(CC) How do you help your child if he/she is like this...

[Dianne-TX]

Easily stressed and frustrated, perfectionist personality, controlling, most everything seems like a struggle in one way or another, not naturally a relaxed, joyful, delightful person? There's so much more, but I'm not going to get into a long, drawn out description. If you have this type of child, you know what I'm talking about. Also, this a boy, 11 years old. There's been an increase of those tendencies he has here lately. He is apologetic and not ever aggressive, impulsive and excessive in behavior and emotion sometimes, but never aggresive. He seems to not really "get" how he is or what he does or try to help himself in those difficult times or practice how he's been raised and taught. How can we help him? I have family members who have this same personality and tendencies. Life is difficult with them and for them, but they didn't have parents that helped them because alas, those family members were the same. It's a vicious cycle. Help us break it. :confused:

 

BTW, we are committed Christians who believe that the Lord alone can change him through His grace and mercy of salvation, if He so wills, and work in him and we are praying for this guy. We want to be good parents and stewards of the blessings He has given us in our children.

[Momma H]

I just wanted to bump you. I have no experience with this kind of kid. We have many other issues, but not this one. Hugs to you. I would pray but I am sure you have. I would also read up on anxiety--as a matter of fact, in a situation like that I would go to amazon and start putting any words in I can think of in the search box that relate to this kind of thing. Often I am surprised at the books out there that relate to my obscure issues.

[MomatHWTK]

Even if he's not on the spectrum for autism, you might find some of the techniques that work for Asperger's kids to be helpful. My DS has several issues going on and the kick in of hormones at age 11 have intensified those. Look beyond what you think he might have and adapt the techniques to suit your child.

[JessReplanted]

Have you ever gone through a personality test with him? He sounds like a perfect melancholy - which is what I am. My parents never tried to understand why I was overly sensitive or reacted differently than they would have in certain situations. It made things very hard.

 

One important thing to remember is that every personality has both strengths and weaknesses. While it's easy to see the weaknesses, you want to be able to identify his strengths and encourage those things in him.

 

My friend has the Kids Flag Page book/game, and I think it offers great insight into the different personalities.

http://shop.familymatters.net/product/71/Kids-Flag-Page

[mytwomonkeys]

grouphug: my little boy sounds a lot like your's. he was a very unhappy baby and toddler, and over the years he has definitely grown leaps and bounds, especially with self control, but unfortunately more often than not he still fits your first sentence description. we're still trying to figure out how to best meet his needs, and depending on the situation, our reaction isn't always the same - so i can't even tell you what works (ironically though, he makes friends easily & does fairly well in groups).

 

we do give him attentive child, and that does make a big difference for him (although we give him the pills and not the wafers). otherwise, we;re still learning as we go. one thing for sure, if my son is having a difficult time he almost always needs one of three things:. 1) food 2) sleep 3) solitude.

 

he's an amazing kid and i absolutely adore him. his behavior reminds me a lot of myself as a child. my mom says i was her most difficult child and also her most loving child. that's my son. i have no doubt that he'll grow up to be a phenomenal man, it's just getting him from here to there:tongue_smilie: you've gotten good advice. i'll be watching this thread myself.

Edited May 27, 2012 by mytwomonkeys

[forty-two]

Easily stressed and frustrated, perfectionist personality, controlling, most everything seems like a struggle in one way or another, not naturally a relaxed, joyful, delightful person?

 

Does your son feel like he's not relaxed, joyful, delighted in life? Or is it that he looks that way from the outside, but might not feel that way himself on the inside?

 

Because I have most of the traits you mentioned - easily stressed and frustrated, perfectionist, I can be controlling at times (better than when I was a kid), everything seems to take so much effort compared to others - yet I feel relaxed and joyful and delighted in life most of the time.

 

Anyway, I second the poster that rec'd finding out his personality - so you can figure out how to harness *his* strengths to overcome his weaknesses. Here's a decent test for kids: http://www.personalitypage.com/cgi-local/build_pqk.cgi

[TXMomof4]

We had dd evaluated. Everything was just hard with her. Even when she wasn't melting down, it was just hard. She was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder with OCD tendencies. It was so easy to see where that comes from in our family - I'm an anxious perfectionist and dh is OCD.

 

We started her on meds after much deliberation and it was the best decision we ever made.

[songsparrow]

Does he show signs of giftedness? Because the traits you're describing would be quite typical for a gifted child. If that could be the case, I would refer you to SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) and the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children.