sometimes I feel soooo disconnected....

[SweetMissMagnolia]

from my child--he's 8 asperger's-adhd (probably a few other issues we haven't labeled yet)--some days it's just like he's looking at me with a blank stare--I wonder if anything I'm saying actually gets into that head you know? we're having discapline issues and talking back issues we're dealing with and it just seems like nothing is working--education wise I know he is learning,that's not our problem area...LOL having a bad morning here-guess I'm just throwing a pity party LOL ..... :glare:

[Dobela]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[MamaSheep]

OH. Been there. Many hugs. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Asperger's kids are HARD sometimes. It can be like living with a hostile wall. It's like they retreat somewhere inside themselves, and the eyes only function as a security system, not as any form of communication device. You can tell they're IN there, you just can't quite REACH. And a lot of the standard parenting techniques just don't seem to have any impact whatsoever. And if you trip the alarm...well...nothing good comes out of that. It can be incredibly frustrating.

 

Hang in there, though. There's a good chance it will get better over time. So far four and nine have been the hardest ages around here. Is your son nearly nine, by any chance? My dd is creeping up on nine. She's always been my sweet, cheerful, "easy" child who was a joy to have around, but she is starting to drive me up the wall lately. She's developed this weird, very uncharacteristic bossy know-it-all streak that I haven't seen in her since...well, since she was four. But I recognize it from when ds was nine. I am not a fan of nine year-olds. My 13 year-old Aspie, on the other hand, has mellowed out a LOT and is a reasonably responsible, laid-back kind of guy most of the time. He still has melt-downs now and again, but they are much milder (just a bit of over-the-top griping mostly, no more screaming, flailing fits) and don't last nearly as long as they used to. And he still does really weird things sometimes that no rational human being would do (I'm not sure if that's the autism or the "13" coming out). But there actually was a mostly reasonable human being hiding under that wacko I lived with when he was nine.

Edited March 29, 2011 by MamaSheep

[merry gardens]

from my child--he's 8 asperger's-adhd (probably a few other issues we haven't labeled yet)--some days it's just like he's looking at me with a blank stare--I wonder if anything I'm saying actually gets into that head you know? we're having discapline issues and talking back issues we're dealing with and it just seems like nothing is working--education wise I know he is learning,that's not our problem area...LOL having a bad morning here-guess I'm just throwing a pity party LOL ..... :glare:

Woo-hoo a party! :party:

 

Oh wait--that's not the type of party you meant.:grouphug:

 

Might I suggest the book, "Thinking about Language". I'm reading it right now and it's great. Words (and word order, and tone and body language and more) are how we communicate--yet some people have problems understanding these things. If your son is staring at you with blank stares, and you are wondering if he's understanding you, there's a possibility that he's not understanding you.

 

Now let's get back to that party!

[tenoraddict]

:grouphug: from a mom with 3 SPD boys. Take a deep cleansing breath. And maybe a bath tonight. And a glass of wine after that bath if you're so inclined. ;)

 

Have you had Zachary evaluated by an occupational therapist who specializes in Aspies/autism/SPD? Our boys were misdiagnosed by PhD's as ADHD and ODD. We had them evaluated by an OT, who correctly diagnosed them with SPD, and they've been in therapy on and off since Sept. It's made an amazing difference.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

OH. Been there. Many hugs. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Asperger's kids are HARD sometimes. It can be like living with a hostile wall. It's like they retreat somewhere inside themselves, and the eyes only function as a security system, not as any form of communication device. You can tell they're IN there, you just can't quite REACH. And a lot of the standard parenting techniques just don't seem to have any impact whatsoever. And if you trip the alarm...well...nothing good comes out of that. It can be incredibly frustrating.

 

Hang in there, though. There's a good chance it will get better over time. So far four and nine have been the hardest ages around here. Is your son nearly nine, by any chance? My dd is creeping up on nine. She's always been my sweet, cheerful, "easy" child who was a joy to have around, but she is starting to drive me up the wall lately. She's developed this weird, very uncharacteristic bossy know-it-all streak that I haven't seen in her since...well, since she was four. But I recognize it from when ds was nine. I am not a fan of nine year-olds. My 13 year-old Aspie, on the other hand, has mellowed out a LOT and is a reasonably responsible, laid-back kind of guy most of the time. He still has melt-downs now and again, but they are much milder (just a bit of over-the-top griping mostly, no more screaming, flailing fits) and don't last nearly as long as they used to. And he still does really weird things sometimes that no rational human being would do (I'm not sure if that's the autism or the "13" coming out). But there actually was a mostly reasonable human being hiding under that wacko I lived with when he was nine.

 

thanks so much....it's good to hear from those who have btdt......Zach turned 8 in dec'10---oh my he's had the know it all streak for a few years now LOL.....

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:grouphug: from a mom with 3 SPD boys. Take a deep cleansing breath. And maybe a bath tonight. And a glass of wine after that bath if you're so inclined. ;)

 

Have you had Zachary evaluated by an occupational therapist who specializes in Aspies/autism/SPD? Our boys were misdiagnosed by PhD's as ADHD and ODD. We had them evaluated by an OT, who correctly diagnosed them with SPD, and they've been in therapy on and off since Sept. It's made an amazing difference.

 

we're kinda limited in our town-we are seeing what she calls herself a PEDIATRIC BEHAVIOR SPECIALIST....not sure what all that entails...I'll have to look up SPD LOL I'm not sure what that means...I've ordered a few books that I'm hoping will give me more tips/coping skills for both of us....I'm going to talk to our dr when we go back in a few days and see if she thinks he has other issues too-I've been reading another book on autism and have asked myself "hmmm does this sound like zach?"....hubby wants us to see if we can find another dr but I'm afraid that would be like 100+mile drive to both of the other cities that I've heard have special drs/programs for autistic kids....thanks for reply.....

[SweetMissMagnolia]

Woo-hoo a party! :party:

 

Oh wait--that's not the type of party you meant.:grouphug:

 

Might I suggest the book, "Thinking about Language". I'm reading it right now and it's great. Words (and word order, and tone and body language and more) are how we communicate--yet some people have problems understanding these things. If your son is staring at you with blank stares, and you are wondering if he's understanding you, there's a possibility that he's not understanding you.

 

Now let's get back to that party!

 

LOL those smileys made me laugh---so far I've just noticed the "eye" thing twice but now that I've seen it I'm going to pay more attention and see if it's happening more....it was like he was drugged or something --SERIOUSLY his eyes were half open and I could barely see the colored part of his eye....and I mean he doesn't have eye problems---caught me way off guard.....I'll have to see about finding that book....I've noticed/figured out (duh) that the calmer he is the better he is at listening to me (obviously right?) but I mean how do you get through to them when they are in the middle of a tantrum/fit? it's like everything I say/try to do makes it worse......and he's real literal (has always been)-has trouble understanding if something is serious or a joke so I know sometimes he has that issue but I didn't think it was happening at other times too..........

[SweetMissMagnolia]

going to be busy with reading as soon as my books come in-plus the ones I already have I've been skimming through them again--going to look up some of the books mentioned here and in other TWTM forums--this place is such a wonderful place for people to connect not just on HSing but on SN kids.........

 

**Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

**Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children/Adults-adhd,bipolar,ocd,asperger's,depression and other disorders

**Setting limits with your strong willed child

**Rewards for kids-charts and activities for positive parenting

**Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety

**The ADHD Autism Connection (very helpful)

[moriah]

My son is 10 and when he doesn't get alot of exercise is basically running jumping pacing repeating, talking driving me nuts! This winter has been the worst because in our part of the country we have had a ton of snow. He has in the past pushed the snow off the tramp outside and used the tramp with snow pants and coat, 2 pairs of socks.

My son has Asp. and ADHD, he needs lots and lots and lots of physical. I teach for a bit, he goes on the tramp, the tramp is like a hamster wheel really. It takes all day sometimes evening too to get school done because he really needs breaks etc. I have discovery ed streaming (which is ed movies that are all pretty short and are at a number of different ed levels). This helps to put one of these on after seat work too because he is very visual. If your son isn't getting a physical outlet throughout the day I would try to focus on getting that. I understand that this issue gets better as they get older, (or I am a hopeless optimist). Hang in there, Moriah.

[elise1mds]

I feel your pain, too. My son turns 8 1/2 next week. The attitude needs adjusting, BADLY. I called his ped today and am putting him back on the ADHD meds soon because I can't take it any more. It took him till 1 p.m. to do school on Wednesday. Usually we're done by 10:30, 11 at the latest (I say that... we're still working today and it's 11:42 a.m.... but that's largely due to the mentality I'm dealing with). The attitude and the know-it-all-ness and the sheer lack of focus are about to drive me off the deep end. I do believe I'll join you in that pity party, if that's quite all right. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[teach3blessings]

May I join that pity party, too?:grouphug:

My dd Aspie is almost 11. The attitudes and disrespect/talking back are getting to be a big problem. This, coupled with the fits in which she often

lashes out physically, have me exhausted.

She started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago and we have much hope for improvement.

One resource I have found helpful (sometimes just small nuggets, but still helpful/insightful) is www.myaspergerschild.com.

[merry gardens]

LOL those smileys made me laugh---so far I've just noticed the "eye" thing twice but now that I've seen it I'm going to pay more attention and see if it's happening more....it was like he was drugged or something --SERIOUSLY his eyes were half open and I could barely see the colored part of his eye....and I mean he doesn't have eye problems---caught me way off guard.....I'll have to see about finding that book....I've noticed/figured out (duh) that the calmer he is the better he is at listening to me (obviously right?) but I mean how do you get through to them when they are in the middle of a tantrum/fit? it's like everything I say/try to do makes it worse......and he's real literal (has always been)-has trouble understanding if something is serious or a joke so I know sometimes he has that issue but I didn't think it was happening at other times too..........

:grouphug:

I suggest you mention that "eye thing" to his doctor. There could be something going on medically causing that.

 

Now that you described further what you meant by "stare at you blankly", it doesn't sound like simply a child who didn't understand what you were saying. The book I recommended is a teacher's manual that goes into detail of various language problems that students with special needs may have. It's an education book, not a medical book. Most children with autism spectrum disorders do have problems with some aspect of language and behavior, but they can also have medical problems. Those medical problems may be either connected or totally unrelated to their other diagnosis. Blank staring with eyes half-closed while looking drugged seems like something definately worth mentioning to his doctor.

Edited April 1, 2011 by merry gardens