Feeling Down Today

[WistfulRidge]

I'm feeling really, really down today and I just need... I don't know. A hug? Advice? A kick in the pants, "just suck it up" reminder?

 

I've got "people induced anxiety" (at least that is how I think of it)... I don't do well around lots of people. At all. The simple act of attending church (with maybe 100 families) makes me physically ill. I did much better at handling people and social situations before I came to college but almost five years of living in apartments, with no way to escape the people and the noise, with not opportunity to garden or own a pet (the two things that I've discovered will return me to a bit of normality and enable me to handle normal crowds and social functions without a problem) have driven me crazy and caused a fair amount of depression. It doesn't help that I've been here longer than I told myself I would. DH has had some wonderful educational opportunities and there is no way I would deny him those and I don't feel resentful of them making me stay at all...It's just hard to be in a situation that you really, really dislike and you tell yourself I only [x] number of years/months of this left, only to have a great opportunity fall into your lap out of the blue and you end up staying another year and a half, kwim?

 

It doesn't sound like much writing it out, but I seriously dread going to bed most nights because I know that when I wake up in the morning I'll still be here in this apartment without the ability to do really anything to make myself feel better. Of course, then I feel absolutely awful for feeling that way because I love my DH and DS - they are the absolute joys of my life and without them I'd have probably gone completely off the deep end by now. So I feel like I'm slighting them, or lessening them when I feel that way because I have this great family and shouldn't that make up for the other crap?

 

On top of that we're about to apply for a green card for DH (which I'm quite excited about because -as a worrier by nature - I'm tired of having nightmares about him getting deported, or watching him have to pass up on opportunities because he's an international student and not a citizen/resident). As I'm a sahm and he's a full time student with a part time job we're obviously in a place where he needs a sponsor and really the only choice is my parents. And for once in my life they're more paranoid than I am. The last time we brought this up with them (even after consulting with a lawyer) they went into a huge spiral of panic. We kind of dropped it then because, frankly, I didn't want to hear my parents say "no". So, once again we've consulted with a lawyer, got all of our facts organized etc and have contacted my parents about it. By email, because a) I'm feeling vulnerable and wimpy and b) because I don't really trust that I could remain calm and rational if I tried to talk to them about it on the phone - at least not at first. They love my DH and really want us to stay in the States (at this point, DH would rather stay in the states as well because all of the schools he wants to attend to get his PhD are in the States and he plans on applying for citizenship at the appropriate point/time/etc), so I'm not really sure were all the panic is coming from. And I'm just tired of it... I just want it done. I want my DH to be able to take advantage of all the great opportunities that come is way. He is exceptionally good at what he does and it breaks my heart to see him turn stuff down and/or be turned down for no other reason than the fact that he's Canadian.

 

I just... argh. I'm just feeling so down/depressed/overwhelmed today and needed to vent to someone, somewhere. DH has heard it all before, and it usually makes me feel worse because then he feels bad and wants to "fix it". My mom is an extreme extrovert and is convinced that all my problems stem from not being involved in a billion things with a billion friends (:glare:) and my best friend (well, only real friend outside of DH) loves me, but we're different in just the right ways that she doesn't really get it.

 

So yeah... sorry for the epic post, but it was either get it out or dissolve into tears, which always scares my DS. Thanks for "listening"!

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

I'm not a fan of crowds either. I think living in an apartment would drive me nuts. I know there is no simple answer for you, but at least try to sit in some sunlight: outside, in an empty park with a green smelling tree /grass nearby.

 

There is something about the calm of nature that makes the icky of too many people go away.

 

Sorry you are down.

Now pick yourself up, dust off your boots, count your blessings and get back to living

 

Lara (who is saying the same thing to herself)

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Sometimes I go to the closet and close the door and just breathe. It helps when I'm overwhelmed. But it sounds like you need the opposite :) How far away would you have to drive to get to an empty field, or a small woods? Also, though it costs start up money, an AeroGarden is great. You can grow herbs, lettuce, small tomatoes, and even some flowers. And it doesn't take much space at all.

[Susan in KY]

Why can't you sponsor him? Maybe rules have changed, but I don't remember any of that when my dh got his green card. Being married and proving it was the only requirement. After that, it was five years of marriage/five years in country, and that was it. Where do you live? I learned that KY immigration is vastly easier than Newark, NJ and NY, NY, if that's any help. They are so friendly in KY, and the little Korean man who gave the speech on behalf of the New Immigrants' Ass'n had a southern accent with a Korean twist. It was too cute. "Ah'm from Kolea mah-self...."

 

:) That should put a smile on your face!

[WistfulRidge]

Why can't you sponsor him? Maybe rules have changed, but I don't remember any of that when my dh got his green card. Being married and proving it was the only requirement. After that, it was five years of marriage/five years in country, and that was it. Where do you live? I learned that KY immigration is vastly easier than Newark, NJ and NY, NY, if that's any help. They are so friendly in KY, and the little Korean man who gave the speech on behalf of the New Immigrants' Ass'n had a southern accent with a Korean twist. It was too cute. "Ah'm from Kolea mah-self...."

 

:) That should put a smile on your face!

 

Having lived in the South I can just imagine how cute that combination of accents would be!

 

As for why I can't be his sponsor, per the I-864 Affidavit of Support instructions:

 

To qualify as a sponsor, you must demonstrate that your income is at least 125 percent of the current Federal poverty guideline for your household size.

We definitely don't meet that qualification, sadly. Edited March 10, 2011 by theAmbitiousHousewife

[WistfulRidge]

Just ask your parents. I know it is hard! Talk up the prospects your husband has for the near future with his education and that they shouldn't worry about it.

 

Oh, I did. To both. Waiting to hear back from them.

 

Honestly, given the circumstances I really just don't understand why they're so worried. He'll be applying for PhD programs in the fall. He's good enough at what he does (and his scores back that up) that it will be a completely free ride. Tuition/books/fees paid plus a living stipend with a guaranteed six figure starting salary (which is more than my dad currently makes) when he's done. We're frugal, simple people by nature (our one big "vice" is books, lol) and it won't take us long to pay off student loans etc. A lot of the schools with the programs he's looking at are already offering a part-time teaching position (just one class or so) if he wants it in addition to completing his studies there. Of course, that part of the deal is only an option if he has a green card. So it's not like we are wandering around aimlessly - he's got opportunities falling into his lap right and left!

So I'm just really :blink: and :confused1: about the whole situation.