Is this too much responsibility for a 9 year old boy?

[CatholicMom]

I think maybe you're being a bit rough on him. It would break my heart if my son got there and was crying because he couldn't play. I think it's a skill to work on, but not have consequences like missing out on one of his favorite things at this age. I also wouldn't want him to deal with the embarrassment.

 

I think some kids are old enough at 9 to do all that but a LOT of kids would have problems keeping it all straight. How many MOMS have trouble remembering all the gear they need, ya know?

 

I'm a fairly organized person and I couldn't tell you how many times *I* run out the door and forget things I needed.

 

I'd probably make a check-list and then help him with it... Walk him through it, or you double-check the night before that he has everything so he's not embarrassed or disappointed.

 

Blatant disregard or a rebellious attitude is one thing, but a forgetful 9 yr old is very forgivable and totally normal, IMO. To be totally honest, personally, I would probably do it for him for a few more years in the form of "Hockey is tomorrow... I'm looking in your bag here and I only see one glove. Where's the other one? OK, go grab it. Also, you need your cup. Better find it and throw it in. Is that it? Yep, OK, now don't take anything out so we can grab the bag and go out the door tomorrow." He will get the hang of it.

[TranquilMind]

Okay, so we told DS9 he could play inline hockey this year, under one condition. HE was responsible for his gear, HE was responsible for making sure everything was in the bag when he went to, and left from, practice and games. HE was responsible for putting dirty uniforms in the laundry. We were very clear about his responsibility, and he agreed to this condition.

 

So far in the last 3 weeks, he has:

1. Misplaced a glove moments before the game started. He'd left it at home. Yes, I reminded him the night before to make sure his bag was packed.

2. For practice last week, he forgot his stick, his gloves AND his skates (:confused:). I happened to stop by practice to see how he was doing (this was before I knew he had forgotten anything, as DH dropped him off) to find him in tears because he couldn't find an extra glove in the practice room (he'd dug up an old pair of skates and someone lent him a stick). I helped him look but told him again, that it was his responsibiltiy. Then I ended up going home and finding his skates for him :blushing: I just felt so badly for him-it's his absolute favorite time of the week. Oh, and I had already told him if he didn't get his homework done in afterschool, and done WELL, he would have to skip practice, and he DID do his work well, so I felt it would have been really unfair to have him miss practice.

3. He misplaced his sneakers at the gym and we had to miss another outing while we looked for them.

4. Completely lost his expensive cup and special underwear (don't know what this is called) and he will be paying for it.

 

Am I asking too much for him to be responsible for his gear? I really, really don't like running around looking for his missing items, particularly when it's last minute. I even made a laminated checklist for the outside of his bag, so he can make sure he has everything. It hasn't worked, clearly.

It is old enough. My kid did it from that age BUT he is a really responsible kid who never loses anything. My OTHER kid would have lost stuff all the time, as she is simply not that attentive to detail.

 

So, it depends on the kid. I'd remind him and remind him to double check his bag before leaving. One day, he will just start doing it.

[Momling]

I think it's optimistic to expect him to do what you are asking... but I think it's a good thing for him to be working on.

 

I expect my (nearly 10 yo) daughter to get herself ready for ballet and put her shoes and water bottle in her bag and collect her pins and rubber bands and hairbrush for me to help her with her hair.

 

But I still do have to stand near the door saying "do you have your shoes?" "are you wearing deodorant?" "Where are your pins?" and "Are those clean tights?" I'd like to believe she can do it herself... but she still needs someone checking up on her.

[katilac]

I think this is akin to the "can an x-year-old be expected to do schoolwork independently?" threads. Some kids will handle it easily because it comes naturally to them, some kids will need lots of training and handholding, and some kids will need that plus more time.

 

Can you set a specific time before practice and games to check over his stuff, a good while before you leave? Then have him place it all in the car. I know that I can be much more patient when we're not rushing to get out of the door. I would start with by standing right there with him, doing a physical check of each item (not just, "yes, my glove is in the bag" but make him unzip the bag and look at the glove). Move toward him leading the joint physical inspection, then him doing it on his own with your reminder, and so on.

 

Some people have persistent trouble with this. I'm one of them ;). As an adult, I make it manageable by setting alarms and reminders on my phone. Paper lists don't always work because you have to remember to look at the list in time, lol, whereas the alarm is an audible reminder. So, even after training, he may need a system of this type - does he have an ipod touch or similar that could be used for this?

[Karen in CO]

I do think it is too much responsibility. I think that there should be a checklist that he is taught to go over the day before. I don't do the actual work at that age but I am there to make sure that it is actually done, instead of waiting to just hear that "I did it".

:iagree:

They have to be guided until it is a habit. A checklist by itself would not have been enough for either of my older two at age 9 who are both very responsible, now.

[LMA]

Why is the gear coming out of his bag when he gets home? We don't play hockey but we do have skating gear for the three of us. I have a giant bag for it all and after skating the bag gets packed and it does not get opened again till we are the rink the following week for skating.

 

I have three who play ice hockey and four who ice skate. We take all the gear out to dry out the equipment and keep the skates from rusting. Moisture still collects in the bag. I wash all jerseys, socks, skate wipes, etc. If you don't dry the equipment, it will stink. The skates tend to get condensation even after you dry them with a wipe. I put the stuff in the sun in the summer and in the winter I have a portable heater. Sometimes hockey teams will smell as they walk by. That smell comes from the equipment.

 

Before packing the car to go to practice/game, I remind each child to open his/her bag and do an equipment check. They all have a mental checklist of what should be in the bag. If something is missing, they ask me if I have seen it. They also know to check for sticks in the trunk before leaving.

ETA: The mental checklist comes from going over the bag each and every time before we leave the house. If you make this a habit, he will catch on.

Edited March 5, 2012 by LMA