College anxiety - how to fight it?

[FrogMom5]

I am so nervous about preparing my son for college that I'm almost paralyzed by it. I began researching in his 7th & 8th grade yrs. Then, last yr., I would get so anxious I would shake. What is wrong w/me?

 

Dh told me to take a break last yr. and start again this yr. I'm slightly better now but still getting so nervous I'm unproductive. I have always been a calm, practical person. I keep telling myself to dive in and shake it off because it doesn't do anyone any good to be so nervous. It certainly won't get my son into college.

 

Has this happened to any of you? What did you do to calm your nerves enough to get things done? Any tips you have will be appreciated.

Thanks.

The crazy, frazzled woman - Denise

[April in CA]

Denise!

What do you think is behind the feelings of anxiety? Did you and/or your husband go to college? Is it fear of the unknown or perhaps fear of how to pay for it? Or are you concerned about your abilities to get him ready for the academic load of college? OR perhaps the weight of making decisions about the "right" college? Take a break to think about what you are actually anxious about and those of us who have been through it will do our best to help you overcome the anxiety and plunge in!

Blessings,

April (who is acquainted with anxiety - driving on crowded freeways!)

[FrogMom5]

Thanks April. Yes, I do need to think it through more and get beyond it. It's so unlike me. If I have a problem, I solve it. It won't get solved on it's own. So, this is unusual for me.

 

I think I fear messing up his career opportunities by choosing the wrong college, not preparing him well enough to do the work and him not getting in due to the competitive level of getting into college.

 

For background - when he was little he had lots of sensory issues. He even earned an Autism label through the school system for a time. He lost the label and it didn't really fit. But, I spent the first several yrs. of homeschooling focusing more on therapies and treatments than academics. That's fine b/c he's in pretty good shape now. But, it put us behind, mostly in writing. Combine that with mistakes I made, like using the wrong math program for him and it makes me feel like he is not as prepared as he should be.

 

He wants to study physics and math. To enter those majors, he needs to be above average in math, science and writing. The colleges I've checked have stringent requirements for those majors and I just don't know if he'll make it. I know we still have time but I don't know if it's enough time. And, he's slower than average at getting work done. :tongue_smilie:

Those are my fears. It sounds ridiculous yet, I can't shake it. Maybe I need more Tension Tamer tea? I want to return to my calm, level-headed self.

Denise

P.S. I used to drive on crowded freeways too! Where I live now, three cars make a traffic jam!

Edited October 4, 2011 by FrogMom5

[Sunshine State Sue]

I think I fear messing up his career opportunities by choosing the wrong college, not preparing him well enough to do the work and him not getting in due to the competitive level of getting into college.

Hi Denise,

 

When I first started hs'ing, I took the weight of my son's education on my shoulders. I thought I had to teach math, english, history, science, pe, music, art, and a foreign language to a K'er. I would consider homeschooling a success only if my son was hs'ed through high school and was accepted into an Ivy league school. No wonder I was petrified. Over responsible, over achiever, that's me.

 

Let me address the issues you have stated:

1. Choosing the wrong college. IMHO, it is not your responsibility to choose the college. I would certainly help my son assess the possibilities (he would likely not do so otherwise), but he gets to choose.
   
2. Not preparing him well enough to do the work. IMHO, looking at the curriculum in your signature line, you are doing fine. Yes, the writing needs to be worked on.
   
3. The competitive level of getting into college. There are all sorts of colleges out there. Less competitive to more competitive. My son will likely attend a college that is less competitive than I would like, but fine for him.
   

 

I have a degree in math. My son excels in math, but has no passion for it. His passion is for basketball. If I got to choose where he went to college, he'd go to Georgia Tech, the closest school geographically for the kind of education I would like. I will admit that I have a long history myself of not being such of a wonderful writer. Let's just say that my son is getting a lot more opportunities to improve in that area.

 

Have you done any testing with your son? My son took the ACT (without writing) at the end of 9th grade. The score report provides the student's ranking in FL. It gave me a good idea that he will have no problem getting in many colleges. That may help to ease your fears.

 

I see that you are in NW FL. How are the schools there? They are abysmal here. A friend of mine just sent me a link to the AP scores by high school for 2011. Georgia Tech accepts a 4 or a 5 for AP Calculus AB. At our local hs, 14/41 (34%) students scored that high. 4/84 (5%) students scored a 4/5 on the AP US History exam.

 

I am a bit enamored by Berry College in GA. The writing portion of the ACT is optional there. ;) They offer math and physics, which are general enough to be offered most places, I would think.

 

I don't know if this has helped or not. I do understand the fears. I know I've seen other moms on the hs board talk about sleepless nights. You are not alone.

 

:grouphug:

Edited October 4, 2011 by Sue in St Pete

[K-FL]

I agree w/Sue in that you should have him take the ACT/SAT sooner rather than later. If your worries are if he'll be able to handle college classes, have him take one or two under dual enrollment. That way, you both get a feel for college classes & if he stays in-state, he'll be done with that class.

[regentrude]

I think I fear messing up his career opportunities by choosing the wrong college, not preparing him well enough to do the work and him not getting in due to the competitive level of getting into college.

 

I think there is way too much hype about "the right college" and "getting into college".

It is impossible to say what will be "the right" college. Actually, I would even dispute that "THE right college" exists. How much a student gets out of college depends to a large extent on the student: one can go to a stellar school and receive a mediocre education because one does not apply himself, and one can attend an average state school and receive an excellent education because one is working hard and seeking out opportunities. The student's initiative and work ethic are far more important than the label of the school.

 

There are all kinds of colleges. There are good public universities which give the students a solid education and which are nowhere as selective as the highly selective Ivies. There are community colleges for students who need the extra preparation and can not make the leap to a 4 year school right away. If your son wants to go to college, he will get in. Not necessarily the most selective school, but a school that gives him a good education.

 

The only thing you can control is his preparation, and I think you are doing fine, judging from the curriculum in your signature.

 

I tend to worry about the same things, but I tell myself to relax because, as a college instructor in a public university, I see all kinds of students. I see students who had been admitted to an Ivy but choose to come to us because of cost. I see students who have come as transfers from community colleges. Some students do well, some fail, (and if so, mostly because of work ethic). I see students go above and beyond, seeking out research opportunities as undergraduates and graduating with scientific publications in their name or with teaching experience because they tutored. I firmly believe the education a student gets is what he makes of it - not what the name of the school is.

That, to me, takes a lot of pressure off.

Edited October 4, 2011 by regentrude

[FrogMom5]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I do need to relax or I won't be focused enough to teach him what he needs to know.

 

The ps here are not good and the closest private high school is almost 1 1/2 hrs. from here, one way. I will have him take the SAT and ACT this spring. And, he'll take dual enrollment classes next yr. We are outsourcing one class this yr., Amer. Govt., and I am looking at outsourcing more next yr.

 

I am an info. gatherer and sometimes I gather too much, mash it together and then overwhelm myself. Osmosis Mom mentioned letting go of perfectionist tendencies in another thread. In the homeschool area, I do try to choose the perfect curriculum and then execute it perfectly. No one can do that. Mistakes can turn out to be helpful but trying to be perfect usually sets one up for failure. I know this cognitively, just not emotionally. This is the child I've always felt I messed up on. Well, he's my first.

 

Thanks for the tips, I will use them, and the pep talk. I'm going to take some time to regroup and get myself in order. Thanks for listening and giving me support. I hope I can return the favor one day. You ladies are great!

Denise

[Amy in TX]

I know I've seen other moms on the hs board talk about sleepless nights.

 

That would be me. :)

 

You are certainly not alone. I've been having midnight panics lately and coming here to be talked down.

 

First I panicked about dd passing the test to take dual-credit cc courses. Then I panicked about the overwhelmingly fast pace of college courses, which she is not used to. (She's still struggling with that and I'm still panicking, lol.)

 

Among all the helpful advice I've gotten here, what I would pass on to you right now is that we will make mistakes with our kids, and they will be okay.

 

You're doing a good job. :grouphug:

[Amy in TX]

How much a student gets out of college depends to a large extent on the student: one can go to a stellar school and receive a mediocre education because one does not apply himself, and one can attend an average state school and receive an excellent education because one is working hard and seeking out opportunities. The student's initiative and work ethic are far more important than the label of the school.

 

<snip>

 

I firmly believe the education a student gets is what he makes of it - not what the name of the school is.

That, to me, takes a lot of pressure off.

 

Very, very important and well-said. Thank you for reminding us/me of this.