DD easily discouraged, doesn't understand having to "work"

[dollhouse]

Hi there--thanks in advance for reading my question.

 

My daughter is 8 and I would consider her very bright. She has a great memory and reads at a very advanced level for her age, so schoolwork has always been a breeze for her. We started homeschooling about 1/3 of the way into the school year when she was in first grade because she was "bored" at school and we wanted more of a challenge.

 

Fast forward to now, where we are encountering a struggle with anything that she has to "work" at. Right now that's math. She understand the concepts, but she isn't interested in memorizing her math facts. Therefore, she's REALLY slow at getting math done, because she has to mentally calculate everything, rather than recall quickly from memory. In other subjects she memorizes things very quickly, so I'm not sure why she's resisting this so much.

 

Now she is labeling math "boring" and saying she isn't good at it. Of course she is working above grade level, so being "good" at it isn't the issue. She just isn't used to having to put forth much effort, and now seems to have almost zero tolerance for frustration.

 

I have no doubt that this is "normal," but I wonder if there are any strategies anyone could suggest for me to help her through the frustration and curtail some of the negativity? I don't want her to internalize the "I'm not good at math" or "math is boring" statements I've been hearing lately!

[boscopup]

Have you tried practicing math facts in a fun way? Games, etc.?

 

I actually used printed drill sheets (5 minute drills, 100 problems), which DS1 thought were "fun". :lol: Go figure. I told him he didn't have to do all the problems - just as many as he could in 5 minutes, and if he didn't know one right away, he was supposed to skip it and move on. The first day we did the table of 3's (from http://math-drills.com) and he skipped all variations of 3x6 and 3x8. So I orally went over the paper with him, putting a check by the ones he got right, and just asking him the ones he skipped or got wrong. By the end, he knew 3x6 and 3x8 because he had practiced saying the answers right then and there so many times. :D

 

I wouldn't recommend the timed drill method with a child that freaks out, of course. My middle son would NOT be a good candidate for this! Games will probably work better for him.

 

I'd also separate the facts practice from the concepts. If she understands the concepts, move on. She doesn't need to do every problem and slog through it. In a separate session, focus on facts. Or if you're doing multiplication, give her a multiplication chart (or have her make her own ;) ) that she can refer to while working problems. She may soon find it faster to remember it than to look it up. ;)

 

Just some ideas!

[Embassy]

Ah, you should read the recent thread here titled "Boredom". I might try going faster through math. If she understands the concepts and is stuck learning facts then it is understandable that she is bored. Change math into a two-track set-up. Work on facts a little each day and speed ahead with math concepts. It might also be helpful to branch out and cover math differently. See the thread I mentioned for specific recommendations.

 

Make drill work one-on-one too. That makes a big difference here.

[Parker Martin]

You could calling drilling math facts, Computation or Calculation, rather than Math. Then keep doing math, and do computation/calculation in parallel via Khan Academy or one of the other suggested things.

[Chrysalis Academy]

A totally different approach - try reading Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carole Dweck. She talks a lot about the fixed vs. growth mindsets, and talks about how to retrain yourself and/or teach your kids to change mindsets. I've just started the book, so I can't give you a good summary at this point, but it seems to be addressing exactly what you are talking about, in more global terms rather than as an approach to just one school subject.

[dollhouse]

Thank you all so much for these great ideas!

 

Boscopup: We've done an iPad app with math facts that's more of a game, but it has a timed element--I think that might be why she doesn't like it. I'll look into something that isn't timed!

 

Parker Martin: That's an excellent idea. I think she might respond to that!

 

Wehomeschool and rroberts, I will look into those resources.

 

I knew you all would help--thanks again for the guidance!

[laf919]

one thing I have tried to get a kid who resisted timed facts practice to adjust some is to either have them time themselves - with the eventual goal of being able to do a whole sheet in 2 min. or 5 or whatever - or to just do how ever many they can in the given time and move on. Either way, the idea is to give the child more control of the clock - to see timing as a tool, not a master or something to fear. Eventually all kids will have to do something timed - even if it's not until taking SAT's and such in high school - and especially for bright kids who often resent feeling like they've made mistakes - learning to cope with being timed is an important skill.

I would also definitely move ahead with concepts. Give her an addition table and a multiplication table - possibly blank to fill in herself - and let her use it as much as she wants. Or teach her to use an abacus like in RightStart math - give her the tools to figure out the facts when she is working on concepts and then do a few minutes a day of some sort of math facts drill. I would also only require her to do enough concept problems to demonstrate that she understands the concept. Which might be far less than the number of problems the book gives - you will have to judge. Eventually, the facts will come.

[Katy]

Flash cards. Target has them in the dollar bins, or you can get them at dollar tree. Constantly drill with her so she's not alone in her study. Explain she MUST know these to do math just like she must know letters in order to read. You didn't expect her to buckle down and learn her letters alone, don't expect that about facts either. Go through flashcards with her and put the ones she can answer instantly in one pile and the ones she doesn't know in a constant review pile. Go over the harder pile 3-10 times a day, even at non school times. Go over all the cards once a day so she doesn't forget the easy ones. Randomly ask her a fact you know she struggles with at dinner. In the car. When doing anything. Skip all other math instruction until she knows all her facts, 0-12.

 

Tell her that she is blessed to be so smart, but sometimes being smart can be a detriment, because hard work will beat out ability every time and usually she doesn't have to work hard. You got her out of school so she could learn to work hard. Math is not "boring," it's not "hard," and it's not a talent, it's just a skill. It's a skill she can learn. It's a skill she will learn. Tell her every single high-paying professional job is going to require her to learn math through at least calculus. She might choose to not do one of those careers when she's older, but that will be because she has the choice, not because she doesn't have the education. She can do this. She will do this. Her attitude about doing hard things needs to change and you're going to work with her until she's not afraid of trying hard things anymore. Talk it up. Be a coach. Approach it with the same enthusiasm and praise that you did teaching her reading. Even if you think she taught herself to read, she did that after you read to her for years. She just needs the same boost in math that she had in reading.

 

Approach it with "Today, you're going to learn your _____ facts! We're going to study them together until you get this. You can do it, I know you can!" When she learns something, praise her for her hard work, not how smart she is. "You're such a hard worker! Good job!" Even though at that point YOU are doing 99% of the work. Cheerlead her into being certain she is a hard worker and she can do anything she puts her mind to.

 

Even when she knows them all, review the facts from time to time until she's gone almost a year without getting something wrong or having to pause to calculate.

 

Slowly, when you're done with math facts, I'd lead her into one of the more self-teaching math curriculums, because it is important that she learn to learn without handholding. But right now I would teach, teach teach.

[katemac]

I know it might sound absurd for me to suggest unschooling. But sometimes boredom comes when they haven't found what interest them.

[redsquirrel]

You can also work on normalizing the feelings she has when she has to work at something. I can really relate. When I was in school almost everything came to me with almost no work. Except when it didn't. I wasn't used to it and therefore was unprepared to have to work when it was needed. I would throw up my hands and walk away, claiming I didn't like it etc. The truth is that I had no coping mechanism for my frustration. I didn't know how to learn things. I was used to just knowing them. When I got older I figured it out, but I did myself some academic damage by writing off some subjects that required actual brain work.

 

I see the same thing in my older son. We have talked a lot about what those feelings in his body mean. He manifests his frustration physically and can get very agitated when things take more than a few moments to figure out. He is used things just falling into place for him. We have talked about the value of hard work and how those feelings don't mean to walk away. Those feelings mean that it is time to work even harder. We have come up with some coping mechanisms, such as breathing, talking, taking a break etc. He's sort of on the intense side when it comes to academics, in case you can't tell.

 

I imagine that many bright kids can fall into this pattern. I have been very please with how my son has responded to naming the problems and working with him to develop the tools he needs to cope.