Youth football for less-gifted athletes. Good or bad idea?

[klmama]

My ds wants to play city league youth football next fall. It is full contact with pads. He loves the sport, but he isn't very athletic. He wouldn't know anyone going into it, so he would be the new kid who was homeschooled and then wasn't very good, either. This is kind of a rough area, so the kids will probably not be the gentle souls he's met through his homeschool co-op, KWIM? The league claims to welcome players of all abilities, and it promises equal playing time. Still, we are very hesitant. He isn't very big, and he gets hurt easily. Yet, he loves football, and even after getting hurt playing it recently with friends in a park, he still desperately wants to be on a team. He does better in school when he gets more exercise, so in that respect it might be really good for him. Is it worth giving him the chance to fulfill this dream (6 years now he's been asking), or would it be a horrible mistake because of the likely outcome?

[Tap]

Can you call and talk to the coach? Let him know your concerns and ask him what he thinks. Let him know that your are being honest and would appreciate and honest reply not a 'pc' one. If the coach tries to discourage him from playing, then I would take it as a clue that this isn't the team for him. If the coach is encouraging and optimistic, then you can feel more comfortable. You may also ask the coach if it is a 'try out' practice or 2 before you have to commit financially, or if you have to pay for the season whether your child plays or not.

[elizam]

All I can do is share my story, and let you weigh the pros and cons that you can think pertain to your ds.

 

Mine was going into 7th and had dreamed of football for years. He had tried baseball, basketball, and soccer. Of all these, I guess he was ok at soccer but not what you'd call athletic. He has ADHD (we were in denial back then), which made him appear "clueless" sometimes out there on the playing fields. It was painful to watch most of the time. Dh, a football star in high school and sort of "typical male" about things like sports, was really disappointed in ds and often ds was aware of this sad fact.

 

So ds came to the conclusion that he had to try football, the only team sport he hadn't tried. He thought he might even want to go to PS high school and play. He couldn't get the dream out of his head. We decided (reluctantly) to let him try Pop Warner.

 

We all got an education in what youth sports can be like when they aren't what you're used to, which in our case was church leagues at our own friendly church. Suddenly we were all thrown into a crowd of PS parents and kids and it was very, very different, even though we had always done stuff with PS families before...something about Pop Warner is different. I cant' quite explain it without "dissing" people who might like it.

 

Overally, we didnt' like it, but ds did--sort of. He endured pain and humiliation every night of the week for 2 hrs. The coaches didn't particularly seem to like or admire him. They were afraid he would get hurt. He got minimal playing time in the games, which I suppose was fair, because the majority of the kids had played since they were 7 or 8, and were totally good. They knew all these plays and they knew how to hit and take a hit.

 

The coolest thing was ds did gain a certain level of respect from his teammates--most of them, anyway. It's rather ironic that ds, who is white, was treated better and given more slaps on the back by his African American teammates than by his fellow white ones. Some of the nice kids are still his friends 3 yrs later. But there were a few kids who hated him, cussed him for messing up, made fun of him, and generally not encouraged.

 

There was this one kid who I referred to as the "prima donna." He was pretty good and very full of himself. He was one of the more well to do kids on the team (but not wealthy by any means....more like "from a two income home) He was one of the stars and also an academic "all star" who had been to some banquet for having a high GPA and being a football standout. He had this whine and this attitude...ds' shining moment in football was finally tackling this kid and astonishing everyone. He got soooo much respect from his teammates and even the adults.

 

The "star" actually told ds it wasn't a good tackle and then went around telling the story at PS about how ds thought he tackled him but really didn't. This story got told numerous times that ds heard of!

 

I really, really liked how ds got to know all kinds of kids. But some of them really bugged us with their bad behavior. The coaches cussed, smoked and even drank (at the championship games--they made it all the way to Superbowl and had to stay in hotels). i was not comfortable with most of the adults, although there were some who were very nice and seemed like decent people.

 

The experience led to ds wanting to go to PS that same year (he started football before school started). Dh was all for ds being "normal" so he pushed for him to do it.

 

Our years since have been rocky...ds no longer plays sports. He might try tennis or swim team next year. He still is the kid who gets mocked sometimes. He is swimming this summer again. He recently played some basketball with a couple of the old PW guys...and had fun, just hanging out. He invited several of those guys to our youth group pool party the year he played football. It was a great experience to see how "unsocialized homeschooler' got along so well with a diverse bunch of boys. It really helped me see what a great guy my ds is and how there are all kinds of people out there who can be really fun and nice and loyal (I already hoped this and new it to some degree, of course...but it was a little scary at first, and probably was for ds, too.

 

He never got seriously hurt, but was worn out every night and covered in huge brusises. Sometimes some of the snotty kids would hurt him on purpose. It affected his grades in his first year back in PS...he was too tired and busy with football to put the necessary effort into homework every night.

 

I regret the loss of my ds' innocence from school, and PW was sort of a gateway to that, but I guess he probably would have gone to PS eventually anyway, and it hasn't been the greatest experience, but I am starting to see his better character traits shine thru again.

 

That's our story..there's more I'm sure, but it is the middle of the night and I am not thinking very clearly as I type.

 

HTH!

[genie]

Well, I have no experience with football, but my dd has been participating in several parks and rec sports lately, and I have very mixed feelings about it.

 

First off, I will say my daughter is not the most athletic kid out there. She isn't very active naturally, but she enjoys sports when she does participate, and actually does quite well with new sports. She really surprised me by wanting to play soccer this spring. I was unsure because I know there is a lot of running required, and she is not a fast runner.

 

But I wasn't about to discourage her from playing. I figured, hey, it's parks and rec. This isn't a competitive school team. It's just for kids to have fun and learn a sport. Yeah, right. It became quite obvious that the coach was ALL about winning. He put her in a position that rarely gets any action in the game, and although he regularly rotated every single other person on her team, he wouldn't rotate her. Finally, she got the courage to ask if she could play a different position, and he let her for the last few minutes of a game. I was really irritated at how reluctant he was to put her on any other position, but she seemed pleased enough when she did get to play so I let it go.

 

Now she is playing baseball, had her first practice/game Friday night. The coach seems nice enough, but she was the only one on the bench most of the game. :glare: And when she finally got her chance up to bat (and mind you, this was the very first time she ever was up to bat in her life) and he told her to just stand there and not swing so she could walk and the next person would get a turn. That made her very sad. After the game she said to me, "I'm here to play! I want to learn to hit the ball! I don't want to go against what my coach tells me to do, but I don't want to just stand there."

 

So, it's hard and it's sad, and I have really wanted to chew out a few coaches lately. BUT... it's not about me. My daughter is enjoying it, and feels very proud of the skills she is learning. She has learned to press on and endure physical and emotional pains, she's learning to ask adults for things she feels she deserves, and she's gaining a confidence in herself despite what anyone else might think about her. So I will continue to enroll her in these sports for as long as I can afford it, and I will bit my tongue and let her learn to fight her own fights and to make her own decisions about when it's worth it or not.

[klmama]

You've given me a lot to think about. Does anyone have a ds who played full contact football as a weak player and had a really positive experience in a competitive league? Is that even possible?

[Old Dominion Heather]

You've given me a lot to think about. Does anyone have a ds who played full contact football as a weak player and had a really positive experience in a competitive league? Is that even possible?

 

My son is NOT a strong athlete. He had a wonderful time playing, learning the plays and loved the team competition. He was NOT the only kid who cried, in fact half the team was crying when they lost their play off game.

 

It offered him a chance to work like he had NEVER had the chance before. All academics come easily to this child. I really put him on the team so that he could learn that he was NOT the best at everything... he needed to learn how to lose with grace in a setting that was not as high stakes as academics is (for him). He made lasting friends and for the first time was able to see that he had gifts which made him valuable to his team, even though he was one of the weaker players.

 

For example, he played on a 7-8 year old team. He was 8. He was made a starting offensive lineman even though he was only 50lbs... because he was one of the few who memorized the plays and knew his left from his right. They played a few games where the coach moved him out of starting position because the player he was up against would have outweighed him so dramatically. But he learned how to get hit and not cry and he has some very impressive muscles.

 

He is prouder of the football participants' trophy than ANYTHING ELSE he has ever won.

 

I would say that it was one of the best decisions we have made for him.