Dealing with Uncomfortable Teacher Situation

[AmyinMD]

Maybe I should have posted this on Special Needs but it deals more with the teacher. I homeschool my 5 older children and I send my son with Autism to public school.

 

I have always tried to be as friendly as possible with ds's teacher but every time I see her it is awkward. I first met her at ds's eligibility IEP meeting and the Child Find coordinator brought up that I homeschool in the middle of the meeting which wasn't very well received. When I brought ds to meet the class a few days later she made some comment about homeschooling being a lot of work and asked a couple uncomfortable homeschool questions about it I tried to avoid best I could. I saw her again at ds's next IEP meeting. He was supposed to get a conference before that but she flat out refused because he was having an IEP meeting. When we got to the IEP meeting she said she could answer any class specific questions after the meeting but after the meeting she just walked back to her classroom and didn't offer to answer any questions. She may have just thought they were answered during the meeting but I left kind of frustrated because I did have more questions. At the end of May I requested a conference because I felt I didn't know how ds was doing. IEP meetings do not really give you a good idea and she rarely sends home ds's notebook (he is functionally nonverbal). She stopped sending home newsletters at the end of February so I really had no idea what they were working on unless ds brought an art project home. She didn't want to do a conference in May (said he'd get one in October) but did let me come observe ds in class one day. I brought a nice thank you gift and note to try to break the ice. It was then I realized how completely tuned out he was. He seems to be shutting down in class. His private OT thinks it's because his sensory needs aren't being met. It was so close to the end of the year to try to do anything about it.

 

Yesterday the school had an Open House for ds's Pre-K class. Ds had ESY in July but hadn't been into the school in a month nor had he seen his regular teachers since the beginning of June. I thought it might ease the transition to bring him to the open house. I even brought a bag full of wet wipes and tissues to donate. Those are hard to send with ds on the bus. When we got there the teacher told us the open house was for new students that hadn't visited the class before so it made me feel like we weren't welcome to be there. The note mentioning the open house on the school's website did not mention anything about only being for new students. I did see some of the other special ed kids there including one of the girls that was in his ESY program so I wasn't the only one that brought a returning child to the open house. I wound up getting to talk to the 2 classroom assistants for a bit which made it worth the trip. They are the main ones dealing with ds but our district doesn't allow parents to contact assistants directly. We must deal with the teacher.

 

During July I had asked the Vice Principal if it would be possible to have my son's private OT observe him in class and to have the district's Autism Codre observe him. She seemed agreeable to both and it sounded like she mentioned it to the classroom teacher but when we were at Open House yesterday ds's teacher kept saying his progress was good and that he didn't qualify for any school based OT. My request was not even for school OT but for sensory breaks. I had not planned to mention anything about it at open house as it wasn't really the time or place to discuss something serious like that. The teacher brought it up.

 

This is one of my son's IEP objectives that the teacher counts him making good progress on. There are 5 of them and they are all pretty similar in regard to progress. He'd been working on the goals 4.5 months at the time the update was written. If they say there isn't sufficient progress there has to be an IEP meeting to address why which is why we think the school is trying to claim progress when there is none.

 

Goal: J will stay in a designated area during circle time, he will imitate actions to songs and fingerplays, he will complete calendar/weather activities and other early learning activities, and he will take and wait for his turn.

 

Progress as of 6/5: With maximum adult support, J will stay in our circle area during whole group instruction. He does not imitate his peers movements or action during familiar songs. His face does not reflect engagement or offer a reactions during the course of our circle time. His physical responses are limited with a high level of support required to complete a task. He seems very tired most days.

 

We have just hired an education advocate to try to get some changes to IEP and hopefully more accommodations for ds. From observing in class they will have an assistant sit directly behind him that put his hands through the motions for him. This is the high level of support mentioned. They are basically doing it for him. We also do not think he is tired but tuned out. He is not a great sleeper but not generally tired most days. He goes in the afternoons and I let him sleep until he wakes up himself. He hasn't napped in a long time either.

 

I'm wondering how to best deal with the teacher through all of this. I know she's not going to be thrilled when she gets our advocate's request to observe the class and I'm anticipating some pretty uncomfortable IEP meetings soon. I'd like to maintain the best relationship possible because ds will be in her classroom the next 2 years. She seems like one of those teachers that is really great with the kids but not so good with the parents. The couple times I've been in there during class time it really seems like she has it very well organized and lots of fun things for the kids to do. The only option for moving my son would be to put him in the severe Autism classroom which I really don't want to do. My son is considered moderate functioning and not aggressive. The severe class is mainly for children that are aggressive or other severe behavior issues which my ds does not have. The class he's in now seems set up for higher functioning kids than him. His current class is 5 NT kids and 4 special needs kids with 1 teacher and 2 assistants. He requires a one on one aide so I cannot afford any private options. I really do want to leave him in school right now. I do not think I could homeschool my other kids without him in school. He is so high needs and gets into everything (he figured out how to dump everything out of the freezer this weekend and then climbed in to try to get something off the top of the fridge). He does this kind of thing all the time. He's really smart when it comes to getting into things. We get so much done in the 3 hours he's away at school. I'm not looking to it as free babysitting either. I want ds to get something out of it.

[Roadrunner]

:grouphug:

[jenbrdsly]

What a tough situation! My own extended family has ASD, so I can really empathize. I also use to do ABA therapy with two little boys when I was in college.

 

Have you heard of the Parents Helping Parents website? It's based in CA, but all of their education regarding IEP laws should be helpful. You probably already know this, but legally you are allowed to call an IEP meeting anytime you wish. So if something is not working for your son right now, and you feel ill at ease, you can call an immediate IEP to address the situation. I've seen parents bring a plate of muffins to share (and a tape recorder) to IEP meetings they thought might be difficult. It is also possible that your insurance might have somebody to go to IEP meetings with you. In CA, Kaiser Permanente use to offer that service.

 

Homeschool parent communication is an essential part of any teacher's job description, whether or not they are a mainstream teacher or special ed. At the very least, in a mainstream classroom a teacher would be sending out a monthly newsletter or email. When I was a mainstream teacher, I sent out a detailed classroom email every week. With a special ed class, homeschool communication is even more essential because of the non verbal issue.

 

Question: Is the school district paying for the one-on-one aide? (The answer to that is hopefully yes!) :001_smile:

 

When I was a mainstream teacher, I had two children with ASD and both of them had aides. It was in the aide's job description to write down a brief description of the day in a parent communication journal that the mom could read whenever she wanted. As the classroom teacher, I made sure that this was written in to my students' IEPs.

 

I realize that you are a homeschooling family, so as a former public school teacher please let me assure it is 100% acceptable to expect that your child's classroom teacher makes you feel welcome, and clearly communicates to you on a regular basis. If that's not happening you should talk to the principal.

Edited August 27, 2011 by jenbrdsly

[HeidiKC]

I don't have any advice but wanted to say I'm so sorry this has been difficult, and you sound very nice and patient - and that you're doing the right thing for your son. That is HORRIBLE that she greeted you at the Open House with the news that it was for new students! So what if it was, anyway? That is not something you point out to someone who has just arrived. It's not as if there are only a certain number of spots for attendees! Sounds like she's somewhat unskilled socially, and that is probably creating some of the difficulties.

 

This probably isn't helpful, but I'd just continue to kill her with kindness to start with. See how that goes. I am confused as to whether this is the 2nd year with the same teacher?

 

I wish you the best!

[Slipper]

.... I first met her at ds's eligibility IEP meeting and the Child Find coordinator brought up that I homeschool in the middle of the meeting which wasn't very well received. When I brought ds to meet the class a few days later she made some comment about homeschooling being a lot of work and asked a couple uncomfortable homeschool questions about it I tried to avoid best I could.

 

It's possible that she feels threatened by you home-schooling. Some teachers are uncomfortable with parents 'thinking' they are 'as good as' a teacher.

 

I saw her again at ds's next IEP meeting. He was supposed to get a conference before that but she flat out refused because he was having an IEP meeting. When we got to the IEP meeting she said she could answer any class specific questions after the meeting but after the meeting she just walked back to her classroom and didn't offer to answer any questions. She may have just thought they were answered during the meeting but I left kind of frustrated because I did have more questions. At the end of May I requested a conference because I felt I didn't know how ds was doing. IEP meetings do not really give you a good idea and she rarely sends home ds's notebook (he is functionally nonverbal). She stopped sending home newsletters at the end of February so I really had no idea what they were working on unless ds brought an art project home. She didn't want to do a conference in May (said he'd get one in October) but did let me come observe ds in class one day.

 

Somewhere on the first or second page of your IEP, it says something about how frequently progress will be sent home to parents. Typically it follows the report card timing for your school. You can, however, request it more frequently. For example - "Because J is non-verbal, a daily progress report provided by the parent will be sent home daily. A detailed progress report will be provided every 4.5 weeks. A parent/teacher conferenced will be scheduled every 9 weeks to provide information to the parent." If they ask you why or state they can't do that, smile and tell them that you do not believe you can be a participating IEP member without that information. (They are not allowed to prevent you from being an IEP member and if you need info, you need info and they need to provide it.

 

 

 

When we got there the teacher told us the open house was for new students that hadn't visited the class before so it made me feel like we weren't welcome to be there.

 

In determining ESY, plan for this transition and have it written into J's ESY services. "To ease transition, J will be allowed to attend open house prior to the start of school." You can also request that the week before school, J is allowed to have schoolwork with his teacher (or any teacher) in his classroom for a few hours to prepare for the start of school.

 

....but when we were at Open House yesterday ds's teacher kept saying his progress was good ant he didn't qualify for any school based OT.

Ask for data regarding his progress. Ask specifically for his testing regarding Occupational Therapy that was done by the school. If there is no testing, write a nice note and request it. If they did do it, you can dispute their findings and request an out of district therapist to test him. Your son may qualify for OT although many schools try to refuse it.

 

Goal: J will stay in a designated area during circle time, he will imitate actions to songs and fingerplays, he will complete calendar/weather activities and other early learning activities, and he will take and wait for his turn.

 

Progress as of 6/5: With maximum adult support, J will stay in our circle area during whole group instruction. He does not imitate his peers movements or action during familiar songs. His face does not reflect engagement or offer a reactions during the course of our circle time. His physical responses are limited with a high level of support required to complete a task. He seems very tired most days.

 

 

In my opinion, that's not a very good goal. Goals should be specific, measurable. 'J will stay in circle time for 15 minutes without trying to leave with verbal prompting of 'J sit down please' by teacher for four out of five days.' 'J will learn the 12 months of the year and be able to participate in circle time activities with verbal and physical prompts for four out of five days.' 'J will learn what holidays are associated with the months of the calendar year, etc'

 

If possible, start reading up at wrightslaw.com and look around your state for advocacy training classes. Figure out what your son needs and write goals and request they be addressed in his IEP. It sounds like your school is very cautious and not open to a lot of parent input. You may have to push for that. The advocate sounds like a great idea.

 

 

I'm wondering how to best deal with the teacher through all of this. I know she's not going to be thrilled when she gets our advocate's request to observe the class and I'm anticipating some pretty uncomfortable IEP meetings soon. I'd like to maintain the best relationship possible because ds will be in her classroom the next 2 years. She seems like one of those teachers that is really great with the kids but not so good with the parents. The couple times I've been in there during class time it really seems like she has it very well organized and lots of fun things for the kids to do.

 

The only thing I can think of is to send a nice note (and maybe some type of dessert item - brownies, cookies, etc). Dear Mrs. 'Jones', I am very happy that my son, J, is in your class. From previous observations I have noticed that you are very organized and your class appears to be a fun place for kids to be. I'm sure you've noticed that J seems to be a bit off-track during school time and we are very concerned about him. We have asked a consultant to observe his time at school and provide suggestions for us all. I hope you do not construe this observation to be a criticism of your teaching methods. Please know that I appreciate all you do for my son and your work for other children with disabilities. I hope that together we can make this a wonderful year for J! If there is anything I can do to help or if you need any classroom supplies, I hope you do not hesitate to call me. Sincerely, J's mom.

 

Something like that. Be up front that it is happening but firm that changes are coming. Some teachers take this type of thing personally, so assuring them that it's not personal is the best you can do.

 

All the best,

Slipper

[MeganW]

If the therapist is willing to go to the school and observe, just be casual about it! "J's therapist wants to observe him in class so she can tailor her sessions to focus on his greatest needs". Don't make it seem like you are expecting the teacher or school to change anything - present it as SOLELY for the therapist, so she can work around the school.

 

It seems very reasonable to ask for a LOT more communication from the school. I got a LOT more feedback than that both when my kids were in regular preschool, as well as when we were in a program for delayed kids that had 20 kids in the classroom and only 2 adults!

 

Does he have a folder that goes back and forth daily? I would just ask for a brief note every day. "J had a great day today - he participated in circle time for x minutes before needing redirection!" or "J seemed tired today beginning after art at 10" would be sufficient to give you insight as to where he is making progress and where he still has room for improvement, as well as provide you with a chance to respond. "J has had plenty of sleep lately. I wonder if perhaps he was having some sensory overload issues? His therapist has us trying a weighted vest at home - I will send it to school. If you could have it wear it for 15 minutes prior to circle time, that would be great!"

[Alessandra]

We have just hired an education advocate to try to get some changes to IEP and hopefully more accommodations for ds.

I was going to suggest this.

 

She seems like one of those teachers that is really great with the kids but not so good with the parents. The couple times I've been in there during class time it really seems like she has it very well organized and lots of fun things for the kids to do. The only option for moving my son would be to put him in the severe Autism classroom which I really don't want to do.

The teacher is good with kids, but not so good with parents -- much better than the other way round!

 

 

Agreeing with the other posters who suggested a take home folder or composition book. We had this in pre K and it was a big help for day to day comments.

 

Conferences -- I guess they do need to be written into the IEP. But you might also check your district's or school's website -- in my area, at least, there is a written policy that says parents may have conferences at any time.

 

Observations. Sometimes it helps to write a formal letter to the principal, asking for permission to observe.

 

Parent groups. Are there any special needs parent groups in your school/district. (Our group meets by itself and with the district staff.) Often preschool parents don't find out about these until their kids are older. If there is a group, I would make a giant effort to go to meetings. In many states, when the state evaluates special education, one of the things they look at is how well the district communicates with parents.

 

If there is no school/district group in your area, perhaps you could join one of the autism groups, or go to meetings/lectures (often given by/attended by special ed professionals). It is a big help when you can establish a relationship with school personnel outside of your child's specific needs.