. (Although, of course the involved adults will want/need to talk to family/friends for comfort and support and counsel, but that is NOT the job of children!)

 

FWIW, I believe the same goes for adult children. If you made a mistake choosing a parent for your kid, or you made a mistake choosing to cheat on your spouse . . . well, either way, be a big girl/boy and do what you can to keep your kids out of the sewer!

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I tend to think he should speak with his ex-wife and ask her whether she wants the fact the affair started before the divorce revealed or not.

 

I've never been in this type of situation as either a child or an adult, so I'm not sure if that's appropriate. I guess how he proceeds should depend a lot on how "good" of terms he is on with his ex-wife. If they are very acrimonious, then I don't know what to say. A lot depends on the emotional status of the kids. Are they able to handle something like that right now?

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