Transitioning to "just" a homeschooler

[Dmmetler]

I've always, except for a 1 year maternity leave mostly spent pregnant and on bedrest, taught outside the house-for the last 6 1/2 years, as an adjunct professor in a University demonstration program. Well, that's ended-or officially will end quite soon (my classes are done, paperwork filed, since I don't have exams-but I think officially my contract hasn't expired).

 

So, this Spring, I'll be "just" a homeschooler. And it's bothering me more than I feel like it should, because it's been so frustrating trying to juggle both hats-and financially not worth it-last summer, I think I could have just endorsed my checks over to DD's gymnastics day camp, which I had her in mostly so I could get work done, and this fall, we figured out that I made a total of $7 for each class I taught by the time you subtracted all expenses. Not $7 an hour-a single class often involved at least 2 hours of set up and travel time, $7 class. I was actually considering quitting-or at least, trying to cut back, so it was almost a relief to hear that the University had chosen to discontinue the program and that the direction they were going was one I didn't want to go in-it gave me an "out".

 

But now that it's real, I feel adrift. It probably doesn't help that we're schooling only minimally now, since we have so many holiday-related things going on and are leaving for a family trip next week, so I'm not doing the more involved planning/lesson prep-and I'm sure it will be nice to have a Christmas break where I'm not dealing with parent inquiries, nervous students who suddenly realized that they didn't finish their hours and cannot student teach in the Spring, balancing numbers and scheduling GAs, and so on-I've had more vacations and field trips and just plain fun events ruined because of that kind of stuff than not over the last 6 years.

 

I sent three boxes of materials I'd created to a music teacher friend yesterday because I couldn't stand seeing them. Packing up all that stuff from the studio was one of the hardest things I've ever done that didn't involve a death in the family.

 

So, if you've made this transition-please tell me it will get better and that I'm going to love it-because right now, I'm not feeling it.

[....]

Before we got married, I was in the military for 7 years, lived/worked in a hostile fire zone, traveled all over the world...it's weird to go from that to being a stay-at-home parent. Life was so much easier in the military. :smilielol5:

 

In all seriousness, it takes a while to get used to being a stay-at-home parent.

[*********]

I quit my career in Automotive Tool Design when I had my first son. Except for a three month project assignment when he was one, I've not been back to work since.

 

It took me a good while to adjust to being a full time stay-at-home mom, and I expect that's normal. I had issues with the fact that I no longer generated income for the family, and I'm embarrassed to say I took those out on my dh. Who didn't make an issue of it at all. :tongue_smilie:

 

Be patient with yourself, give yourself time, and be honest about your feelings, even if you think you shouldn't be feeling the way you are. It's kinda like grieving, in a way. Something that was once a big part of your life is gone now.

 

Focus on the fact that this was your decision, and that once you've adjusted, you're going to LOVE 'just' being a homeschool mom. :001_smile:

[poetic license]

I'm sure it will take some time to feel settled after stopping work, but at some point I'd recommend branching out and finding something else that excites you (not necessarily for pay). My non-kid centered personal activities give me great joy and I'd miss them quite a bit if I dropped them. I don't have the ability to multitask much, so I don't do much besides the kids/home/HS stuff, but the little that I do besides homemaking I really love a lot.

 

If you like teaching, private tutoring might be something to look into. Less stress than a whole class and with a higher salary!

[Pippen]

I sent three boxes of materials I'd created to a music teacher friend yesterday because I couldn't stand seeing them. Packing up all that stuff from the studio was one of the hardest things I've ever done that didn't involve a death in the family..

 

Years ago when I made the decision to become an at home mom I packed up curriculum I'd spent years creating into tubs so I understand what you're going through. You put so much of yourself into such an endeavor that it's painful to see it put to rest, but keep focused on the important truth that your real work lives on in your students, and in those whose lives they touch. Recently I returned to fill a maternity leave and discovered that some materials I had written 20 years ago had been updated by other teachers through the years and were still in use. Not only that, I had the unique experience of borrowing lectures from one of my former students and I could see strands of my influence woven through his own style and content.

 

The first time it took a full year--being gone for one full school year--before I felt fully transitioned into my new life, even though I'd always wanted to be home with my kids more than anything else in the world. Even after this short term position I felt adrift after leaving, but I haven't missed losing sleep, working for minimum wage, or the pressure of having daily deadlines.

 

Go easy on yourself--it will take a little time but your world will be right again. Different, but right. I did find it helpful to pick up some out of the house community and church projects to keep my mind working.

[JeanM]

I worked part-time from home for the first three or so years of homeschooling. Then my job ended (replaced by workers in another country), and I was a full-time homeschooling parent. I found it very, very hard to transition. I had no clue that my job was going to end suddenly, and it was shocking and depressing. In retrospect, I think the transition would have been easier if I'd focused more on finding some non-kid centered personal activities.

 

Good luck! Once I adjusted to being a full time stay-at-home mom, I really loved it. Now I'm working FT while DH homeschools, and I'm still having a hard time with that transition.

[LaxMom]

I think my transition was (emotionally) easier because I took a leave of absence from my job after the boys were born (I worked from my bed until two weeks before), and just never went back because I was so fried from having twin nurslings and never sleeping.

 

Last year, I went back to work part time, in a less taxing job (front desk work at the Y vs software engineering for huge clients), just to do something non-kid related. I've expanded my role since then, but it's more flexible than my former career.