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I have tried that in the past (but maybe not consistently enough) She always comes up with a reason that it had to be done in the first place. (this kid will be a great lawyer someday) She has flawed logic but she sure argues a great case and manages to get me completely off track. We go round and round for far too long. BTW she is 10yo.

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I generally do the deed to the child.

 

You will empathize with the child whose hair you pulled when I pull your hair.

 

it isn't always so simple, but this generally works.

 

That seems like it could lead to a whole raft of unintended consequences. I wouldn't want to foster a "tit for tat" mentality in my kids - I already spend enough time refereeing sibling squabbles with "just because he did it to you, doesn't mean it's okay for you to do it to him."

 

We talk a lot about the perspectives of others. I take mental notes when my daughter feels excluded, picked on, etc., and bring those situations up later when she is facing decisions about how to treat others. ("Remember how you felt when X said Y to you? I wonder if there's a way to deal with situation Z without making someone else feel that same way.") Or we talk through hypothetical situations. Books, TV shows, and movies are also good sources for perspective-taking and problem-solving discussions.

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