High Stress Year: What small changes have you made for a big payoff?

[GAPeachie]

*sigh* *slow deep breaths*

 

I'm fairly new here but we are walking the special needs road with our son Xander. We are in the midst of mental health testing and from the consultation yesterday we are most likely looking at a combo of ADHD, OCD, ODD and/or mild aspergers.

 

Oh.. and he he is "only" three. We've already done extensive food diaries for him because he also struggled with food intolerances to soy, corn, dairy, egg, peanuts, almonds, blueberries, carrots and Red dye 40. We are also currently trialing going gluten free for him.

 

He also regularly sees a chiropractor and keep him within arm's reach at all times.

 

Anywho. We aren't "homeschooling" him per se. But I need to figure out what I can do to keep school moving along with the girls (9 and 6) while managing his behaviors and oh yeah.. we have a 2 year old and newborn too!

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

Right now I'm looking at moving the 9 year old to Teaching Textbooks and using Starfall for the 6 year old. Our 9 year old is also using some CLE.

 

But I'm at a roadblock when it comes to other strategies.

 

What have you done or what would you do in my situation to make things easier?

 

Please be gentle. I'm still processing all of this and I'm feeling fragile today after the customer service representative made a smart comment about my son *only being three* when I asked about our mental health coverage.

 

:glare:

[dkpalaska]

I don't have any brilliant suggestions, mostly just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

 

1. Make sure you take care of yourself somewhere in there. So many people depend on you! A little exercise or quality "alone time" can go a long way. I'm super guilty of ignoring this one and it's really obvious to me and my family when I don't get the down time.

 

2. You are handling a hugely full plate. Cut yourself slack and don't feel guilty about dropping all "extras" right now. Just the basics. It sounds like you are already moving the older girls to more independent studies. Any co-ops around? Is there money for farming out (for example) science or history to homeschool classes where someone else preps and teaches?

 

3. Possibly consider a brick and mortar school for the older ones, if it just gets too overwhelming. For a year, say.

 

I'm sorry that it's so hard right now. The insurance companies never make it easy, do they? Ours just sent the third letter THIS YEAR saying that they are reviewing the "medical necessity" of our son's speech therapy. Yes, your son is "only" three and quite a bit can change with simple maturity, but the sooner you can arrange interventions the more effective they will be.

 

Hang in there - this is a terrific place for advice and support.

[Ottakee]

We started seeing a psychiatrist with one of ours at age 2 1/2. Seriously, it was that bad......and I keep saying that if I had known then what I know now, we would have started meds at 18 months old.

 

She has a mood disorder, most likely bipolar but could easily fit the ADHD, OCD, ODD, anxiety, spectrum stuff, etc.

 

You might consider sending him to a special needs preschool even a few days a week for a few hours at a time to give you a break. The ones in our area are VERY good and even if they don't learn a great deal there they are safe, well cared for, and enjoy their time there--as well as the bus ride (which was a huge hit here).

 

Medication might need to be an option. I know it is very scary and a big decision at this age BUT for some kids, it is life changing and allows them to really focus and learn and mature and respond to the parenting/training you are working so hard at.

 

If you are not opposed to it, our local community mental health offers respite services. We get a set amount of money each year to hire respite providers (we can use extended family, friends, etc. if they do the training which is easy). Just a few hours break here and there to go do something for yourself, spend time alone with your dh, etc. can make a HUGE difference.

 

IF you have family/church family support, let them know of your needs and see if someone would watch the kids even for a few hours a week to give you time for a nap, to have coffee with a friend, see a movie with dh, etc. Taking care of mom is #1 for taking care of the rest of the family.

 

You might also let someone else take the olders to church activities, homeschool things, etc. if needed so they don't miss out.

[GAPeachie]

I don't have any brilliant suggestions, mostly just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

 

1. Make sure you take care of yourself somewhere in there. So many people depend on you! A little exercise or quality "alone time" can go a long way. I'm super guilty of ignoring this one and it's really obvious to me and my family when I don't get the down time.

 

I've been thinking about this for a bit-- trying to figure out how to fit that in...

 

2. You are handling a hugely full plate. Cut yourself slack and don't feel guilty about dropping all "extras" right now. Just the basics. It sounds like you are already moving the older girls to more independent studies. Any co-ops around? Is there money for farming out (for example) science or history to homeschool classes where someone else preps and teaches?

 

Our co-ops are ridiculously expensive. Currently we only have one vehicle although we are looking at getting a commuter car for DH.

 

I'm sorry that it's so hard right now. The insurance companies never make it easy, do they? Ours just sent the third letter THIS YEAR saying that they are reviewing the "medical necessity" of our son's speech therapy. Yes, your son is "only" three and quite a bit can change with simple maturity, but the sooner you can arrange interventions the more effective they will be.

 

Hang in there - this is a terrific place for advice and support.

 

I burst into tears on the phone with the insurance rep. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back this morning. We've seen issues with Xander since he was placed with us, but recently things have escalated and it is affecting not only his daily living activities but our whole family.

 

We started seeing a psychiatrist with one of ours at age 2 1/2. Seriously, it was that bad......and I keep saying that if I had known then what I know now, we would have started meds at 18 months old.

 

Yeah, we had some issues finding someone that would actually see him at three. Most of the offices said he had to be a minimum of six.

 

 

You might consider sending him to a special needs preschool even a few days a week for a few hours at a time to give you a break. The ones in our area are VERY good and even if they don't learn a great deal there they are safe, well cared for, and enjoy their time there--as well as the bus ride (which was a huge hit here).

 

How do I start to go about finding more information for this? Do I just call our county office? I see HeadStart.. is that the same?

 

Medication might need to be an option. I know it is very scary and a big decision at this age BUT for some kids, it is life changing and allows them to really focus and learn and mature and respond to the parenting/training you are working so hard at.

 

 

This was part of the discussion yesterday. I mentioned that we had worked so hard to get him eating table food again (long story, but he was put on hypoallergenic formula and then quit eating completely and had Cdiff at the end of last year, beginning of this year) that I didn't want to chance messing with his appetite. Our dr. assured me that there are non-stimulant medications that can be used for children this young and that those medications have a lower incidence of that side effect, if we choose to go that route.

 

If you are not opposed to it, our local community mental health offers respite services. We get a set amount of money each year to hire respite providers (we can use extended family, friends, etc. if they do the training which is easy). Just a few hours break here and there to go do something for yourself, spend time alone with your dh, etc. can make a HUGE difference.

 

 

Where would I begin to hunt for something like this?

[Ottakee]

 

We've seen issues with Xander since he was placed with us, but recently things have escalated and it is affecting not only his daily living activities but our whole family.

 

Yeah, we had some issues finding someone that would actually see him at three. Most of the offices said he had to be a minimum of six.

 

How do I start to go about finding more information for this? Do I just call our county office? I see HeadStart.. is that the same?

 

Where would I begin to hunt for something like this?

 

I am not good at this multi quote thing.

 

You mention that he was placed with you. Is he foster or adopt or foster to adopt? That can make a HUGE difference in services you might qualify for. At least in Michigan these kids get Medicaid until they are 18 or even older and having medicaid opens up even more services. If you are adopting, I would certainly request an adoption support and adoption medical subsidy which are huge helps as well.

 

If he is foster/adopt then his birth family history as well as prenatal/birth situation can be big pieces to the puzzle.

 

For school, the local school district should be able to direct you. Here it is Early Intervention/Pre Primary Impaired. Ask them for an evaluation. He might need more services than Head Start could provide.

 

Respite here is done through our local community mental health so I would call them.

 

Has he ever seen a neurologist/geneticist? Sometime kids with mental health issues along with medical issues have genetic/mitochondrial disorders. IF those are found, then services can be billed under MEDICAL instead of developmental delay or educational delay, etc.

 

There are a wide variety of meds. Mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics were most helpful here and then we added meds for ADHD later.

[GAPeachie]

Sorry, I was not clear. It has been a doozie of a day.

 

We adopted Xander privately but have information about his birthmother's side of the family. Less than ideal birth circumstances is putting it mildly. I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable posting it openly... Our doctors do all know the details. And knew that these issues may have been a possibility from Day 1.

 

We did have a consultation with a neurologist and had an MRI done (to rule out neurofibromatosis) and we did have a genetics consult when we were at DuPont for his GI issues.

 

Everything came back "normal" from that standpoint.

 

I called the school district, and Headstart is income based (and we dont even come close to qualifying even with a large family.) I was given the name of a resource here and when I called and explained the situation, she started the process for an Early Childhood Education Evaluation through the district that will take place in our home. It's a start.

Edited September 18, 2012 by GAPeachie

[Ottakee]

That is totally fine about not saying more.

 

If Early Childhood doesn't work, you could retry Headstart based on that he is "high risk" due to his special needs, adoption, etc.----at least in our area they have non income slots for "high risk" kids. Early Childhood though will likely take him, esp. if you have doctor documentation of medical needs in addition to any delays.

 

My girls were adopted young--8 months and 2 days old and have a host of mental health, medical, and educational issues.......but I will say that things are SOOOOO much easier now than they were when they were toddlers.

[hmvaughan4]

I can't help much, but for the special needs preschool, you can call the local school. They should be able to put you in touch with their special needs department and begin the evaluation to begin preschool. If you aren't able to get information from them, you can contact your state education department. But your local school system should be able to direct you to the right department.

[MomatHWTK]

A lot will depend on the personaliities of your children. My oldest who is SN, does well with assigned reading (but only short reads with me in the room :glare:). My next student will do assigned reading as well. So for two of them, I get some basics out of the way with daily assigned reading.

 

We do other lessons via online video. These are self-paced so I'm not tied to someone else's schedule and we can all watch together even if the 2 y.o. is running amuck. Each child gets a little seat work time with me, I usually start them on a page of work and then if they "get" it I move them to a desk and take on the next kid.

 

I found levelled worksheet pages for grammar online and so when we do a grammar lesson (i.e. subject/predicate) each child has a worksheet that is age and skill appropriate. I supplement with these. I teach a lot using a dry erase board and just going through questions that can involve everyone- discussions without graded work. The two year old loves to erase whatever I'm trying to write. :tongue_smilie:

 

Finally, I have some online resources I use to supplement. I have a learning.com account and assign materials through that portal; I have Jumpstart and Math Blaster online for everyone; the two middle kids have Always Ice Cream/Clever Dragons; the youngest two use Stafall.com; and they are all using iknowthat.com.

 

Of the 4 kids my DD and my 2 year old use the online resources the most. They computer based learning does not appeal to my other two boys. Oldest would actually rather do independent reading than play a game to learn. Go figure. ;)

 

ETA: My oldest was very allergic. He was on elemental and hypoallergenic formula only from ages 1-3. He and my DD started solids at the same time! We have a much smaller list of allergens now, but all the kids are on his diet as far as avoiding those.

Edited September 19, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[Tiramisu]

I have committed homeschooling friends and private school friends who seem to be very happy with the services they've received from the county and the public school system for their their 3 year olds. I think if you contact your local school district, they would also be able to inform you of services the county could also offer. As homeschoolers, I think there is sometimes unease in asking for help from the public schools but my impression has been that the early intervention teachers are very sympathetic and supportive. I have friends who have used the special needs preschool programs in different districts and all seem satisfied.

 

I really needed a regular break when a couple of mine were this age.

 

Since you mentioned dP... I would beware of CHOP for evaluations for learning related disorders because there is someone there who makes an issue of hsing. I'd like to find out if dP is any better.

[GAPeachie]

I made some calls yesterday and actually made progress.

 

We have an eval through our school district on the 25th. She actually had an opening tomorrow but it conflicted with another appt.

 

I am not fond of DuPont. We went there as a last resort when another hospital here discharged him on only pedialyte. *rolls eyes*

 

We did a hypoallergenic formula trial last December and he continued to lose weight and then quit drinking completely. *sigh* Thankfully we have him back on table foods and the growth chart.

 

I guess now we wait to see what shakes out from the testing and evals. I'm feeling better today. Thank you for your encouragement and being gentle.