nitascool Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Mostly this is just me complaining about having to deal with the life of normals, as if dealing with my special needs children wasn't enough. Everyone is always telling us since we homeschool that it's important for our children to do outside the home group activities. (You know, so they can be "socialized".) My children all have gross motor delays, sensory issues, and some attention issues (not related to ADHD), but my 9 year old has the most pronounced in our family. He is probably my most friendly, most awkward, and most sensitive one too. So we decided to try our local art center to fill the 'need' to socialize. My 9 year old decided he'd like to be in a play. He did great in the audition. And has continued to do well according to "my" standards. He hasn't had any melt-downs the whole time. Though the director has had to redirect his attention at times. He has been doing great with other's personal space. And has worked hard to remember our personal safety rules. He's memorized all the songs and lines he's supposed to memorize. So I am, of course, proud of my son.... And in walk the 'normal' moms. Ugg. "Your son needs to stop running." "Your son is crawling under the curtains" (it was the first day on stage and he was rubbing his face against the curtains not crawling under them). "Your son..." "You need to 'control' your child." Meanwhile, all the 'normal' kids are yelling, running all over the place, giving each other piggy back rides and wrestling in a very small space. Forty-two children all misbehaving in my view and mine gets all the attention. And no I'm not exaggerating here. The helper moms seem to be noticing my son's misbehavior (yes, running in the hall, rubbing his face against the curtains do need to be addressed), but so do the kids who are literally climbing on each others backs. Is it worth all this hassle? Do we really need to go though all this just to help my son to learn to socialize with 'normal' kids? Why can't I just keep my children locked up at home where they are safe and won't be judged by all the 'normal' moms of the world and where I don't have to 'control' my child? Okay, back to your previously scheduled program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicMom Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Oh wow can I relate to that! lol Vent away! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Sigh heavily. Shake your head. Consider making a comment such as "I see a lot of wrestling and piggyback riding going on. How long did it take your child to learn not to join in with that?" I would guess your child is getting the attention for being new. It'll wear off as they get to know ya. This may be a good tactic. Asking them for advice about their little angels (sarcasm) might point out to them that their darlings are not as well behaved as they want yours to be. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Mostly this is just me complaining about having to deal with the life of normals, as if dealing with my special needs children wasn't enough. Everyone is always telling us since we homeschool that it's important for our children to do outside the home group activities. (You know, so they can be "socialized".) My children all have gross motor delays, sensory issues, and some attention issues (not related to ADHD), but my 9 year old has the most pronounced in our family. He is probably my most friendly, most awkward, and most sensitive one too. So we decided to try our local art center to fill the 'need' to socialize. My 9 year old decided he'd like to be in a play. He did great in the audition. And has continued to do well according to "my" standards. He hasn't had any melt-downs the whole time. Though the director has had to redirect his attention at times. He has been doing great with other's personal space. And has worked hard to remember our personal safety rules. He's memorized all the songs and lines he's supposed to memorize. So I am, of course, proud of my son.... And in walk the 'normal' moms. Ugg. "Your son needs to stop running." "Your son is crawling under the curtains" (it was the first day on stage and he was rubbing his face against the curtains not crawling under them). "Your son..." "You need to 'control' your child." Meanwhile, all the 'normal' kids are yelling, running all over the place, giving each other piggy back rides and wrestling in a very small space. Forty-two children all misbehaving in my view and mine gets all the attention. And no I'm not exaggerating here. The helper moms seem to be noticing my son's misbehavior (yes, running in the hall, rubbing his face against the curtains do need to be addressed), but so do the kids who are literally climbing on each others backs. Is it worth all this hassle? Do we really need to go though all this just to help my son to learn to socialize with 'normal' kids? Why can't I just keep my children locked up at home where they are safe and won't be judged by all the 'normal' moms of the world and where I don't have to 'control' my child? Okay, back to your previously scheduled program. I totally get that. My dd is very active in the water (scary at times) so we have her in swimming lessons. Well at one lesson my dd was swimming around not listening (common) and then another kid let go of the wall and started to drown so my dd was blamed. Because she was the kid with special needs. GRRRR. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitascool Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 So glad to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with all this. My dh also said that it was more likely because he's the new kid then because of his special needs. So now my son is going around saying he now has SPD & NKS (new kid syndrome).:lol: I think I will use your line Heigh Ho, "I see a lot of wrestling and piggyback riding going on. How long did it take your child to learn not to join in with that?" I guess I'm just a bit annoyed at the inappropriate label some of the moms have put on him. Probably need to chalk it up to the mommy comparison game. Boy would I be in deep trouble if I used situational behavior as my measuring stick. I would have given up years ago when my son wailed in the grocery store that the lights make him CRAZY. :willy_nilly: I think I'll take a :chillpill: tonight and remind myself that it's only until Sunday. It will all be over Sunday. ugg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessAriel Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I so know how you feel. It makes me wonder at times whether or not to specify my dc's special needs as it seems to make them stand out even more. I am so glad people here are so understanding. I once posted on another special needs board how my 2 with adhd didn't seem to stand out at all from the rest of the cousins at a large family gathering. I actually thought they did pretty well. One responder told me that I was just in denial that they had adhd and the sooner I faced up to it the better.:001_huh: Thanks for being so understanding on this board!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I so know how you feel. It makes me wonder at times whether or not to specify my dc's special needs as it seems to make them stand out even more. I am so glad people here are so understanding. I once posted on another special needs board how my 2 with adhd didn't seem to stand out at all from the rest of the cousins at a large family gathering. I actually thought they did pretty well. One responder told me that I was just in denial that they had adhd and the sooner I faced up to it the better.:001_huh: Thanks for being so understanding on this board!! :blink: Well, they sound helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Heh. I feel your pain. It drives me crazy when people feel the need to bully a child through his parents. I have bitten my tongue a few times and bitten heads off on others. My son is happy to be who he is (and it sounds like yours is, too, and is doing so well! Congrats on the play!), and I don't want that squelched by some parent of a normal child who thinks I'm not parenting right. Yeesh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moriah Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 My 10 yo son is in plays. He has HF autism. He can sing and memorize the lines and by the time the play happens (we work with him at home) he does great with his acting. I have found that this is a venue that he can be successful, soooo, my husband and I are doing all we can to help with the play. We buy tickets and give them to friends and family, we help backstage, I took a group of girl scouts backstage to see the ins and outs of children's theater. I wrote a small two page curriculum about how theater works and will be having more groups coming in. We bring every neighbor and homeschool friend we have. The director knows us now and respects us because we are in there helping all we can. Both my husband and I function as shifts in the "backstage coordinators" The other parents can judge all they want. When necessary, I have told other parents that my son has sensory issues and some trouble changing costumes buttoning etc, so we have been there to help him. (the director even assigned someone to help him change this last play) but that he is more than capable of performing well. If this is something you think your son will enjoy ongoing, please stick with it. I don't have many friends there but I do have respect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkateLeft Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 :grouphug: Frankly, I'd just tell them to focus on watching the behavior of the other kids while I watch mine, thank you very much. I have no patience for hypocritical people who don't "get it." But honestly, I've found this isn't just a special needs thing. Sometimes, it's a homeschool thing. I've found that some parents who don't homeschool can be overly critical of homeschooled kids, seeing every little thing they do as evidence that homeschooling is bad, if that makes sense. Then it's WORSE with homeschooled special needs kids, because then it's as if some people perceive the child's issues as the result of being homeschooled! ("If they were in regular school, they'd be fine.") My son wears a medic-alert bracelet, and we've noticed that seems to help remind people that he has special needs. I know it sounds silly, but it has helped some of the busy body types to back off. Hang in there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 :grouphug: But honestly, I've found this isn't just a special needs thing. Sometimes, it's a homeschool thing. I've found that some parents who don't homeschool can be overly critical of homeschooled kids, seeing every little thing they do as evidence that homeschooling is bad, if that makes sense. Then it's WORSE with homeschooled special needs kids, because then it's as if some people perceive the child's issues as the result of being homeschooled! ("If they were in regular school, they'd be fine.") I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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