Creative Writing, Age 8, Third Grade...would love suggestions.

[Kfamily]

My dd (8) loves to write creatively. I think she starts a new story every day...:lol: Here is part of a story she began this morning as she wrote it (errors and all):

 

 

Black Disguise

Introduction

If once there lived a beautiful kingdom it was not now, for on the fields of triumph there lingered an air and hold over the moors and once beautiful land. But now it was all covered with bodies laid astrewn before their masters and water creeping in the wet, dried grass making a swamp that was disguised by everything that might make unhappiness discover a happening of battle. Disguise of a swamp. Now an ugly pond with old grass and bodies swimming and floating on the rivers of mud was indeed terrible to behold if not gruesome.

This is the rolling hills, springing with flowers, and meadows with galloping stallions? These are the moors that once held fall, spring, summer, and winter in its grasp? Is this the making of black disguise? That creeps under shadows and dark clouds? The world is now changed, is it not? Beware of what may take over…

1

The roar of thunder fell into the pit of succumbing dark and though it was midnight the sky seemed lighter than usual. Stumbling along was a man who was wearing a blue-grey tunic that was ripping in some areas, his feet were bare, and his pants as ragged as his shirt. He had black hair sweeping nearly over his shoulders. Ahead lay the tomb of Taliesin, the Welsh bard. It was now covered by a tree and seeing it the man took shelter. Is this how he would end his life? Was this his fate? To wander about from tree to tree, from home to home, never finding what he truly wanted? Would he never look upon that merry face that which he had left so grief-stricken? These thoughts poured in a rage in the man’s mind.

“Dante, come on, it’s nearly sun-down; I expect a song from your heart,” came the spring words of Raen, his true love.

“Of course, my lady Rae,” he had said. She always said that each evening and each time they would stand on The Hill of Stallions and watch the wild horses galloping on the field, finding a place to graze. It would always be the same time too, sunset, and he would play his lyre to the tune of, “Where the Wild Horses Are.”

“Where are the wild horses?”

“Why haven’t they come?”

“Each night my thoughts linger upon them, their freedom.”

“I know it is too late to say goodbye but I just wanted to tell you, I love you, I love the wild horses, where they graze I weep, for they always go journey some place I wish I could be.”

“Secrets lie upon their brow that seems to creep through shadows and bramble tearing at a rose bush whose bleeding thorns hold a poured crown, exiled from the light and beautiful things. Secrets rend apart our love and my love for The Wild Stallions.”

“Where the Wild Horses are, I know not, but my heart wonders about with them and my ring of light deepens in the night when I hear the call for me and my love for them.”

Rae was crying when he finished; because he sang it with such emotion and while the song had been sung the horses had left and Rae found that hard to bear.

“What is it my dear?” he asked, contemplating her and trying to comfort her. But she just went on crying, and Dante held her in his arms, whispering, “Shh, my love, Shh, The Wild Horses are here with you.”

 

Those were the good times, and while Dante thought over them he realized he had started crying too. And while his emotions grew over him, like a dark cloak, he saw the faintest shafts of light piercing the sky. He was brightened by them and wiped away the salty tears that licked his face with their wet droplets.

“Come to me,” whispered a voice, “Come, while you have a choice.” It was his beloved Rae’s voice! He stumbled along and out-stretched his hands, feeling for her, like he was blind of the world around him and his Rae. Then he tripped on a stone and fell unconscious.

 

Black began to swirl around him and he strayed out of all worlds, but he heard something, he just didn’t see it.

“Oh, my Dante, come back to me,” whispered the faint voice of Raen.

When he opened them he was lying on a settee in front of a hearth that gleamed in the glowing morning. He saw a very young man sitting on a chair, near his own pallet, and held his head in his hands. His black curls whirled in the wind that silently came through a window, behind his chair.

“Who are you?” he asked, rather startled at the tone of his courage and command.

“No one you shouldn’t learn later.”

“Do you speak in riddles, tongue-twisters?”

“Never.”

“Then I suppose you should know who I am, no?”

 

 

We are using Imitations in Writing for our writing program and we both are really enjoying this for now. We have the book for Greek Myths and Medieval Legends. I also have CW Homer for when she is finished, if we need it.

I am reallly stuck with what to use for grammar for her. I have looked at so many programs and cannot find the right one for her. I would love some suggestions. If any patterns of errors from this writing sample jumps out out you, I would love to know them. Her writing overwhelms me in that I'm not sure where to begin with her sometimes...:lol:

Any suggestions?

[misidawnrn]

:drool5: WOW, is all I can say! I can't even write like that and I am 30 years her senior! Great job. I see a future author!

[Kfamily]

Thanks!

Do you see any patterns of errors of which I should take note? I'm thinking it would be easier on me if I made a list of her errors and then prepared lessons from there.

Any grammar suggestions? I keep thinking about KISS but haven't tackled the work on it yet.

[PeterPan]

She would probably enjoy MCT or Stewart English. I wouldn't do much or belabor it. If you like the looks of KISS, yes KISS might be fine. I just don't think heavy doses are necessary when you have a very verbal child who is also doing an inflected language. Don't connect it to her writing and steal the joy. Just gently do things on the side that add up. I did an editing workbook with my dd at that age, and it was very profitable. The particular one we used was a "take 5 minutes, history fact a day" book. There are others in that series, and I *think* you can buy them as ebooks. Mercy, I'll bet mine is on my old computer! I better rescue it. :)

[Farrar]

That's really so cool!

 

Just my own take, but at that age, I wouldn't touch it unless she was asking you to help edit. Obviously, there are a lot of errors - enough to make it confusing in places. I can see why you feel overwhelmed trying to help her pull apart what's working and what isn't. However, I think clearly you've got a kid with a vocabulary level many of the rest of us would envy. It shows that she reads a lot and loves stories. That's just great.

 

I would just build grammar and editing practice into your day if you haven't - as Elizabeth suggested - and wait for the errors to naturally resolve themselves. When I was school teaching, I liked Grammar with a Giggle's basic approach (edit a sentence every day). There are things like that - Evan-Moor has a daily practice one for grammar, I think? She's obviously a motivated writer, so the issues almost certainly will improve as she practices editing and reads more.

[Kfamily]

Thanks so much! I knew you ladies would help me look at this differently. And yes, I did waver between doing less and doing more. I agree, I think I will look for an editing workbook. I'm thinking that I will go with what Elizabeth was referring to about our study of languages and use this as our foundation for studying grammar. We are dealing with grammar in our study of French and Latin (and other languages too :001_smile:). I can use this as our starting point for grammar. If I correct some common errors in her writing, work on grammar through languages and add an editing workbook, do you think this will cover it? I want to begin a formal study of grammar now, but since I cannot find a grammar book that will work I'm thinking I could wait a bit longer. What do you think? She also has a copybook and is doing formal studied dictation as well.

Edited February 4, 2012 by Kfamily

[PeterPan]

I think doing the basic memory work of FLL 1/2 is valuable (defs, that sort of thing, anything roughly equivalent), but after that I don't think it matters whether you do more application with it now or later. That early memory work creates the foundation for the grammar you cover in your latin, etc.