Sensitive Question - How to respond when you've decided to hold a dc back?

[rafiki]

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[ZooRho]

Haven't totally been in your situation.

we had a foster child we hsed. We held the child back. Child was also young for the grade and and some other issues.

 

So where will it matter what grade he is in? Will you change his grade in other group situations like church or Boy scouts or other activities. I know many around here are based on age not grade.

 

I don't know that I would really stress. He is just doing the work he needs to do to succeed in life.

 

I'm in VA and we just had a discussion with someone who had advanced kids, we still said leave them in the grade with age mates for reporting.

 

So for you do you have to report? What has to be on the report to the state?

[rafiki]

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[ZooRho]

We do have to report to our local school district. We also have testing requirements in which he didn't meet. I could be placed on probation if I don't hold him back. As far as teaching, we'll continue to teach him where he's at when he's there, nothing will change. With activities, his goes by levels, not age or grade, so he's fine. It's our community that seems to define or label by grade.

I would contact your state hsing ORG or HSLDA, I know HSLDA has a special needs person.

 

Do you have to do Testing? In VA you can test or you can have a portfolio review, even in testing you just have to show your child is making progress.

 

For our foster child we just kept the same grade on the report we did the next year. No questions asked.

 

If it is your youngest I wouldn't worry too much about the grade stuff just yet either with those around you. I know people have said Grade 1 B. instead of that they are repeating the grade.

 

I hope some others with more experience hop in. I will say I didn't get a lot of what grade are they in when they were younger.

[RamonaQ]

I know when this question was asked before by Shari (I think), you can search, there were some really good responses. I really liked the one that you blame yourself. You made the mistake, you pushed too hard, too fast....Don't know if that works in your situation.

[Nature]

Are you saying that you’re required to hold him back? Is it because he didn’t past the grade level test? Can I ask what state you are from? I’ve never heard that requirement. There will always be some special need students who won’t be able to pass a grade level tests, yet would still be able to graduate. Many special needs children graduate even thought they have not successfully completed a full 12th grade curriculum. Everyone is on their own path.

 

I’m in MN and we can give our special needs children a test several years below their reported grade level if that’s the level we think they are at.

 

As homeschoolers, I always thought that grade doesn’t really matter. My son has Asperger’s and learning disabilities and he’s not working at grade level. I think I will probably end up keeping him at home another year or two after his official 12th grade, but I don’t think of it as holding him back. It’s not uncommon for homeschoolers to keep their children (not exclusively special needs) home a little longer to participate in PSEO.

 

The reason I would keep him home (vs. having him graduate) is that he really wants to go to college. It may be that he still be ready for college, but I have high hopes

 

We do have to report to our local school district. We also have testing requirements in which he didn't meet. I could be placed on probation if I don't hold him back.

[rafiki]

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[Crimson Wife]

What about officially terming it a "transition" year between X and Y?

 

It is very, very common here in both the public and private schools to have an official "transition" class between K & 1, 5th & 6th, or 8th & 9th. It isn't exactly retention because they aren't in with younger kids and the material isn't a repeat. Mostly it's a maturity issue. CA has a December cutoff and many of the fall birthday kids (especially boys) who start when they are not-quite-5 wind up needing an extra year along the way. My November birthday DS will probably do "transition" next year rather than 1st.

[SonshineLearner]

Well, I can tell you what my child is... He's registered as a 1st grader, but for all other reasons... in 2nd. I saw everyone else holding boys back.. and didn't want him tested against kids who were sometimes way over a year older than him. So, you can call him whatever grade he would be at "age wise" for Sunday School and such... and then... "test wise/school registration" put down where he is educationally....

 

:)

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[siloam]

I don't remember it being a big deal when I was held back. The school stated it was for maturity reasons. Personally I think it was the dyslexia. I can remember being called on to go through my phonics out loud in front of the class and I remember totally freezing. Couldn't remember a thing. The next year the teacher didn't do things in front of the class like that and I learned to read and passed the grade.

 

Heather

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I had my ds who is advanced academically do 6th grade twice for maturity reasons and it was a non-issue. Nobody in our family or circle of friends paid any attention to what grade they were in and most of the time they (my children) didn't know either so it never really came up. He did know and was actually excited about it. His excited response was, "I'm in 6th grade but have a 7th grade brain!":lol: We did the same with our oldest ds as well for maturity reasons. He was in 7th (they are a year apart and we did it the same year). He wasn't excited like his brother but wasn't upset. Basically he didn't care and didn't know why it even mattered what grade a person was in, and often forgot what grade he was in.

 

At any rate, it was a non-issue for both our boys and they were plenty old enough to know what was happening. I hope it works out the same for you!!

[Splash]

We looked at it as what age, maturity level, etc do we want them to be in high school. Also dd had/has friends that were all in the grade below her so we used friends as an excuse. (she's dyslexic) It has worked out great.

 

Currently we're looking at adjusting grade for younger dd who is very bright and doing great academically but is very immature, small and young for her grade. I think she'll do better in high school if we wait a year.

 

We also talk a lot about no matter what grade they are in we'll continue with course work that is appropriate for them.

[Dobela]

Eventually someone is going to ask what grade the kids are in, etc. I don't want to be caught in a pickle.

 

How do I respond to siblings and family?

You respond honestly. The child is not ready to move on. You are switching gears, changing curriculums, researching how you can help, and so on.

What do I tell dear son? That he is smart, is capapble of learning, and that you want him to be the best he can be. Because of that you are repeating some things for a better foundation for the future, you are changing what you are doing to help him succeed.

 

It's not that he's not trying. He has challenges and we're getting him the help he needs. So tell him that. Tell him you were not prepared for his challenges and it has taken you some time to learn what you needed to know to find the appropriate help.

 

He's such a lively, happy, funny, and carefree child. I'm not sure what to expect. There may be dissapointment, some embarassment, and some relief. Surely he has been frustrated all this time as well.

 

How do you get over the guilt that you've failed him or you're the one holding him back? In my heart I know it's the best long term decision, but it'd be easier to digest coming from a teacher, not mom.

My son is working about 2 grade levels below his peers in some areas. I didn't discover his vision issue until he was 8. Then it took nearly 2 years of therapies to get his vision working and him reading. On paperwork, intent forms, I have him a grade level below. He knows it is because I have to give a grade level and that I feel that is the one he is working best at. It only really effects him once a year for standardized testing situations. He knows that if he really wants to we can cover 2 years in one if we both really work hard. In situations like church classes, community activities, homeschool activities he is with same aged peers, not where he works academically. They have no idea that he is 'behind' or that I held him back academically. I think that is one advantage of homeschool. If he was in public school, it would be known by all that he wasn't promoted because he would have 30+ peers realize he didn't move up a grade with them and another 30+ peers that he would have to tell he wasn't new to the school. Because he is at home, my holding him back hasn't made a huge difference. I am sure that his self esteem is somewhat effected, but he was telilng himself he was stupid because he couldn't read before we could find out why. In our day to day lives, he works at what he can where he can. Yep, he has a different way of learning and has had some challenges.

 

My son has struggled occassionally with the idea of being behind. My parents have been very upset with me. My son though knows that I tried several curriculums. I took him to therapies. I never stopped trying to find what worked. Believe me, I have felt guilt though. Goodness I was once a special ed teacher and I couldn't figure out what to do for 2 years. When my son has struggled I have reminded him that it is really no business of anyone else what grade level work he is doing. So what if his reader says grade 3? It is a higher level than last year. He is moving faster than ever. No one outside of our home has to know that his reader says grade 3.

 

:grouphug: I know it hurts. I know it feels like failure. I know i felt stupid for a time. Nurturing those feelings though don't help make it thru the day or the next level. So now you know what you need to do differently. You understand your child much better than before. Be thankful. You now have the advantage that many parents never have. Your teaching and efforts will be more fruitful than in the past. Keep looking forward.

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug: I know it hurts. I know it feels like failure. I know i felt stupid for a time. Nurturing those feelings though don't help make it thru the day or the next level. So now you know what you need to do differently. You understand your child much better than before. Be thankful. You now have the advantage that many parents never have. Your teaching and efforts will be more fruitful than in the past. Keep looking forward.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You didn't cause the learning differences- it's how your child's brain was wired. If your child needed glasses or a brace to walk, would you feel guilty about that?