Rhondabee Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Edited to say: this situation has been resolved. I merely wanted to answer Remudamom's post. thanks, Rhonda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonesloonybin Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 :grouphug: I am sorry that you are having a hard time...Maybe a solution would be to not allow dating or "girlfriends" at all. Just tell your son that his behavior has shown that he is not ready yet. That way while the first girl will feel sad..it will not be because she got "dumped" but because he cannot have ANY girlfriend. I am sorry it really does not sound like he is ready. There will be break ups and drama even when he is older but they should be handled with compassion and tact. I don't know it this helps... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry. I would have a very hard time with that as well! Yikes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaM Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Kuddos to you for being upset with him. It would do him no favors for you to accept his poor behavior. Now would be the best time to discuss why he (and teenagers in general) is not ready for the emotional pressure of dating. I don't have anything to offer other than encouragement. Keep the lines open with him. Maybe you can get him to discuss why he acted as he did. It would also help him if you can help him to see the ousted young lady's feelings and encourage him to apologize to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 I know, you guys are right. Our original plan of "absolutely no dating" obviously backfired, thanks to church - LOL! And, my dh was *really* upset - he didn't get to give his "how you should go about choosing *the* girl" speech he's been working on for oh-so-many years. But, you know, what do you do when they obviously like each other, and the most they are going to do is sit beside each other in church? We felt like if we put up too much of a fight, it would just be counter-productive and ruin the transparency we've had with him up til now. So, thanks *so much* for your posts! After reading them I'm sure God *is* providing this time for us to put a more sturdy nix on the whole thing. And that *will* hopefully go over better with the girlfriend, as well as giving him more time to mature. =) Rhonda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks for all your help!!! I showed dh your posts, and he was very grateful, too. Quick update: DH laid down the law - no more girlfriend/boyfriend relationships at all. We also explained how catty this girl at camp was being towards his "girlfriend" - and how that is just not the type of girl he needs to get involved with. As we suspected, he really didn't know girls were that way. So, he did call this girl to tell her he was mailing back a cap she had given him and that they wouldn't be seeing each other - and confronted her about her behavior. Of course, she said she hadn't been mean at all, but she had heard a rumor to that effect. (yeah, right!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Phfft. The only benefit I can see of young uns "dating" is that it helps them learn to get emotionally involved and then leave em in the dust. Great practice for divorce later on. And no, before someone brings it up, I'm not talking about older kids. I'm talking kidlets. BTW, the Christian camp that I went to growing up was famous for kids pairing up and getting into trouble. It's just stupid to put kids in that situation, but you know us Christians, we gotta do everything the world does, and we think singing a few hymns and slapping a John 3:16 sticker on it will make it okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 It sounds like your ds learned a valuable lesson at a very young age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 :grouphug: I am sorry that you are having a hard time...Maybe a solution would be to not allow dating or "girlfriends" at all. Just tell your son that his behavior has shown that he is not ready yet. That way while the first girl will feel sad..it will not be because she got "dumped" but because he cannot have ANY girlfriend. :iagree: with this part of the post! Hopefully there won't need to be a lot dating and break-ups. We're trying more for the route where they don't date someone, then drop them for someone else, then have someone else break up with them, etc. I don't think that's good at ANY age! IN dh's and my opinion, dating should be looking for the person you feel you can and would like to marry. It's more like courting. Where you do things with a group first, not just together. It sounds old fashioned to many, I know, but it saves lots of heartache! I think you guys made the right choice! Good for ds for calling that girl, talking with her about her behaviour and sending the cap back! Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 :confused1: Sometimes it can be so confusing to be the mom of a teen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Yes! Thank goodness my dh and ds can talk so openly (I wasn't privy to the entire conversation). He's a really good kid. But, still a kid. Thanks for posting! Rhonda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindyinTexas Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 We were just talking to our son who will be 15 in a few months that there will be no dating yet. I think everyone as a group can have more fun. There is plenty of time for dating when they get older. Dating to me always seemed way too complicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cricket1178 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Phfft. The only benefit I can see of young uns "dating" is that it helps them learn to get emotionally involved and then leave em in the dust. Great practice for divorce later on. And no, before someone brings it up, I'm not talking about older kids. I'm talking kidlets. BTW, the Christian camp that I went to growing up was famous for kids pairing up and getting into trouble. It's just stupid to put kids in that situation, but you know us Christians, we gotta do everything the world does, and we think singing a few hymns and slapping a John 3:16 sticker on it will make it okay. Loved your post! I went to the same camp!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I think you definitely need to discuss this with your son. When a child has been bullied, it is not uncommon for them to turn to bullying as a protection for themselves. It is not right, but does happen. But I do think he needs a stern talking to about his attitude and how he treated this sweet girl and so on, and what he should have done instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Phfft. The only benefit I can see of young uns "dating" is that it helps them learn to get emotionally involved and then leave em in the dust. Great practice for divorce later on. And no, before someone brings it up, I'm not talking about older kids. I'm talking kidlets. BTW, the Christian camp that I went to growing up was famous for kids pairing up and getting into trouble. It's just stupid to put kids in that situation, but you know us Christians, we gotta do everything the world does, and we think singing a few hymns and slapping a John 3:16 sticker on it will make it okay. If you read my earliers posts, you will see this was really in practice a "mini-courtship". Sitting beside each other at church, and playing cards with your parents isn't really "dating" - but, what else to call it? They were just two kids - admittedly young and naive - with mutual crushes, who go to the same church and whose parents are friends. But, rather than asking them to repress their natural emotions, or locking them up in barrels, or changing churches lest they see each other, we adults chose to use this as a learning time. A time to learn how to be friends first. A time to learn to value someone for who they are, and to be honest about who you are. A time to learn how to acknowledge a feeling, but not act on it. And there were *many* heart to heart discussions about this on *all* sides before camp. And, now that there have been a few heart to heart discussions about how he could have handled the curve-balls he was thrown at camp in a more mature and loving way; and, now that he understands that there are "players" in the world; he sees for himself that we *were* right when we told him that we felt he was too young even for the small relationship that we allowed. And, now our relationship is restored, and he has a new level of respect for his out-of-date parents. He has learned valuable life-skills; not because we "stupidly" put him into a bad situation, sang a few hymns, and slapped on a John 3:16 band-aid. But, because we are walking this journey with him. We share the good, the bad, and the ugly honestly with him. And, he has admitted that what happened was *not* the camp's doing, but his. God has used this whole experience to help us disciple him in ways we wouldn't have been able to had we just kept our proverbial heads in the sand, and never let him have any contact with kids his own age. Yes, part of the reason I homeschool is because I *do* think this child is particularly prone to being swayed by other people. And so, a part of me would agree with you. I guess it *is* "stupid" to throw your child to the wolves without any guidance - without an open, honest relationship where all things are discussed in love. But, I would have thought anyone could have deduced from my earlier posts that that is *not* the way we approach our parenting. I'm so glad this was all resolved here before I read your post. Your words were like salt in a fresh wound. I thought about not answering your post, but felt I needed to defend my honor and my son's. Rhonda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I certainly didn't want to be salt in your wound. I am the first to admit I'm caustic. I wasn't trying to rail against you, we found ourselves in a similar situation when a girl at church pursued our son, and though they only saw each other at church a lot of gossip was generated. I'm glad you resolved it too. Put me on your ignore list. Apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Oh, I have spent too much time ignoring people and situations hoping they would go away. (sounds like my ds - at least he comes by it honestly!) It's very counter-productive. I am trying to learn to be honest with people, instead. I admit I am not well-versed in expressing my hurts, either. And, I gladly accept your apology. Life is certainly not easy. I thought I was glad I had two boys, because I would be avoiding all the teenage-girl drama. If only 'twere so.... :001_smile: Rhonda I certainly didn't want to be salt in your wound. I am the first to admit I'm caustic. I wasn't trying to rail against you, we found ourselves in a similar situation when a girl at church pursued our son, and though they only saw each other at church a lot of gossip was generated. I'm glad you resolved it too. Put me on your ignore list. Apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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